blog stealing

some guy copied my hillman post and reposted it twice on his own website without citing me. Jeff Hess says i shouldnt respond to the person because he is just trying to create traffic on his site. i am sooooooooo mad about it...but atleast someone was interested in the lecture i guess.

i had no idea that even in blogger world ethics have gone out the window....

i would add that just like in most professions, the majority of bloggers are good honest people though. i am just really mad that someone took my words, as i am sure many of you can appreciate.

you just cant rely on a girl to stick to her mind

and so i bought a scion xa instead of the kia. the kia dealer scared me, he couldnt drive stick but he insisted on driving the car (manuel) across the street to the gas station (terrifying), and he was a little too eager for my business. besides, the scion looks a little too much like the mini-van version of a teacup poodle to not... and, there are stereo controls on the steering wheel

Song of the day: mercedes benz- janis joplin

car shopping

i smashed my car to smithereens last week. it was my fault, i was making a left turn and didn't see the other guy (though i also think he was going way too fast). now i have to get a new one.

i have never gone shopping on my own for something so large before. i keep asking my friends for advice, and ask if they will come with me, but i notice that each time they try to give advice, or put up a new idea for which car, i become exceptionally prickly. especially when someone mentions a hybrid, which i would love, but i really cant afford that at this point in my life.

my mother, she was not the type to install gender stereotypes in my self image- she was single the majority of my life, but even in her relationships, she often took on what is kind of considered the "guys" jobs-and yet, somehow, i dont feel competent enough to buy a car.

i knew which car i wanted, i did alot of research, and while a kia rio is not the top of anything (except for warranties maybe), it is a good enough car and i can just pay for the thing upfront with the insurance price for my deceased bug without having to entiely wipe out my savings. i just dont think now is the time to take on another monthly bill, as my student loans are coming up this month

i am pretty sure this is the best choice for me, i like the way it looks, and it somehow feels like having my geo metro back, i loved the little economy car then, and i think i would love it now- and i am also really at a place where I can buy it for myself. i know that the car i wrecked was a present from my mom, but it was mine, and i know my mom would cover the payments until i had a permanent source of income, but i want this car to be mine, all mine.

so i am going to gather my courage, not feel overwhelmed, and take myself out to the kia dealer.

time to heal

i forget how rushed the society i live in is sometimes, but as i finally start to feel better physically, my depression and extreme anxiety goes with it. i realize now how a series of choices on my part kept me sick for so long.

but life is a rush, go see your family, go back to work, dont cancel on friends, don't stand anyone up keep moving.
sometimes, i need to sit down. sometimes, i ignore my need to take time to heal.

as for all those things out of my control, those haven't changed, but it is amazing how much easier it is to manage once you have started to feel a little stronger.


Song of the day: yield-indigo girls

hillman lecture at cia: dreaming or lobbying?

yesterday i went to hear dr. james hillman speak at CIA. he is a psychologist, and was one of the last directors of the C.G. Jung center in zurich while jung was alive. i have heared dr. hillman lecture in the past and found him lively and interesting. he spoke on dreams, adressing many of the different purposes of dreams,from anxiety to predictive. this time i was under the impression, from the advertisments and the blurb written in Scene, that he was going to talk about how people are born knowing their purpose, and dreams are messages that will lead us to our futures. the specific imagery had been the idea of the oak tree looking into it's own acorn.

unfortunatly, i left disappointed. first, the sound quality was not great. it had a fuzziness that seemed to make the words incomplete. then, to my suprise, he ended up talking about religion and polotics and imagination. some of it was interesting. the verb "to dream", says hillman, never appears in the new testaments and the word "dream" is used only three times. being an old testeament jewish girl, i was shocked. someone is constantly dreaming, joseph and his predictive dreams etc. in the first five books of the bible. a phrase he used often was "the causaisin (spelled as he pronounces it), christian way". he discussed the lack of imagination in government, often referring to "the cheney, wolfawitz, rumsfeld, rice" making this team one entity. his two main political points were that the war in iraq and the horrible environmental policies we have show a lack of imagination from "the cheneyl, wolfawitz, rumsfeld, rice". personally, i think they have been very imaginative in their use of government for increasing their own personal wealth and stature, infact it has been phenomenal what a good job they have done at creating a country in which their imagination has become everyone's reality and only their best friends truly come out on top. hillman seemed to equate imagination as something that only existed if it agreed with what he sees as the right thing to do (like pull out of iraq or create environmentally friendly policies), and that the thought that went into existing policy was unimaginative because "they didnt think about the importance of, say art, in the places they were bombing". no, they were imaging about themselves, and their own beliefs, but it is still imagining. what started as a dream lecture became a bit of a democratic rally.

then i got tripped up by the semantics of the lecture. "don't interpret, be interested" in the dream. well, what is being interested? "asking questions of the dream, for you dont have the dream, the dream has you" well, no wonder my therapist gets annoyed with me when i come in having had a dream conversation with myself, positive i understand the meaning. no wonder she always tries to take me anywhere then my own interpretation- and i dont think i agree with it. hillman refered to people's lack of knowledge as innocence, i would call it ignorance (it's the difference between not being able to really understand and not being educated in my mind)

and really, while i appreciate Dr. hillman's view on the world, and even mostly agree with him, i felt tricked into this lecture, persuaded by dreams.

and he never once mentioned the acorn.

big brother

from yahoo news: SAN FRANCISCO - Google Inc. is rebuffing the Bush administration's demand for a peek at what millions of people have been looking up on the Internet's leading search engine — a request that underscores the potential for online databases to become tools for government surveillance.


Mountain View-based Google has refused to comply with a White House subpoena first issued last summer, prompting U.S. Attorney General Alberto Gonzales this week to ask a federal judge in San Jose for an order to hand over the requested records.

The government wants a list all requests entered into Google's search engine during an unspecified single week — a breakdown that could conceivably span tens of millions of queries. In addition, it seeks 1 million randomly selected Web addresses from various Google databases.

In court papers that the San Jose Mercury News reported on after seeing them Wednesday, the Bush administration depicts the information as vital in its effort to restore online child protection laws that have been struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court.

Yahoo Inc. (Nasdaq:YHOO - news), which runs the Internet's second-most used search engine behind Google, confirmed Thursday that it had complied with a similar government subpoena.
HOW DOES THE INTERNET ACTUALLY WORK? BECAUSE I BELIEVE IT IS BEST TO TRY NOT TO SUPPORT WHAT I AM AGAINST, AND I HAVE ALWAYS USED YAHOO OVER GOOGLE, I THINK I NEED TO SWITCH NOW (THOUGH SWITCHING MAIL ACCOUNTS IS DIFFICULT). DOES YAHOO MAKE MONEY OFF OF ME SOMEHOW? I DONT PAY ANYTHING FOR MY EMAIL ACCOUNT, AND NONE OF THEIR ADS HAVE EVER CAUGHT MY ATTENTION, BUT ALL THE SAME...AND ALSO, I DONT LIKE THE THOUGHT OF THE BUSH ADMINISTRATION DIGGING THROUGH MY SEARCHES TO OVER RULE THE SUPREME COURT, WHETHER I AGREE WITH THEIR RULING OR NOT!

whoopdie

so if my car survives this wreck it will be a junkie for sure, but i am fine and thanks to those who have helped bail me out, jeff has your cash

peace, love and gratitude,
molly katherine

escalation

and the day just continues on. i had a patient jump out the window and get some pizza (not good, not good) and if i had the constitution, i would go into a tirade about hospital measures, security and staffing ratios but i am too tired and sad.

i then found out my grandmother has breast cancer again. i am a positive person, and willl keep my hopes up, but i am not sure how much more anxiety and disappointment i can take at this point. my life is just starting, and i am not liking what i get to reap from the seeds i sowed right now.

if only i could have faith in the nature of the world, you know, let go, and things will come out as they should, hold on to qualities like patience, and trust, but i dont know that i know how to do that.


Song of the day: none

numb hand

my left hand was numb when i woke up this morning. usually, an ms episode can vary, it can stay where it is from the first moment i notice a problem to up to three days of continuously increasing intensity and/or it can spread throughout my body. i hope it stays where it is

so far this year, i have gone from a cold to laryngitis to bronchitis and just as that cleared up on sunday i got my period and now i am numb and its only january eaghteenth...and my horoscope said i was going to have a good year

my boss at work likes to throw nasty comments my way, in the name of "keeping it real" she critisizes everything i do and then calls me manic. the same energy jackie called amazing, energy that with nourishment could be so productive, make a huge difference in the world, she calls manic.

unfortunatly jackie has not been communicating with me (but i sure see my boss everyday), and i am beginning to think i imagined the whole thing, while also telling myself i am just impatient.

Song of the day: there is no music, only silence, which i have heard can be better then an answer, but it feels too ambivilant for me.

good morning! have a thoughtful MLK day

trying to remember that everyday is a gift, despite colds, work loads, cranky doctors, people being non-responsive to emails, geting my period, waking up to early, typos on my brand new diploma, having to pay five hundred dollars to the guy whose car i scraped....
just because i am an anxious freak does not mean that the world does not care about me
there is a moon out there, and the sun will rise in less then an hour and the days are definitly getting longer

Song of the day: american tune- simon and garfunkel

iran

"Sanctions
In March 2004, President Bush extended sanctions originally imposed in 1995 by President Clinton for another year, citing the "unusual and extraordinary threat" to U.S. national security posed by Iran. The 1995 executive orders prohibit U.S. companies and their foreign subsidiaries from conducting business with Iran, while banning any "contract for the financing of the development of petroleum resources located in Iran." In addition, the U.S. Iran-Libya Sanctions Act (ILSA) of 1996 (renewed for 5 more years in July 2001) imposes mandatory and discretionary sanctions on non-U.S. companies investing more than $20 million annually in the Iranian oil and natural gas sectors." http://www.eia.doe.gov/emeu/cabs/Iran/Background.html

i decided to do a little research on american interest in iranian oil. its kind of in the forefront with the un threatening sanctions. i wonder what influence this sanction will reallty have when any foreign company investing more then twenty mil a year is already sanctioned by the u.s. my guess is that these sanctions are already keeping a majority of big players out of iran, which may be a part of irans casual attitude towards this threat.
ofcourse, i am not that knowledgable on the subject and it would require much more research on my part to really say anything that is of much merit.

i am black!

in my groups class, one of the guys, rayshawn, tried to tell me that because i was jewish, i was black, citing the middle east and israel as part of africa.

well i, ofcourse, denied this, saying that i am ashkenazi and therefore of european descent, talked about priviledge, blah blah blah

but according to yahoo news:

"Ashkenazi Jews are a group with mainly central and eastern European ancestry. Ultimately, though, they can be traced back to Jews who migrated from Israel to Italy in the first and second centuries, Behar said. Eventually this group moved to Eastern Europe in the 12th and 13th centuries and expanded greatly, reaching about 10 million just before World War II, he said."
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060113/ap_on_sc/jewish_descent

and since my mama's jewish, and her mama was jewish, and her mama was jewish and i also know for sure that her mama was jewish and i cant really believe that anyone would CHOOSE to be jewish (even though i know a number of americans who have)....

Song of the day:rayshawns song (i dont know the title)-BDP

thanks rayshawn. you're right,
i really am black!!

dumb, dumb, dumbing down

From Yahoo news:

HOUSTON - Houston became the largest school district in the country on Thursday to adopt a merit pay plan for teachers that focuses on students' tests scores

By a 9-0 vote, the Houston school board approved a plan that offers teachers as much as $3,000 in extra pay if their students improve on state and national tests. The program could be expanded to provide as much as $10,000 in merit pay for teachers.

so now they are going to bribe teachers to make sure that they stop fighting the "teaching to the test" approach. this is the last hope. if teachers are willing to sell out their beliefs in true education- teaching children to think through and about things instead of just memorizing facts and other people's (mostly white men's) thoughts and ideas- then there is little left to work with.

our chbildren deserve more then this!

sarcasm

from yahoo news:
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky (Reuters) - The White House said on Wednesday that Iran has made a "serious miscalculation" by clearing the way to resume uranium enrichment and that intensive diplomacy was under way with European allies and others about what to do now.
White House spokesman Scott McClellan, traveling with President George W. Bush on a brief trip to Kentucky, told reporters that if the European-led negotiations had run their course, then there was no other option but to refer Iran to the U.N. Security Council for possible sanctions.
'
what? mr. bush, are you saying were not gonna go and kick their asses too? ....oh yeah, i forgot almost, no men, no money, no support (damn that iraqi quagmire)

a plea

please, just don't forget about me, that would be the worst.

Song of the day: let me go easy- indigo girls

B-U-S-T, THAT IS WHAT TOM BE

SO THERE IT IS, THE AP SAYS THAT DELAY PUSHED TO HAVE A CASINO CLOSED THAT ABRAMOFF WANTED CLOSED NOT LONG BEFORE ONE OF THESE DONATIONS.
AS MY FAVORITE CAMP COUNSELOR MAXINE WOULD HAVE SAID BACK IN THE DAY, MR. DELAY- YOU BUSTED. WHAT? WHAT? YOU BUSTED!

truly reaping what he sowed

from yahoo news: FORT SUMNER, N.M. - A mouse got its revenge against a homeowner who tried to dispose of it in a pile of burning leaves. The blazing creature ran back to the man's house and set it on fire.

Luciano Mares, 81, of Fort Sumner said he caught the mouse inside his house and wanted to get rid of it.

"I had some leaves burning outside, so I threw it in the fire, and the mouse was on fire and ran back at the house," Mares said from a motel room Saturday.

Village Fire Chief Juan Chavez said the burning mouse ran to just beneath a window, and the flames spread up from there and throughout the house.

No was hurt inside, but the home and everything in it was destroyed.

Unseasonably dry and windy conditions have charred more than 53,000 acres and destroyed 10 homes in southeastern New Mexico in recent weeks.

"I've seen numerous house fires," village Fire Department Capt. Jim Lyssy said, "but nothing as unique as this one."

FROM ME: talk about sweet revenge. cheers to this mouse for refusing to put up with this kind of treatment! animals are thinking, feeling creatures, and how anyone can so thoughtlessly dispose of a harmless creature in such a painful, pointless way (its not as if the mouse was being cooked for dinner or anything), i will never understand.

this is a true example of karma, and getting what one gives

LARYNGITIS AND BODY ARMOR

LEAVE IT TO ME TO CATCH COLD JUST IN TIME TO HOP OFF TO JERSEY TO SEE MOM. I DONT LIKE BEING SICK AWAY FROM HOME, AND NOW IT HAS TURNED INTO LARYNGITIS AND ITS LIKE "ME, NOT TALK?" ONE THING ABOUT BEING WITH MOM WHEN YOU'RE SICK IS ALL THE CARE YOU CAN GET. NOW MOM IS SICK TOO, AND I DON'T REALLY WANT TO CARE FOR HER (SO SELFISH, I KNOW, BUT I AM NOT A PARENT AND THAT INSTINCT JUST DOESN'T KICK IN FOR ME).

ANYHOW, BORED AND STUCK IN A HOUSE THAT IS NOT MINE WITH CATS THAT ARE NOT MINE (ONE OF WHICH WOKE ME UP THIS MORNING BY YANKING ON MY HAIR REAL HARD) IN A BED THAT IS NOT MINE, I HAVE HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO CATCH UP ON THE NEWS. READING A PRINT COPY OF THE NEW YORK TIMES THIS MORNING (I HAVE NO INTEREST IN THE LOCAL WAYNE NJ NEWS), I BECAME ENRAGED BY THE PENTAGON STUDY ON BODY ARMOR. APPARENTLY, WHILE VERBALLY TELLING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE THAT THEY ARE DOING THEIR BEST TO PROVIDE SOLDIERS WITH WHAT THEY NEED, THE PENTAGON DID SOME STATISTIC CHECKING AND THE FACTS SHOW THAT 80% OF DEATHS DUE TO TORSO INJURIES COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED THROUGH BETTER ARMOR THAT PROTECTED THE SIDES AND SHOULDERS AS WELL AS THE BODY CORE.

NEEDLESS PREVENTABLE DEATHS. AND IT'S THE DEMOCRATS THAT ARE UNPATRIOTIC AND AGAINST THE SOLDIERS? WHO IS IN CHARGE OF THE MILITARY? HUH? WHO CHOOSES WHERE THE MONEY IS SPENT (UPPER LEVEL INCOMES, HALIBURTON CONTRACTS, ETC.)? WHO TOOK US TO WAR AND WHO IS DENYING ALL THE DIFFICULTIES AND BAD MANAGEMENT PLAGUING THE IRAQI CONFLICT? THESE PEOPLE IN CHARGE, THESE ARE THE REAL TRAITORS, AND I DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY LYING AND CHEATING THE AMERICAN PEOPLE IS NOT CREATING HAVOC AND SCREAMS FOR IMPEACHMENT REACHING FAR BEYOND THE LIBERAL LEFT (OH YEAH, I FORGOT ALL ABOUT THOSE PESKY PSYCHOTROPICS, VIAGRA, AND VICODEN FOR A MOMENT).

AAAH, THAT WAS A GOOD VENT. THANKS FOR HEARING ME, SINCE NO ONE CAN HEAR MY VOICE TODAY

macking

so having dropped and killed my lap top last monday, i have recieved an ibook for getting my masters and i am loving it! anyhow, happy to be reconnected to the world