comforting knowledge

i stopped into the diabetes association to see roseanna's best friend, ms. johnson (or suzanne, but we all call her ms. johnson)....i ofcourse increased the level of sobbing as soon as i saw her.....but she did let me know that andy has been cremated,so no more concern that he is sitting in a freezer....as that was a worry of mine....a little gory and blunt, i know,
but its how i cope

...and the tears finally come

so this morning, a few hours shy of finally having a therapy hour,this morning i finally had a strong cry.....the first since andy died.....i kind of took it out on hess,stomped off after sitting in front of him crying for almost ten minutes....im sure he thought it was because he hurt my feelings, and in a way it was, i really needed a friend, and instead he took my statement of, i dont want to argue over this right now as me being full of hot air and not wanting to own it....but in truth, we were talking about quantum physics, and i was holding the intangibility of grief and the idea that if nobody observed my grief, then it was without meaning....i just couldnt verbalize it, i just sat in the coffee shop sobbing while strangers approached thetable,telling methere was nothingto cry about, saying thingswould be ok, and hess just typed away

now, 10 minutes from a therapy hour, i realize i woke up with such loss at four am, did yoga, tried to care for self.....but loss is loss, and its going to hurt....and that sucks

Song of the day: oh father- madonna

watching cable access: youngstown and akron

ok, first, youngstown mayor, jay williams, is an interesting politician....he has some wonderful ideas, focusing on working with what he has in youngstown instead of trying to recreate the city's history....he focused on community and economics of the region, until the interviewer asked about his future in politics, moving up to state polotics and then the dreaded social issues, where he said stright out abortion and gay marriage are against his beliefs and that while he believes in free choice and doesnt believe in discrimination, he would vote in a way that is syntonic with his beliefs....so basically if the right to abortion came up, he would vote against it, and he would vote against gay marriage as a state or national level figure.....mind you, mr. williams is a democrat

as for akron, sounds liike they have jumped on the medical mart idea themselves....im pretty sure i read that fact, but some how, hearing discussion around it really made clear the ways in which akron is grasping at opportunities while in cleveland, my self included, we whine nervously and make a little rant on the incredible poverty issues....

and to peter lawson jones...if you really want to retain people with fututes in this city, then focus more on family interventions for cleveland public school children......helping only the child is not enough, as they are a reflection of their families, as are we all

Song of the day: my city was gone- the pretenders

"I WENT BACK TO OHIO
BUT MY CITY WAS GONE
THERE WAS NO TRAIN STATION
THERE WAS NO DOWNTOWN
SOUTH HOWARD HAD DISAPPEARED
ALL MY FAVORITE PLACES
MY CITY HAD BEEN PULLED DOWN
REDUCED TO PARKING SPACES
A, O, WAY TO GO OHIO"

pumpkin joy

the one on your right is my pumpkin....older boy shell wanted his to have cheeks



Song of the day:

just another day

yesterday was my birthday....it was hard not to think about the fact that andy probably had a birthday card sittingin a drawer ready to give to me....
his wife, roseanna, jeff jaros and i stopped by briefly wednesday night to see her....her brother called while we were there

she doesnt like her brother, but she decided to give him all the gory details of the day...later, as jeff and i talked, we decided that it was easier for her to share with us what happened by telling her brother while we listened...she didnt have to look at us by doing it that way....i know that i will never forget the picture she described, but i will also not pass on the image to anyone else

the phone rang yesterday, and it was roseanna....she had a terrible cold, which explains why nothing is happening- no obituary in the paper, no plans for the memorial.....she called and said "hi molly, thanks for checking in on me.....i looked at the calendar and i see its your birthday and i would come out and play with you if i wasnt so sick"


Song of the day: silence

poem

good morning, moon
fat and round bearing
witness on another day of mourning

this grief fades
in and out, rising
falling, rising setting
it follows the circle

suddenly alone
with you, mr. moon, the only friend
sitting with sadness

yortzeit

i lit yortziet for andy this morning......16 hours late, but....

he was a childless father, and i was one of the many fatherless children (albeit the favorite...though i guess he could have said that to everyone-not) who was blessed to have him love me, teach me about unconditional love, and i am so greatful that we were always honest with eachother- he died knowing that i waclear on his feelings for me, and i am positive that he knew how much i loved him....

travel well, andy

Mourners kaddish

English translation Transliteration Aramaic / Hebrew
1 Exalted and sanctifiedb is God's great name.a Yitgaddal v'yitqaddash sh'meh rabba יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא.
2 in the world which He has created according to His will B'ʻal'ma di v'raʼ khiruteh בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ
3 and may He establish His kingdom v'yamlikh malkhuteh וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ
4 may his salvation blossom and his anointed near.ad [v'yatzmach purqaneh viqarev (Ketz) m'shicheh] וְיַצְמַח פֻּרְקָנֵהּ וִיקָרֵב(קיץ) מְשִׁיחֵהּ
5 in your lifetime and your days b'chayekhon uvyomekhon בְּחַיֵּיכוֹן וּבְיוֹמֵיכוֹן
6 and in the lifetimes of all the House of Israel uvchaye d'khol bet yisraʼel וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל
7 speedily and soon; and say, Amen.a b'ʻagala uvizman qariv v'ʼimru amen בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
The next two lines are recited by the congregation and then the leader:
8 May His great name be blessed y'he sh'meh rabba m'varakh יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ
9 forever and to all eternity. l'ʻalam ulʻal'me ʻal'maya לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא
10 Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, Yitbarakh v'yishtabbach v'yitpaʼar v'yitromam יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרוֹמַם
11 extolled and honored, elevated and lauded v'yitnasse v'yithaddar v'yitʻalle v'yithallal וְיִתְנַשֵּׂא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל
12 be the Name of the Holy One, blessed be He.a sh'meh d'qudsha, b'rikh hu. שְׁמֵהּ דְקֻדְשָׁא בְּרִיךְ הוּא.
13 beyond (and beyondc) all the blessings l'ʻella (ulʻella mikkol) min kol birkhata לְעֵלָּא (וּלְעֵלָּא מִכָּל) מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא
14 and hymns, praises and consolations v'shirata tushb'chata v'nechemata וְשִׁירָתָא תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא
15 that are spoken in the world; and say, Amen.a daʼamiran b'al'ma v'ʼimru amen דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
The half kaddish ends here.
Here the "complete kaddish" includes:
16 eLet them be accepted: the prayers and supplications Titqabbal tz'lot'hon uvaʻut'hon תִּתְקַבל צְלוֹתְהוֹן וּבָעוּתְהוֹן
17 of the entire House of Israel d'khol bet yisraʼel דְּכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל
18 before their Father in Heaven; and say, Amen.a qodam avuhon di bishmayya, v'ʼimru amen קֳדָם אֲבוּהוֹן דִּי בִשְׁמַיָּא וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
Here the "kaddish of the rabbis" includes:
19 Upon Israel and its rabbis and their students ʻal yisraʼel v'ʻal rabbanan v'ʻal talmidehon עַל יִשְׂרָאֵל וְעַל רַבָּנָן וְעַל תַּלְמִידֵיהוֹן
20 and upon all their student's students v'ʻal kol talmidey talmidehon וְעַל כָּל תַּלְמִידֵי תַלְמִידֵיהוֹן.
21 and upon all those who engage in the Torah v'ʻal kol maʼan d'ʻos'kin b'ʼorayta וְעַל כָּל מָאן דְּעָסְקִין בְּאוֹרַיְתָא.
22 here and in all other places di b'ʼatra haden v'di b'khol atar v'ʼatar דִּי בְאַתְרָא הָדֵין וְדִי בְּכָל אֲתַר וַאֲתַר.
23 may they and you have much peace y'he l'hon ulkhon sh'lama rabba יְהֵא לְהוֹן וּלְכוֹן שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא
24 grace and kindness and mercy and long life chinna v'chisda v'rachamey v'chayyey arikhey חִנָּא וְחִסְדָּא וְרַחֲמֵי וְחַיֵּי אֲרִיכֵי
25 and plentiful nourishment and salvation umzoney r'vichey ufurqana וּמְזוֹנֵי רְוִיחֵי וּפוְּרְקָנָא
26 from before their Father in Heaven [and Earth]; min qodam avuhon di vishmayya [v'ʼarʻa]e מִן קֳדָם אֲבוּהוּן דְבִשְׁמַיָּא [וְאַרְעָא]
27 and say, Amen.a v'ʼimru amen וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
All variants but the half kaddish conclude:
28 fMay there be much peace from Heaven, Y'he sh'lama rabba min sh'mayya יְהֵא שְׁלָמָה רבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא,
29 [and] [good] life [v']chayyim [tovim] [וְ]חַיִּים [טוֹבִים]
30 and satiety, and salvation, and comfort, and saving v'sava vishuʻa v'nechama v'shezava וְשָֹבָע וִישׁוּעָה וְנֶחָמָה וְשֵׁיזָבָה
31 and healing and redemption and forgiveness and atonement urfuʼa ugʼulla uslicha v'khappara וּרְפוּאָה וּגְאֻלָּה וּסְלִיחָה וְכַפָּרָה,
32 and relief and deliveranced v'revach v'hatzzala וְרֵוַח וְהַצָּלָה
33 for us and for all His people Israel; and say, Amen.a lanu ulkhol ʻammo yisraʼel v'ʼimru amen לָנוּ וּלְכָל עַמּוֹ יִשְֹרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
34 fHe who makes peace in His heights ʻose shalom bimromav עוֹשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו,
35 may He [in his mercy]g make peace upon us hu [b'rachamav] yaʻase shalom ʻalenu הוּא [בְּרַחֲמָיו] יַעֲשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ,
36 and upon all [his nation]h Israel; and say, Amen.a v'ʻal kol [ammo] yisraʼel, v'ʼimru amen וְעַל כָּל [עַמּוֹ] יִשְֹרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.

Song of the day:

life

andrew goodwin 8/15/48-10/24/07
thank you....always and forever
Song of the day: Serenade for strings in G major (eine kliene nachtmusak)-motzart

a sad day for cleveland

from the writing on the wal

In a little more than 24 hours the doors open on the Steelyard Commons Wal-Mart. At 8:36 a.m. on 19 May 2005 citizens who opposed that store came together and turned the lights on at No Cleveland Walmart

Song of the day:

happy birthday, blog

so today afteenlightenments second birthday, and to celebrate, i have decided to repost my original three posts. i think this will also help remind me what i was aiming for in starting up, as its hard to always keep the objective (intention) in mind.

Sunday, October 23, 2005

one

i have this eastern saying stuck in my head, have for weeks now.

Before enlightenment, i chopped wood and carried water;
after enlightenment, i chopped wood and carried water

I start this blog to stop fearing my power as an individual and a voice,
and promise free poetry, political fodder, a number of tempertantrums (i'm sure)
though not on any time table.

....but i have to figure out how to do this first.

Posted by molly at 13:53 1 comments Links to this post

November 2005 Home

Comments

Jeff Hess said...

Shalom Molly,

Mazel Tov!

B'shalom,

Jeff

i think ive pretty much figured out how to do this by now, once i got one thing (like linking to other blogs)the rest followed suit

two:suggestions

if you know me, know that i will start a post off with "do not read this so and so" if its in your best interest not to (ok, mom, so you wont have to know how mad or bad i've been)- my suggestion is that you dont read it.

...i think thats my only suggestion

never did take advantage of this clause

three: social work with groups

my change, it all started with a college class i opted to take to better understand the natural chaos inherent to working within multiple systems. sounds so scholarly, right? well, instead of being given simple textbook work that charicterizes my graduate program's curriculum, i was thrown into a boiling hot cauldron of a work load (99 percent internal and scalding) with an ecentric and majickal professor stoking the fire.

an education rarity is all i can say. following suit of 'no child left behind', our higher institutions are quickly losing the creative aspects that i thought our parents had fought to give us. and now he that giveth taketh away.

i go to higher level private university, i pay over thirteen thousand a semester (or sallie may has, for the moment), and i will graduate having taken only one course that truly stretched, twisted me as a person, moments i was willing to suffer through because i could feel that butterfly flapping her wings as my being absorbed new knowledge.

just wanted to share

Posted by molly at 15:03 0 comments Links to this post

yup.

Song of the day: sacrad ground- brooke medicine eagle

we are disgusting

richest country in the world, and we dont even give one quarter of one cent of our earnings to help with the upkeep of the globe...

from: poverty.com

International Aid ― A Solution
Quick Summary: Almost all of the deaths from hunger and disease that you see on this site can be stopped. The cost to do this is about $195 billion a year, according to the United Nations. Recently, 22 developed countries listed below pledged to work towards each giving 0.7% (a little less than 1%) of their national income in international aid, which would raise the $195 billion. Some countries are slow to meet their pledge.
2006 International Aid Donated (Official Development Assistance)
COUNTRY For each $100 earned in the country, how much is donated in aid Aid as % of income How close the country is to reaching the 0.7% goal
Sweden 103 cents 1.03 Already reached goal
Luxembourg 89 cents 0.89 Already reached goal
Norway 89 cents 0.89 Already reached goal
Netherlands 81 cents 0.81 Already reached goal
Denmark 80 cents 0.80 Already reached goal
Ireland 53 cents 0.53 Scheduled to reach in 2012
United Kingdom 52 cents 0.52 Scheduled to reach in 2013
Belgium 50 cents 0.50 Scheduled to reach in 2010
Austria 48 cents 0.48 Scheduled to reach in 2015
France 47 cents 0.47 Scheduled to reach in 2012
Switzerland 39 cents 0.39 No schedule yet
Finland 39 cents 0.39 Scheduled to reach in 2010
Germany 36 cents 0.36 Scheduled to reach in 2014
Spain 32 cents 0.32 Scheduled to reach in 2012
Canada 30 cents 0.30 No schedule yet
Australia 30 cents 0.30 No schedule yet
New Zealand 27 cents 0.27 No schedule yet
Japan 25 cents 0.25 No schedule yet
Portugal 21 cents 0.21 Scheduled to reach in 2015
Italy 20 cents 0.20 Scheduled to reach in 2015
United States 17 cents 0.17 No schedule yet
Greece 16 cents 0.16 Scheduled to reach in 2015
Source: OECD

...and notice that while greece has given less then us, they have at least voiced a date for meeting their tzedaka commitment...

Song of the day: stay human- michael franti

try these on for size, you bastards

from sweetness and light

Activists send female underwear to Burmese embassies

Martin Hodgson

Friday October 19, 2007

Activists exasperated at the failure of diplomacy to apply pressure on Burma’s military regime are resorting to a new means of protest against the regime’s recent crackdown: sending female underwear to Burmese embassies. ...

visit the site to read more...its pretty interesting

i donated my girliest pair to the cause, red and silky, just to rub it in a little more than necessary
...
hat tip to hess for the heads up

Song of the day: lucy stoners- amy ray

"In every post punk bar there's a dressing room wall
where the rockboy band will make it's mark-
one hundred different pictures of private parts and some girl going down.
And there's that faggot bashing poetry but the boys are just saying
'love me please.'
In every hate filled phrase they just give it away..
boys, you give yourselves away "

(what different attitudes we have culturally, but its all the same....yes?)

poem and the response that reminds me why i write

when i was real sick, jackie sent me some wolf creek readings, and through those readings, i wrote some pretty inspired poetry, but sometimes, i feel that my writing, since i make no money at it, is a waste of time, is disrespected by others, is not meeting the expectations that the world has for me...but then someone reminds me why i use this gift of storytelling, in what ever form....

my call

centered

growing up, girl,
with passion, passion for the swing
set early on-yelling "louder!
louder!" little sandled feet
pumping as father
pushed harder, harder- correcting
girl, he said "higher,
you mean to say,
higher, you want to go higher!"

but girl knew better, cause she could hear-
she heard Wind chilly and clear in her ear,
drumming "make me louder! make me louder!"

the response

Molly, I had a swing in my back yard when I was little, and if I pumped just hard enough to go high enough, I could get my whole face right up in the
lilac tree and be surrounded by the blossoms, with their softness and
incredible smell. I was told my whole life to shh, not so loud. And yes, I
did want to go higher, but I also had, and I mean HAD, to be louder. Just
to be me, just to be normal, just to be true to my self. And I am learning
with.....you about the OKness of being just as loud and high and fully my self as I want to be. Wow. I am so lucky.

....while knowing where the chain of influence is not necessary in life, i do like to see the circle of things sometimes...how by interacting with her sun, jackie became a sun for others (well, for me at least) and then i became a sun for this responder who can now be a sun for someone else...my heart feels full right now

Song of the day: circle with in a circle- brooke medicine eagle

wolf creek III: a photo essay

for robin
sue ellen and judy at the tents
sunrise over the pasture
preparing for the sweatlodge
dragonfly standing out of a swarm

Song of the day: back to the earth- rusted root

gone camping

gone camping, be back monday

Song of the day: run through the jungle- ccr

quetzalcoatl

sure enough is a snake with feathers quetzal, a type of bird and coaatl meaning serpent....but its an aztec god, not an incan god and i am sure i learned about this at some point in elementary school or something...

Song of the day:

excerpt from "in search of normalcy"- dan cavanaugh

....i am hunting normalcy
the romantic quest
to better myself
to be like others
and liked by others
and i must do what i must do

regardless
i am sure i will feel better
when i reach
the planet normal...

this just in
according to my scientific poll
...don’t look out,
but listen in..

ok so it wasn’t really scientific
kinda saw it on a bumper sticker
on the back of a semi
next to the bossom babe mudflaps
who knows what it means to him

damn
could it be
normality is up
to me

ok, then
i’ll give it a shot
wanted
warm friends
with soft hearts
who live love
smile big
cry long
and who are willing to be
just be

so wouldn’t it be great if
as friends
you can be, and I can be

of the day

another feather?!

a feather came floating out of my freezer when i went to get some ice...i mean, it must have found its way in with the ice packs after i went camping, but i really did wash everything off well....i thought

hess says i should look up quixicotal (spelling?), that he was an ancient incan spirit, kind of like a worm with wings...i think i will have to

Song of the day: indus-dead can dance

hows my ms? just look into my eyes!

Simple eye-scan test could track progress of MS

hmmm...well, since scar tissue is the sign that i am showing on the mri, im not sure how helpful to me this will be (i hope to never have brain shrinkage, and take mymeds religiously), and im not sure how i feel about money being spent toward cheaper illness progression tracking instead of ways to slow and even stop as well as reverse progression, but hey, any advertisement/informationct of this illness is better then no advertisement/information...and the equipment for the eye scan costs less then 1/20 of an mri machine (no joke)so even in canada, youll be able to get your ms checked more often, just have the doc look into your eyes

Song of the day:

the shock doctrine: well said, ms. klein

Song of the day: white house blues- caroline aiken

school shootings:it didnt start with columbine

hess and i got in a conversation this morning about the most recent school shooting which took place right here in our town, the same school system in which i was working this year. two things made the meat of this conversation at first, why wasnt asa coon in a juvenile mental health facility instead of free in the schools to address his rage (and for some reason, though hess wants me to write about it, i am hesitant to address the current lack of beds for adolescents, and my concerns around minors on adult units....of course it may have something to do with learning that an aquantance supposedly lost her job in a hospital system because they found her blog and did not appreciate the things she said about her employer and the medical system on it)and how does race play into the media coverage of this shooting

then we talked about the rend of school shootings, which of course brought up columbine as the mother of all school shootings

this brought up alot for me, as i am unclear on why columbine is the one always cited- was it because it was the largest number of dead? because it was conspiracy versus the lone shooter? how about because it is the first time middle-class, white america felt they had a stake in this type of phenomenon?

from wikipedia

Well known shootings
United States

University of Texas at Austin massacre - Austin, Texas, United States; August 1, 1966
Orangeburg Massacre - Orangeburg, South Carolina, United States; February 8, 1968
Kent State shootings - Kent, Ohio, United States; May 4, 1970
Jackson State killings - Jackson, Mississippi, United States; May 14-15, 1970
California State University, Fullerton Library Massacre - Fullerton, California, United States; July 12, 1976
Brenda Ann Spencer, Cleveland Elementary School - January 29, 1979
Parkway South Junior High School shooting - Saint Louis, Missouri, United States; January 20, 1983
Stockton massacre - Stockton, California, United States; January 17, 1989
University of Iowa shooting - Iowa City, Iowa, United States; November 1, 1991
Simon's Rock College of Bard shooting - Great Barrington, Massachusetts, United States; December 14, 1992
Lindhurst High School shooting - Marysville, Californa, United States; May 1, 1992
East Carter High School shooting - Grayson, Kentucky, United States; January 18, 1993
Richland High School shooting - Lynnville, Tennessee, United States; November 15, 1995.
Frontier Junior High shooting - Moses Lake, Washington, United States; February 2, 1996
Pearl High School shooting, Pearl, Mississippi, United States; October 1, 1997
Heath High School shooting, West Paducah, Kentucky, United States; December 1, 1997
Jonesboro massacre - Jonesboro, Arkansas, United States; March 24, 1998
Thurston High School shooting - Springfield, Oregon, United States; May 21, 1998
Columbine High School massacre - Columbine, Colorado, United States; April 20, 1999
Heritage High School shooting - Conyers, Georgia, United States; May 20, 1999
Santana High School - Santee, California, United States; March 5, 2001
Appalachian School of Law shooting - Grundy, Virginia, United States; January 16, 2002
Rocori High School shootings - Cold Spring, Minnesota, United States; September 24, 2003
Red Lake High School massacre - Red Lake, Minnesota, United States; March 21, 2005
Campbell County High School - Jacksboro, Tennessee: November 8, 2005
Platte Canyon High School shooting - Bailey, Colorado, United States; September 27, 2006
Weston High School shooting, Cazenovia, Wisconsin September 29, 2006
Amish school shooting - Nickel Mines, Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, United States; October 2, 2006
Henry Foss High School - Tacoma, Washington, United States January 3, 2007
Virginia Tech massacre - Blacksburg, Virginia, United States; April 16, 2007
SuccessTech Academy shooting - Cleveland, Ohio, United States; October 10, 2007

itll be interesting to learn more

Song of the day: gangsta's paradise- coolio

yet another feather message

so in the hurry of the week, i did not get around to talking about anything at all....i actually worked yesterday, EGAD!! (no really, i picked up some week days over the next couple months so i will be a little more employed again)and ive been thinking about robin (ill call you tonight to see how youre doing), so the fact that i just camped and that i camp again this friday has been kind of side margained

one thing that came up at the brooke medicine eagle weekend: animal allies and visions

my animal ally was the earth worm, and we were broken up into small groups (the professor was in my group) and we each asked a question of everyone elses animal allies...i asked how can i have intention without destroying everything on the way (as seems to be the way it is working right now)and the professors ally (the praying mantis-what an odd interesting animal)and the praying mantis said i had been trying to walk but needed to fly. now, i was still struggling with this piece of advice- couldnt put meaning to it even though it made sense (i am a toe dipper, not a dive-right-inner), but then an intersting occurance came about...

my god father is healthy enough to do my weekly injections again, and while we were bonding after it yesterday, i disseminated the weekend for him, but walking home, i thought on how i didnt mention the professors advice, about flying, and i looked down just in time to see a feather, whole and large, on the urban sidewalk.

then walking to dinner, i was thinking about how strange that i should come across a feather while i was thinking about being told to fly when i came across yet another feather...but i accidentally left that one at the restaurant...

Song of the day: learning to fly- tom petty

"Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I started out for God knows where
But I guess Ill know when I get there...

Im learning to fly"

setting up shiva; the importance of community

a friend's father died on monday....this is a first for me, and i wasnt sure what i, as a close friend, could do to lighten the load for my friend. she is the only girl of three children, and i am watching her stay strong and brave, trying to get everything set up.....i cleaned as much as i could on tuesday, and will be staying and setting up while everyone goes to the gravesite with two other women (who hopefully have more experience then me at shiva)

this past weekend, i did alot of thinking about the transition from girl to womanhood...it seemed to me that as a grew, there was little expectation that i take on new responsibilities...and i will talk more about this at another time, but we did some guided imagry of what it would be like if we lived in a tribal society and getting the first period was a very pronounced transition that brought new responsibility

so here i am, doing my best to be a strong friend, trying to take on as much as i know how to so as to make less work in this transition...and maybe i will join a temple, because i really have no idea what to do (thankful for my mother and hess, who are doing their best in guiding me to be helpful)

Song of the day: mourners kaddish- traditional prayer for the dead

the lost wolf creek weekend: meeting brooke medicine eagle

i am still tired this evening, so i wont go into detail much, but this weekend was a workshop menat to replace our lost wc weekend from june...it was interesting and different. i had never heard of her before, really, but brooke medicine eagle is a native american spiritualist and healer, musician and story-teller (thought the stories almost felt like they got in the way sometimes)....i especially loved the music, as music goes directly to my heart

and that majickal professor, the one who has all that sun energy for me, the one who vacated the role of teacher, the one who said she has nothing else she could teach me- i see that brooke is a teacher for her, gives her sun energy....it was interesting to watch brooke and her interact, but i felt every modicum of embarrasment the professor felt when brooke called her on stuff, which i noticed twice...it felt vindicating in an uncomfortable way, and it also made me a little annoyed with brooke in a "dont mess with my teacher!" kind of way...well except for this one time, brooke corrected the professor in service of me...then i felt relieved that it was being said by someone the professor would hear out...and i do think something has shifted between the professor and me again, but what it is, i will not even guess at

Song of the day: grandfather fire- brooke medicine eagle

gone camping, be back monday

Song of the day: bitterroot- indigo girls