Thursday, October 27, 2005


i have MS (capatalized in a world of lower case to make sure you understand it means multiple sclerosis), sensory MS to be exact. my skin goes numb, only not really numb, but more the sensation as novacaine wears off, though not always painful, but it does not feel right. my eyes go blind, grayish purple spots that thin as they disappear with healing, it looks like i am looking through a lace curtain that is wearing down with age until at all goes back to normal, except that my reds are a little duller or some other mild annoyance. sometimes the body tightens up in a girdle effect, and i feel trapped in the clothes women had to wear in the victorian era and i cannot take them off. all of these things, they are overwhelming, distracting, and it takes all my energy to tollerate this never ending nightmare i get stuck in until my episodes pass, and knocking on wood, i will continue to recover as i have.

i should be greatful greatful that it isnt any worse. but one time, the left side of my face stopped working and i didnt even notice until i looked at myself in the mirror when i was smiling real big and i looked kinda like a stroke victim with only the one corner turned up. i only remembered when literally faced with myself. it was tollerable and it scares me that i would rather not be able to move a muscle then be numb.

ok, i am done being morbid for the night.

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