yortzeit

i lit yortziet for andy this morning......16 hours late, but....

he was a childless father, and i was one of the many fatherless children (albeit the favorite...though i guess he could have said that to everyone-not) who was blessed to have him love me, teach me about unconditional love, and i am so greatful that we were always honest with eachother- he died knowing that i waclear on his feelings for me, and i am positive that he knew how much i loved him....

travel well, andy

Mourners kaddish

English translation Transliteration Aramaic / Hebrew
1 Exalted and sanctifiedb is God's great name.a Yitgaddal v'yitqaddash sh'meh rabba יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא.
2 in the world which He has created according to His will B'ʻal'ma di v'raʼ khiruteh בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ
3 and may He establish His kingdom v'yamlikh malkhuteh וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ
4 may his salvation blossom and his anointed near.ad [v'yatzmach purqaneh viqarev (Ketz) m'shicheh] וְיַצְמַח פֻּרְקָנֵהּ וִיקָרֵב(קיץ) מְשִׁיחֵהּ
5 in your lifetime and your days b'chayekhon uvyomekhon בְּחַיֵּיכוֹן וּבְיוֹמֵיכוֹן
6 and in the lifetimes of all the House of Israel uvchaye d'khol bet yisraʼel וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל
7 speedily and soon; and say, Amen.a b'ʻagala uvizman qariv v'ʼimru amen בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
The next two lines are recited by the congregation and then the leader:
8 May His great name be blessed y'he sh'meh rabba m'varakh יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ
9 forever and to all eternity. l'ʻalam ulʻal'me ʻal'maya לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא
10 Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, Yitbarakh v'yishtabbach v'yitpaʼar v'yitromam יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרוֹמַם
11 extolled and honored, elevated and lauded v'yitnasse v'yithaddar v'yitʻalle v'yithallal וְיִתְנַשֵּׂא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל
12 be the Name of the Holy One, blessed be He.a sh'meh d'qudsha, b'rikh hu. שְׁמֵהּ דְקֻדְשָׁא בְּרִיךְ הוּא.
13 beyond (and beyondc) all the blessings l'ʻella (ulʻella mikkol) min kol birkhata לְעֵלָּא (וּלְעֵלָּא מִכָּל) מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא
14 and hymns, praises and consolations v'shirata tushb'chata v'nechemata וְשִׁירָתָא תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא
15 that are spoken in the world; and say, Amen.a daʼamiran b'al'ma v'ʼimru amen דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
The half kaddish ends here.
Here the "complete kaddish" includes:
16 eLet them be accepted: the prayers and supplications Titqabbal tz'lot'hon uvaʻut'hon תִּתְקַבל צְלוֹתְהוֹן וּבָעוּתְהוֹן
17 of the entire House of Israel d'khol bet yisraʼel דְּכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל
18 before their Father in Heaven; and say, Amen.a qodam avuhon di bishmayya, v'ʼimru amen קֳדָם אֲבוּהוֹן דִּי בִשְׁמַיָּא וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
Here the "kaddish of the rabbis" includes:
19 Upon Israel and its rabbis and their students ʻal yisraʼel v'ʻal rabbanan v'ʻal talmidehon עַל יִשְׂרָאֵל וְעַל רַבָּנָן וְעַל תַּלְמִידֵיהוֹן
20 and upon all their student's students v'ʻal kol talmidey talmidehon וְעַל כָּל תַּלְמִידֵי תַלְמִידֵיהוֹן.
21 and upon all those who engage in the Torah v'ʻal kol maʼan d'ʻos'kin b'ʼorayta וְעַל כָּל מָאן דְּעָסְקִין בְּאוֹרַיְתָא.
22 here and in all other places di b'ʼatra haden v'di b'khol atar v'ʼatar דִּי בְאַתְרָא הָדֵין וְדִי בְּכָל אֲתַר וַאֲתַר.
23 may they and you have much peace y'he l'hon ulkhon sh'lama rabba יְהֵא לְהוֹן וּלְכוֹן שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא
24 grace and kindness and mercy and long life chinna v'chisda v'rachamey v'chayyey arikhey חִנָּא וְחִסְדָּא וְרַחֲמֵי וְחַיֵּי אֲרִיכֵי
25 and plentiful nourishment and salvation umzoney r'vichey ufurqana וּמְזוֹנֵי רְוִיחֵי וּפוְּרְקָנָא
26 from before their Father in Heaven [and Earth]; min qodam avuhon di vishmayya [v'ʼarʻa]e מִן קֳדָם אֲבוּהוּן דְבִשְׁמַיָּא [וְאַרְעָא]
27 and say, Amen.a v'ʼimru amen וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
All variants but the half kaddish conclude:
28 fMay there be much peace from Heaven, Y'he sh'lama rabba min sh'mayya יְהֵא שְׁלָמָה רבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא,
29 [and] [good] life [v']chayyim [tovim] [וְ]חַיִּים [טוֹבִים]
30 and satiety, and salvation, and comfort, and saving v'sava vishuʻa v'nechama v'shezava וְשָֹבָע וִישׁוּעָה וְנֶחָמָה וְשֵׁיזָבָה
31 and healing and redemption and forgiveness and atonement urfuʼa ugʼulla uslicha v'khappara וּרְפוּאָה וּגְאֻלָּה וּסְלִיחָה וְכַפָּרָה,
32 and relief and deliveranced v'revach v'hatzzala וְרֵוַח וְהַצָּלָה
33 for us and for all His people Israel; and say, Amen.a lanu ulkhol ʻammo yisraʼel v'ʼimru amen לָנוּ וּלְכָל עַמּוֹ יִשְֹרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
34 fHe who makes peace in His heights ʻose shalom bimromav עוֹשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו,
35 may He [in his mercy]g make peace upon us hu [b'rachamav] yaʻase shalom ʻalenu הוּא [בְּרַחֲמָיו] יַעֲשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ,
36 and upon all [his nation]h Israel; and say, Amen.a v'ʻal kol [ammo] yisraʼel, v'ʼimru amen וְעַל כָּל [עַמּוֹ] יִשְֹרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.

Song of the day:

life

andrew goodwin 8/15/48-10/24/07
thank you....always and forever
Song of the day: Serenade for strings in G major (eine kliene nachtmusak)-motzart

setting up shiva; the importance of community

a friend's father died on monday....this is a first for me, and i wasnt sure what i, as a close friend, could do to lighten the load for my friend. she is the only girl of three children, and i am watching her stay strong and brave, trying to get everything set up.....i cleaned as much as i could on tuesday, and will be staying and setting up while everyone goes to the gravesite with two other women (who hopefully have more experience then me at shiva)

this past weekend, i did alot of thinking about the transition from girl to womanhood...it seemed to me that as a grew, there was little expectation that i take on new responsibilities...and i will talk more about this at another time, but we did some guided imagry of what it would be like if we lived in a tribal society and getting the first period was a very pronounced transition that brought new responsibility

so here i am, doing my best to be a strong friend, trying to take on as much as i know how to so as to make less work in this transition...and maybe i will join a temple, because i really have no idea what to do (thankful for my mother and hess, who are doing their best in guiding me to be helpful)

Song of the day: mourners kaddish- traditional prayer for the dead

changes

wolf creek-a five weekend camping/commnity/personal workshop run by that majickal professor of mine (if you remember anything about her...and if not read how my blog got started)was cancelled for this weekend, and will be rescheduled....i wasnt ready to really say much about it until now, but....

the weekend was sposed to start at 10:00 am on friday, but the majickal professor's mother died at six am that morning.

for me, it really works out best. my left thigh and waist have again contracted,though thankfully the numbness is mild (knocking on wood). i started having problems on thursday, and was almost going to cancel myself, though i got to a place inside where i accepted i could still go, but would have to sleep inside as well as sit out many of the activities.

i received a notice with information on the funeral and shiva...it wasnt for me specifically, but everyone involved in wolf creek this year....i am going to the service but not the shiva, and that decision is based on a few things:
1. iwant to support someone who has been very supportive of me
2. i have never been to a shiva and dont know i want to
3. this is also my therapists aunt that has died and i need to make sure we both feel ok, and i think that shiva is a little too personal and private

i am definitly going to go though, in a bright dress and a supportive mood...

...i would email her in the middle of the night while i was sick, about my pain, my inability to sleep, about my loss (feeling loss, job loss etc...), and she always responded with her positive words, she never pitied me, she stood out from the soft eyes and sympathetic apologies so many people gave me (actually, r, you and k also were positive through my difficulties, not pitying me, and i appreciate it)


poem of the morning: runner at twilight-grace butcher

i move, shining, over dim hills.
the grass unwinds a blur of rivers
on the bottom of the night;
i cross with no bridges.
my hair is heavy with fog,
and my breathing is the force
that spins the universe.
there is more to the spectrum
than i suppesed:
beyond the violet are endless miles
of impossible colors.

-travel well, mrs. schloss