work keys!!!

after four full years as a member of the M........t hospital staff, they have finally given me my own set of keys...one to the social work office and the "P3" key, which opens all the doors on the inpatient psychiatric uit.

i left my other job about two months ago. i didnt love the job- i was a very underpaid secretary/errand girl/driver/editor- and when my new supervisor at the hospital approached me and asked me to take on more hours, i gave my notice to my other boss...i think there was some question in my social system as to why i did this, i was told that "you cant just leave jobs because you dont like them", but the reason i left was to go from 15-20 hours a week to 25-35 at the hospital each week,depending on need....i love being a psychiatric social worker...and besides, it pays 2 and 1/2 what the secretary job did...who wouldnt make the choice i made?

anyhow, having keys, i believe that i am an important employee, wanted, and that i am slowly learning all the intricacies of working with both chronic mental illness and dementia...

Song of the day: she works hard for her money- donna summers

changing habits

sometimes it frightens me how easy it can be for me to find a comfortable (though not normally desirable) place to be in my life, and how much difficulty i have finding motivation for change....however, two weeks ago i became motivated to change my comfortable but harmful habits.

for two weeks now, i have been starting my day with a walk, going out of the way to walk to the coffee shop, i walk a little over a half mile just to get my morning wake up.

i have started eating breakfast everyday....while i cant say eating at home is saving me any money at this point, i can say that when i eat breakfast, i am not as hungry in the evenings and the likelyhood of a 10 pm binge drops by about 60%

ie been doing yoga daily again, just 25 minutes, but find i am more centeres through the whole day for it

and finally, i have been using a site called the daily plate, and can see what it is i am eating....i realize that i eat way too much protien, but that i never seem to reach daily cholestoral requirements....go figure that

i like paying attention to myself in these ways, and am glad i found a little motivation for it...

dreaming

it will be hard to capture this, as major points were lost upon waking, but it feels important to try

for some reason, i need to go to andy's house, and i am going to walk, but my shoes had been taken. i decide to walk anyhow, its a short walk, and i get there, and rosanna is there, and my mother is there, and there is another strange woman, lets call her X (as she was never named).

X is the mother of another woman involved in the dream, though i never see her, i know X has done great harm to her and i distrust her. X's husband is there as well, and it turns out he owns a boat

then we are on the boat, which is huge and it is for some kind of conference. we are supposed to meet up for a lecture at a certain time (i think it was 9) but i was being me, and wanting to do something else, and just as i was going to go off to do whatever, a woman sees me and goes "id you forget about the gathering time?" which i had, and i get onto an elevator with this woman, who spends the entire ride up praising X...

the elevator ride was in and of itself scary, it was a glass elevator, and very snug, and this woman and i sat on the railings as the elevator stopped at every floor, letting others on and off, but finally we reach the top deckwhere people are swimming ina pool

anyhow, lots has been lost in this retelling, but it was a very vivid dream

considering general clark

from yahoo news:

Gen. Clark won't back off critique of McCain
By DAVID ESPO, AP Special Correspondent

WASHINGTON - Retired Gen. Wesley Clark rejected suggestions he apologize Tuesday for saying John McCain's medal-winning military service does not qualify him for the White House. Elaborating, Clark said a president must have judgment, not merely courage and character......Despite criticism from Republicans, Clark declined to back down in an interview Tuesday morning with ABC. "The experience that he had as a fighter pilot isn't the same as having been at the highest levels of the military and having to make ... life or death decisions about national, strategic issues," he said.

Asked whether he felt he owed McCain an apology, Clark responded, "I'm very sorry that this has distracted from the message of patriotism that Sen. Obama wants to put out."

good for both of these men

this is america, and we are voting for one of the most important positions in the world. nothing in what general clark said, i feel, was inappropriate, or questioning on the goodness of mccain as a person, or importance and deserved respect as a soldier

but if we cant start looking at different ideas, and considering what we really want in a president- which for me is the ability to think, go with or against the grain of the people based on deep reflection and critical thinking, as well as courage and goodness- than we are doomed to sink lower and lower in the status of the world

Song of the day:

leaving no child behind....

saw this documentary on hbo the other day....it was like walking back into the halls of margeret ireland high school (which is where i was placed while working for Beech Brook, a local child /adolescent mental health agency

oe of the hardest aspects for me, working at an inner-city alternative (meaning every child had failed at least one grade and most had disciplinary actions against them as well, if not legal issues)high school (meaning grades 7-10, but the students were all of high school age) in the city of cleveland was how hopeless it felt to be there

the administration blames teachers, parents are unable to digest their own lack of involvement and the role that their inability to participate in their kids' education plays, and the kids are allowed to stay in the classroom no matter what their behavior is

all i can think is that we have done them the biggest disservice, all in the name of "saving" them

Song of the day: gangsta's paradise- coolio