overshare

i am tired of only having personal stuff to talk about.

i mean, it is not as if the world has stopped, and yet i have. i find no interest in the news currently. i am tired of hearing more and more about the subversive realities our government is involved in. it's not as if knowing these things is making any difference, causing change. but ofcourse i have my own theory on why this is that involves decaying school systems as a tactic to keep the people down and the use of psychotropic medications, starting with ridalin in elementary school, to keep our children complacent and create adults that are dependant on drug companies for happiness.

but my personal stuff, now that is about growth and change, the growth and change of my own individualized self. i wish the story could be more interesting then it is, maybe full of blatant drug use and uncensored sexuality- but it is not. it is about me and my shadow, and our introduction to jackie, a cataclysmic woman (almost sounds racy, huh?) who is better known around here as my "majickal professor".

we have purpose for each other, and the only thing i am interested in anymore is the long, slow journey towards understanding this purpose. and yes, she is willing to go there with me, but time and convenience slow things down, and i am hesitant to face my future, so add my size ten clodhoppers dragging across the pavement and snow covered grass to the list of challenges facing us. and no, i don't know where we are going, but i sure am excited to find out.

...oh yeah, and in the middle of all this, i need to find a job, with benefits and everything, so if anyone knows of a good social work position that would allow me to receive supervision by an LISW, feel free to let me know.

song of the day: "closer to fine"- indigo girls
thank you, mandy, for this song of the future
said in my language, congradulations to us both on graduating

heifers and chickens

this year for christmas, i bought my friend sally's kids donation gifts of bees and fowl from http://www.heifer.org. they are all quite young, and when i called sally and told her, i thought she might be annoyed by these gifts, as i figure the kids won't like it. but sally surprised me with her response, saying that she has no problem talking to them about how much they have and how i am showing my love for them by trying to increase the quality of life for children that have less. she also told me jake, her second oldest and a wonderful almost-8 year old, would love the gift. i wish i could be there with them to talk about it, but due to graduating, i had to work this year PRN on the inpatient psych unit.

yes, i am jewish, and christmas means nothing to me, but i am honored to have my friend's support in reaching for what i understand to be the true meaning of this holiday, which is not about getting things (though hasbro would disagree with me i am sure) but about caring about things and changing the world.

Song of the day:

solstice

so today will be longer then yesterday was. last night,
the change in nature was guided for me by an invite to jackie's community celebration, with many free spirits, two bonfires, four horses, two dogs, one cat, and a timberwolf. there were drums, there was food, there was love

i can't think of a better way to pass the darkest hours of the year


Song of the day: laugh as the sun-rusted root
thanks to myself for this one
for believing in the power of us all

a different nature

i dont know how to change the nature of a relationship, move from student/teacher to colleagues. but class is over, i believe i have passed all my classes (now that i come tofind what i thought may not even be a C in my research class was an A), and i know that amazing professor does indeed see more in me. right now, though the grade is in, i am waiting to get back my final paper and class journal, then i will take risks in moving forward, but i wanted to share that transitions can be uncomfortable and akward, and i always feel threatened, like i can ruin something if i am not careful

Song of the day: what i am-edie brickell and the new bohemians

-thank you, Vanessa, for this song of self-acceptance
though not your first choice, it was an important reminder

tzedaka

The Meaning of "Tzedakah"
"Tzedakah" is the Hebrew word for the acts that we call "charity" in English: giving aid, assistance and money to the poor and needy or to other worthy causes. However, the nature of tzedakah is very different from the idea of charity. The word "charity" suggests benevolence and generosity, a magnanimous act by the wealthy and powerful for the benefit of the poor and needy. The word "tzedakah" is derived from the Hebrew root Tzade-Dalet-Qof, meaning righteousness, justice or fairness. In Judaism, giving to the poor is not viewed as a generous, magnanimous act; it is simply an act of justice and righteousness, the performance of a duty, giving the poor their due. (http://www.jewfaq.org/tzedakah.htm)

Song of the day: Imagine-John Lennon

Thank you, Debbie, for this reminder
of humanity and possibility and justice

double bubble

right now i am sitting in an adascc training, and chewing the first piece of bubble gum i have chewed since i started with a retainer in november of 2003. it is amazing. it is like being six years old again. i suggest that everybody get a piece of double bubble, and remember how determined you were
to chaw it into mushiness,
the exhileration of tongue pressing goo to ready position,
the push of air as you blowwwwwww,
the deflating or popping sound as bubble ends,
the glorious bumby slurp back to cheek,
licking strands of sweet off your lips.

Song of the day: scarecrow- melissa etheridge
thank you, lawanna, for your song of truth and love
you are so much more then what you believe you are

endings and changes

class is boring me boring me, and since we are allowed to take notes on our computer, i figured i'd look like i was taking notes but i would really be blogging ;)
school seems so mundane now, here, one paper and a learning contract shy of a degree. this is a time of transition, college ending, employment status changed, no job security- all those adult concerns like health insurance and purpose- i am terrified!

and ok, maybe your thinking, ' thirty may be a little old to just be starting to have these concerns', but i had other concerns to take on first-i am non-linear-i think i am done with this entry, but i am thinking about the gratitude i feel right now, and that should be a post of its own sometime.



Song of the day:#36- dave matthews band
-thank you, Brad, for this expression of connection and relationship
i can't speak for everyone, but absolutely, i'll dance with you.

so jeff says...

mr. hess told me my blog entries are too vague in my time of anxiety and so i will say,

female circumcision is the gender issue that disturbs me so (though it is illegal in senegal, talking about it is still unnerving).....
i dont remember what else he said was lacking

Song of the Day: Sometimes-Spearhead

-thank you, jackie, for this joyous song,
in all my anxiety i had forgotten to acknowledge the joyfulness.

a truly secular country

i had the opportunity to hear a man from senegal speak today. he is here getting his PhD in social work, and discussed a number of social issues that social workers in senegal deal with. i had some difficulty when he discussed gender, it can be really hard for me to see from a different enough perspective to not feel the feelings i felt, like some anger, lots of discomfort, and a feeling that must be akin to how a guy feels when his best friend gets kicked in the groin...

that aside, i was impressed with senegal's ability to deal with the HIV/AIDS crisis. i had already been aware that the french discovered the virus (saw 'and the band played on' at least ten times), but i was not aware that a sengalese? sengolian? sengae (like it would be in latin) anyhow, a doctor from senegal had been involved. he immediatly flew home and addressed the government. warned them about the possible crisis and said 'we have to take action!', and so it was .

two things above all are amazing in this man's story. first, this is the PREVENTION approach. imagine how many lives, and how much money were saved by taking these measures (take a look at the other areas of africa). second, despite the heavy influence of religion in the country (95% muslim, the iman's play a huge role in community decisions), there was no resistance when the government made the choice it did. its as if they know that not everyone believes in god, and understood that denying children, teenagers and adults access to affordable education and protection (and they do make these things available to anyone who wants or is having unmarried sex) was signing their death warrant.

i am going to look into this more.

Song of the day: i am still sad and it is still Cedar Tree

the end of something wonderful

my class, you know the one with the majickal professor, ended today, and it was the loss of so much more then just a taste of education (yeah, like i feel kind of naked without my notebook that i carried and loved for the past fifteen weeks-but the notebook is now just a frozen moment of time to be looked back on, not added to) i dont think this ending treated everyone the same-poor L. couldnt even get it together to get to class, but i believe that each of us has had our world changed by this experience.

my heart hurts today, but i am so excited to see what the future holds.

Song of the day:Cedar Tree- Indigo Girls