so sorry

the anxiety of finals is getting to me, i am feeling at risk of not making it through the semester, so i will be silent for another two weeks mosxt likwly

imprisonment

i am locked in my apartment right now, have plans, have calls to make, but my cell phone is in the car and my door knob jammed and then i tried to take the door handle off which only made things worse. so i called the emergency number, and the on call maintenance is on his way. only i am at shaker square and he is on the west side and it is snowing like mad, so it appears that i am not going out nor talking to anyone (since my land line has no long distance and all my local numbers are not memorized but on my phone).

looks like a long boring night of waiting thats in store for me tonight.

news?

From Yahoo News: AUSTIN, Texas - Attorneys for Rep. Tom DeLay are hoping a judge will dismiss the conspiracy and money laundering charges against the former House majority leader so he can regain the powerful seat.

Duh! if i was his lawyer, that's exactly what i would want too.

Song of the day:

a question for anyone

"And the question in my mind is how many additional American casualties is Saddam worth?" Cheney said then in response to a question."And the answer is not very damned many. So I think we got it right, both when we decided to expel him from Kuwait, but also when the president made the decision that we'd achieved our objectives and we were not going to go get bogged down in the problems of trying to take over and govern Iraq."

i found this in a yahoo discussion on al-zarqawi's status. it was supposedly a comment cheney made in 1992 about decisions that were made about iraq the first time around. was wondering if anyone knows the validity of this quote or the actual source or maybe even remember anything about this.

Song of the day:

clear message on iraq for once

"our troops have become the primary target of the insurgency. they are united against u.s. forces and we have become a catalyst for violence. the war in iraq is not going as advertised. it is a flawed policy wrapped in illusion"- Sen. Murtha.

and so where we are, people get hurt. what i really like about what senator murtha said is the clarity in it. he has a belief that we should withdrawal in six months, and he supports his belief with sound logic- that our presence in iraq is what is leading to the high level violence and iraqi civilian casualties (catalyst for violence). and i say this knowing that something can be logical without being "true", though i think it's a sound theory.

i dont know that i agreee with the senator, but i do know that i would like to have some alternatives to it that clearly state both what is disagreed/agreed with and why keep something or what they would like to replace something with so i could make a sound decision on what to support. but nobody really says anything. they squabble and fight... like this attacking of murtha for having a different and viable opinion/alternative.

i am tired of my government treating me like an eight year old, when the world was still black and white, and your father (president) spouting that old cliche "because i said so" was enough to make you tow the line.

gestalt?

suddenly, out of my fear and confusion, all these options for the next phase of my life are being thrown at me. my mother left a message on my machine this morning that pretty much said that if i want a doctorate i can do that next with her financial help.
just last night that majickal professor of mine suggested the gestalt institute, which i would love at some point.
my field supervisor recommended getting a job as a mental health case manager through center for children and families....

but still, the question remains, what about the health insurance?

Song of the day: theme song to reading rainbow

the blue cross/blue shield blues

so here i am, only four weeks from grad and the "you mean i have to get a real job?!" panic is starting to set in a little.

now don't get me wrong, i am really looking forward to heading into my professional life, but i am afraid that i will have to base my life decisions on what kind health insurance i can get.

i was diagnosed with MS when i was 20. at that point i had insurance through my mother, and about a year and a half after i was diagnosed, they found something my mother did wrong in her application, and we were kicked off the insurance

enter the "pre-existing condition". when i reached my cobra limit later on, and had to get insurance, i had no options. there is a clause in the HIPAA (health insurance portability and accountability act) laws that requires companies to insure you so long as you were insured at the time of diagnosis and have had continuing coverage since (which i was and did). this is the pre-existing condition" clause. not every state has one, but the state of ohio does have a pre-existing condition clause, so i was guaranteed the basic minimum plan (20% coverage after deductable). that is the only coverage available to me.

i know my anxiety is a little premature, i do not know much about how it works through employment as opposed to individual plans, but i feel limited by needing to think in terms of "what states have no pre-existing clauses?"


Song of the day:

targeting a self-indulgence

so this morning i got some very sad news. i found out that target superstores have a policy that allows pharmacists to refuse to fill birth control prescriptions. the consequence is that i will no longer be able to spend my saturday afternoons shopping for affordable home decorations and cheaper cat litter.

oh oh oh, my class is starting so i can't go into my tirade on how miserable it makes me when my integrity is at odds with my frivolous self-comforts - after all, i am all ready off to a bad start to this class having been late the first day and forgett ing to take me name tag with me despite explicit instructions to take it and be sure to bring it bask

Song of the day: "as is" by ani difranco

a vote of reason

cheers to voters in pennsylvania, who showed the true power of the masses when they failed to re-elect eight of the nine school board members who added intellegent design to the science curriculum. here's to the seperation of church and state!

read the story at:
http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20051109/pl_nm/election_usa_evolution_dc

i, torturer

when i read that our government would not allow the UN to interview our prisoners, i felt angry and thought about blogging, but i was busy, and blah blah blah.
but then i caught Bill Mahr, and heard about the 'black sites' and found this:

from Boing Boing:
Black sites, reports of torture by US overseas Snip from the big Washington Post story today:
The CIA has been hiding and interrogating some of its most important al Qaeda captives at a Soviet-era compound in Eastern Europe, according to U.S. and foreign officials familiar with the arrangement.
The secret facility is part of a covert prison system set up by the CIA nearly four years ago that at various times has included sites in eight countries, including Thailand, Afghanistan and several democracies in Eastern Europe, as well as a small center at the Guantanamo Bay prison in Cuba, according to current and former intelligence officials and diplomats from three continents.
The hidden global internment network is a central element in the CIA's unconventional war on terrorism. It depends on the cooperation of foreign intelligence services, and on keeping even basic information about the system secret from the public, foreign officials and nearly all members of Congress charged with overseeing the CIA's covert actions.

now i saw the midnight express, and i know that the rules in these counties are far from american values based. HOW DO I FIGHT THIS? i am ashamed to be american tonight.

perfectionism

will be an issue. i haven't known what to say these past few days, is it too much information, will people (my friends) think i am stupid or silly or frivolous, wasting space and time... on and on and on it goes.

i dread my humanity and envy every one else's ability to just live their lives and love eachother, and faith, how the hell am i supposed to learn how to have faith?

i want to be perfect at something, just one thing truly... only it never sticks to one thing right, and perfectionism is a myth. nothing is perfect, not even god.

the greek gods were so imperfect. the gritty reality of human nature divided into seperate, concrete, individuals that could be easily understood and taught. but my imperfection confuses me, and i get so anxious that someone's gonna be mad at me and i am gonna be in T-R-O-U-B-L-E (can we say super ego or complex or faulty thinking or whatever) for being wrong wrong wrong.

but i keep on keeping on.


song of the day: "season of the witch" by donovan.