Friday, September 29, 2006

a response to my previous post

i have now set up comment moderation on my blog. this means that all comments will need to be approved by me before they appear on the screen.

i have done this because one reader "buttersnatch" wrote me a lengthy comment that used obsenities and also personally attacked me.

it is my intention to have open, appropriate discourse on this site, and i in no way mean to sensor people's opinions, but i will not allow inappropriate language or personal attacks.

if anyone ever notices either of these things in my posts, please feel free to let me know so i can correct it (as even i mess up and say things that i am not happy having said later, and can miss that i ever said at all)

as for "buttersnatch", he is welcome to rewrite his post without swearing or calling me names and i would be happy to allow the comment...though i think even his name is probably an offensive way of refering to a vagina...

in case he chooses not to, i want people to know that this reader strongly disagreed with my opinion, feels the congress made an acceptable choice in passing the new torture laws, and seems to believe in the war in iraq



"stress position" drawing from khymer rouge

FROM DAVIDCORN.COM This Is What Waterboarding Looks Like
As Congress has debated legislation that would set up military tribunals and govern the questioning of suspected terrorists (whom the Bush administration would like to be able to detain indefinitely), at issue has been what interrogation techniques can be employed and whether information obtained during torture can be used against those deemed unlawful enemy combatants. One interrogation practice central to this debate is waterboarding. It's usually described in the media in a matter-of-fact manner. The Washington Post simply referred to waterboarding a few days ago as an interrogation measure that "simulates drowning." But what does waterboarding look like?

Below are photographs taken by Jonah Blank last month at Tuol Sleng Prison in Phnom Penh, Cambodia. The prison is now a museum that documents Khymer Rouge atrocities. [snip] the views expressed here are his own observations.

His photos show one of the actual waterboards used by the Khymer Rouge. Here's the first:

How were they used? Here's a painting by a former prisoner that shows the waterboard in action:

In an email to me, Blank explained the significance of the photos. He wrote:

The crux of the issue before Congress can be boiled down to a simple question: Is waterboarding torture? [snip]. The Khymer Rouge were adept at torture, and there was nothing "lite" about their methods. Incidentally, the waterboard in these photo wasn't merely one among many torture devices highlighted at the prison museum. It was one of only two devices singled out for highlighting [snip] There was an outdoor device as well, [snip] chin-up bars. (The prison where the museum is located had been a school before the Khymer Rouge took over). These bars were used for "stress positions"-- another practice employed under current US guidelines. At the Khymer Rouge prison, there is a tank of water next to the bars. It was used to revive prisoners for more torture when they passed out after being placed in stress positions.

The similarity between practices used by the Khymer Rouge and those currently being debated by Congress isn't a coincidence. As has been amply documented ("The New Yorker" had an excellent piece, and there have been others), many of the "enhanced techniques" came to the CIA and military interrogators via the SERE [Survival, Evasion, Resistance and Escape] schools, where US military personnel are trained to resist torture if they are captured by the enemy. [snip]These techniques were designed to elicit CONFESSIONS. That's what the Khymer Rouge et al were after with their waterboarding, not truthful information.

Bottom line: Not only do waterboarding and the other types of torture currently being debated put us in company with the most vile regimes of the past half-century; they're also designed specifically to generate a (usually false) confession, not to obtain genuinely actionable intel.

These photos are important because most of us have never seen an actual, real-life waterboard. The press typically describes it in the most anodyne ways: a device meant to "simulate drowning" or to "make the prisoner believe he might drown." But the Khymer Rouge were no jokesters, and they didn't tailor their abuse to the dictates of the Geneva Convention. They-- like so many brutal regimes--made waterboarding one of their primary tools for a simple reason: it is one of the most viciously effective forms of torture ever devised.

The legislation backed by Bush and congressional Republicans would explicitly permit the use of evidence obtained through waterboarding and other forms of torture. Khalid Sheikh Muhammad and other top al Qaeda leaders have reportedly been subjected to this technique. They would certainly note--or try to note--that at any trial. But with this legislation, the White House is seeking to declare the use of waterboarding (at least in the past) as a legitimate practice of the US government.


please visit mr. corns site for the story in its entirety....i know alot of you wont though, which is why i copied the majority of it and included the pictures.

I KNOW ITS PAINFUL TO BE ANGRY, AND I KNOW WE ALL HAVE BUSY LIVES, BUT THIS IS A DANGER NOT TO US BUT OUR CHILDREN!!!!!!!!!!!!! and while i know many may disagree, i think the risk of these now torture laws are going to end up being alot more dangeruous for our children then terrorism. what if it is your children that become our soldiers, and our captured by the enemy? do you think they will show our soldiers any respect, now that we have legalied torture?

Song of the day: goodnight saigon

Thursday, September 28, 2006

MS drug treatment shows promise

woo hoo!!!!!!!!! a pill form!!!!!!!!

from AP:
MS drug treatment shows promise Thu Sep 28, 8:19 AM ET

EAST HANOVER, N.J. - Novartis Pharmaceuticals Corp., the U.S. unit of Swiss drugmaker Novartis AG, said Thursday that at least three out of four patients given an experimental multiple sclerosis treatment were free of relapses for more than two years.

The company released data from a mid-stage clinical study showing that 77 percent of MS patients given the treatment FTY720 over two years remained free of relapses.

Multiple sclerosis, which affects more than 2.5 million people worldwide, is an incurable disease which causes the body's immune system to destroy the insulation of nerve fibers.

More than 80 percent of patients taking the drug were found not to have active inflammation according to medical imaging scans. The company also said that patients who had been given a placebo for the first six months of the study showed a marked improvement after they were switched to the treatment, an improvement that was sustained out to the 24th month of the study.

Novartis developed FTY720 after licensing the compound from Mitsubishi Pharma. The oral drug is currently in late-stage clinical trials.

conversations: on assuming what the "Other" means

i am short on social graces. i dont pick up on hints real well, and i do best when people are just straight forward with me, and i dont waste alot of time trying to make out what the other person is trying to tell me.

in some ways, that keeps things real clear. it is real simple to get what you want from me, just say it, and chances are you can have it...well, thats an exaggeration, but just say it and you will at least know for sure if you can have it or not, because i am direct right back.

i believe too much time is spent on hinting and alluding in the name of politeness or not offending or whatever the reasoning is, and it goes right over my head (i can be so concrete and it can take me weeks to have a conversation that someone else will have in five minutes).... i have theories on why this is (the high amount of scar tissue on my myelin with no visible understanding as to what was damaged being my number one conclusion). somehow, i feel like being direct is considered rude in our society, but one can be direct without being meant as rude- of course, that does not guarantee that the listener wont take it as such... so really then, doesnt the outcome of directness lie more with the listener then the speaker? alluding or hinting, however, is fully the responsibility of the speaker, as the words we use (speaker) and our responses to the others words (listener) are the only things we can control in a conversation.

i know, at least for me, my INTENTION is not to hurt or create boundries with directness, but to have no doubt on what is being said.... a friend of mine invited me to a bbq at her house this weekend, only she did not put her address in the invite and instead of just asking for her address, i alluded that i needed it, and her next email did not contain her address, so i wrote another one alluding, and i got no response.... so now, a confusion has been created in our relationship- which is still very new- and will add a level of awkwardness for awhile that had not been there before because i ended up coming across as insecure in my third email and she replied by saying she had meant no pressure and telling me it would be ok if i couldnt make it.... its all been worked out now, but how silly! right?

Song of the day: conversation- joni mitchell

Time to pull out your american history books

there is a reason that the first article of the Constitution is called the Legislative Article, found just after the preamble, and before the article addressing the office of the presidency. it clearly discusses the rights awarded and forbidden to the congress (which includes both the senate and the house of representatives). it is to make sure that this legislative body can keep the executive office (or the president and vice president) in CHECK, and not allow the BALANCE of our system to falter.

from page 27 of my history book "government by the people" 2001-2002 edition (Burns is the first wuthor) in order for our system of checks and balances to work, James Madison wrote in the Federalist NO. 51 that "the great security against a GRADUAL concentration of the several powers in the same department consists in giving to those that administer each department the necessary constitional means an d personal motives to resist encroachment of the others... ambition must be made to counteract ambition"

what this says to me is that every single member of congress who voted to allow president bush to have so many POWERS entruste solely to his opinion must be kicked out of office in November, for i can truly say that the only motivation the members of OUR congress seem to respond to is the ambition of reelection

18:45- i want to add a link to The Goldwater Girl. Sen. Clinton also proves the point that it is "ambition (that) must...couteract ambition", as Sullivan points out after this speech...though i must say, hillary had not much impressed me up to this point, but she is showing her knowledge of history and intentions as a lawmaker

the scariest news:congress gives the prez WAY too much authority

ok, i am obviously not working today, so i figures i would use my time productively. the bolding and italisizing is me, to make extra point of these things....but talk about UNCONSTITUTIONAL!!

from today's NY times:

Rushing Off a Cliff
Published: September 28, 2006

Here’s what happens when this irresponsible Congress railroads a profoundly important bill to serve the mindless politics of a midterm election: The Bush administration uses Republicans’ fear of losing their majority to push through ghastly ideas about antiterrorism that will make American troops less safe and do lasting damage to our 217-year-old nation of laws — while actually doing nothing to protect the nation from terrorists. Democrats betray their principles to avoid last-minute attack ads. Our democracy is the big loser.

Republicans say Congress must act right now to create procedures for charging and trying terrorists — because the men accused of plotting the 9/11 attacks are available for trial. That’s pure propaganda. Those men could have been tried and convicted long ago, but President Bush chose not to. He held them in illegal detention, had them questioned in ways that will make real trials very hard, and invented a transparently illegal system of kangaroo courts to convict them.

It was only after the Supreme Court issued the inevitable ruling striking down Mr. Bush’s shadow penal system that he adopted his tone of urgency. It serves a cynical goal: Republican strategists think they can win this fall, not by passing a good law but by forcing Democrats to vote against a bad one so they could be made to look soft on terrorism.

Last week, the White House and three Republican senators announced a terrible deal on this legislation that gave Mr. Bush most of what he wanted, including a blanket waiver for crimes Americans may have committed in the service of his antiterrorism policies. Then Vice President Dick Cheney and his willing lawmakers rewrote the rest of the measure so that it would give Mr. Bush the power to jail pretty much anyone he wants for as long as he wants without charging them, to unilaterally reinterpret the Geneva Conventions, to authorize what normal people consider torture, and to deny justice to hundreds of men captured in error.

These are some of the bill’s biggest flaws:

Enemy Combatants: A dangerously broad definition of “illegal enemy combatant” in the bill could subject legal residents of the United States, as well as foreign citizens living in their own countries, to summary arrest and indefinite detention with no hope of appeal. The president could give the power to apply this label to anyone he wanted.

The Geneva Conventions: The bill would repudiate a half-century of international precedent by allowing Mr. Bush to decide on his own what abusive interrogation methods he considered permissible. And his decision could stay secret — there’s no requirement that this list be published.

Habeas Corpus: Detainees in U.S. military prisons would lose the basic right to challenge their imprisonment. These cases do not clog the courts, nor coddle terrorists. They simply give wrongly imprisoned people a chance to prove their innocence.

Judicial Review: The courts would have no power to review any aspect of this new system, except verdicts by military tribunals. The bill would limit appeals and bar legal actions based on the Geneva Conventions, directly or indirectly. All Mr. Bush would have to do to lock anyone up forever is to declare him an illegal combatant and not have a trial.

Coerced Evidence: Coerced evidence would be permissible if a judge considered it reliable — already a contradiction in terms — and relevant. Coercion is defined in a way that exempts anything done before the passage of the 2005 Detainee Treatment Act, and anything else Mr. Bush chooses.

Secret Evidence: American standards of justice prohibit evidence and testimony that is kept secret from the defendant, whether the accused is a corporate executive or a mass murderer. But the bill as redrafted by Mr. Cheney seems to weaken protections against such evidence.

Offenses: The definition of torture is unacceptably narrow, a virtual reprise of the deeply cynical memos the administration produced after 9/11. Rape and sexual assault are defined in a retrograde way that covers only forced or coerced activity, and not other forms of nonconsensual sex. The bill would
•There is not enough time to fix these bills, especially since effectively eliminate the idea of rape as torture.

The few Republicans who call themselves moderates have been whipped into line, and the Democratic leadership in the Senate seems to have misplaced its spine. If there was ever a moment for a filibuster, this was it.

We don’t blame the Democrats for being frightened. The Republicans have made it clear that they’ll use any opportunity to brand anyone who votes against this bill as a terrorist enabler. But Americans of the future won’t remember the pragmatic arguments for caving in to the administration.

They’ll know that in 2006, Congress passed a tyrannical law that will be ranked with the low points in American democracy, our generation’s version of the Alien and Sedition Acts

Song of the day:

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

the count down: 30 days to 30

oh boy... thirty.... dirty thirty as they say in "world according to garp". my friend tonya has taken responsibility for planning something, maybe even camping (though i told her we needed to have a dinner for those with itty-bitty family members as i KNOW they wont want to be away for so long quite yet), since london is a no-go (theres money issues having to do with health insurance that are not resolvable at this maybe in the spring or something...)

but 30! its interesting the way numbers can play games with the head, and societal 'norms' that just will not be met in this life can influence the response to this change of decade, but i dont care. i have begun the process of applying for doctoral programs, still working my way at marymount, living my life.... only, sometimes i do care. do i need to dress different now, give up wearing pajamas to morning coffee and hippie dresses everywhere but work? do i need to act different now, find a way to be a little more sober and laugh a little quieter?

there was a time when i was convinced i wouldnt see 23, first because i was living my wacky insane careless ways (or because sally kept flashing her boobs at every car we passed on the road and i was sure one of those days someone was gonna follow us into a rest stop and that would be the end), then because i didnt think i would manage to live with my condition (ms). but the craziness ended and the surprise and depression cleared, and i learned to live.

this is also the days of awe, a time to reflect on life, what i have and have not accomplished, where i want to be and how to go forwarda nd i am realizing that i will head into this next chapter of my life with few regrets and plenty of growing still to be done.

30, i look forward to meeting you...

Song of the day: return to innocence- enigma

Monday, September 25, 2006

saddam hussien: an introduction to his role in current global politics

one thing that was always difficult for me was being able to tolerate the contradiction that exists in almost all situations. over the past year, thanks to that majickal professor (as is appropriate in this moment for i refer specifically to her teachings), i have developed more understanding for this ambivilance , and this morning turned this new reasoning mind toward the middle east and the fall of Hussein.

it started simply, checking out for the current count (something i used to daily but really only get to once a week or so now), first for our soldiers, both killed (2700) and wounded (20,000), and then the iraqi toll.

17,000 iraqis have died since april 2005.

i found myself wondering how many died under saddam hussein and discovered that the contradiction of this leader is immense and something i was never taught about, nore do i feel we as a nation really talk about. so i have decided to take a look at his rule, and try and toss out all spin and personal opinion while at the same time making the history assessable to all of us.

this will most likely take a few posts (and way too much time to do at once), so i will just leave this one as an introduction to this little series...

Sunday, September 24, 2006

happy birthday

shanna and sarah g. and nolan and amy and genise

Song of the day: whatever you want to hear, it is afterall, your birthday!

fear of blindness

(this is actually a cataract but surprising similar to the beginningand ending phases of an MS vision episode for me... except not as purple looking )

my mother hates when i say "ive been blind", she says its an over exaggeration (which is an exaggeration in and of itself), but i have been blind.....i mean, i wouldnt know what else to call it. MS has taken chunks of my vision four times, and chaos along with steroids and positive thinking has given it back to me four times, but often i ponder on it being gone forever.

this morning i woke up, and it seemed to me the right eye had that familiar haze. i wake up alot of mornings and fear the haze, almost like a thin lacy curtain hanging over a bay window, the light of early morning playing tricks on the mind.

not that its always a trick, mind you. it has been an episode in the past, or side effect. part of how MS works is that there is scar tissue on the myelin, and so when i heat up, i do often get a haze as like a side effect to my scars, but coolness on back of neck quiets it, so that does not frighten me too much.

i find ways to comfort myself, most importantly the realization that there are other ways to see, and i do see in other ways. i know ive always seen in other ways, but i did not talk about it until my last vision loss in 2001. my therapist, jody, kept commenting on how different i was in my blindness, how much sharper the rest of me was, especially in seeing what was really going on in the room; in me, in her, between us.... i just didnt know how else to connect but to verbalize all the non-visual things i see... i never fully went back to my silence in this, by the way.

...i am still glad this morning was just a trick of the light

Song of the day: raga jog-ravi shankur

Saturday, September 23, 2006

Repeat DUIs Associated With Mental Illnesses

i first began considering the imprtance of treating mental illness and substance abuse together after learning about SAMI at CWRU. currently the two isssues are treated seperately, with a demand the substance abuse problem be resolved before many doctors or systems will begin addressing mental illness. this article was on yahoo today:
Repeat DUIs Associated With Mental Illnesses Fri Sep 22, 7:03 PM ET

FRIDAY, Sept. 22 (HealthDay News) -- More than half of repeat DUI offenders suffer from at least one mental illness, say researchers from the Pacific Institute for Research and Evaluation (PIRE).

A new study published in the September issue of the Journal of Studies on Alcohol looked at people who had been convicted of at least two DUI (driving under the influence) offenses in the past 10 years.

The researchers found that almost 60 percent of the participants reported experiencing major depression, bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, or post-traumatic stress disorder over their lifetime, in addition to a drug or alcohol-use disorder.

"People who deal with drug and alcohol abusers need to understand there are often other disorders that need to be dealt with as well," Sandra Lapham, principal investigator of the study, said in a prepared statement. "That's why we need to screen repeat offenders for multiple disorders."

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has more about substance abuse treatment services.

Song of the day:

Friday, September 22, 2006

Antarctic ozone hole nears record: U.N. agency 1 hour, 25 minutes ago

Antarctic ozone hole nears record: U.N. agency 1 hour, 25 minutes ago

GENEVA (Reuters) - The hole over Antarctica's ozone layer is bigger than last year and is nearing the record 29-million-square-km (11-million-sq-mile) hole seen in 2000, the World Meteorological Organization said on Friday.

Geir Braathen, the United Nations weather agency's top ozone expert, said ozone depletion had a late onset in this year's southern hemisphere winter, when low temperatures normally trigger chemical reactions that break down the atmospheric layer that filters dangerous solar radiation.

"The ozone depletion started quite late, but when it started it came quite rapidly," Braathen told journalists in Geneva.

"It (the hole) has now risen to a level that has passed last year's, and is very close to, if not equal to, the ozone hole size of 2003, and also approaching the size of 2000," he said.

The Antarctic ozone hole was at its second-largest in 2003.

While use of ozone-depleting chlorofluorocarbons (CFCs) has waned, Braathen said large amounts of chlorine and bromine remain in the atmosphere and would keep causing large reductions in the Antarctic ozone layer for many years to come.

"We will for the next couple of decades expect to see recurring ozone holes of the size that we see now," he said.

The WMO and the U.N. Environment Program (UNEP) said in August that the protective layer would likely return to pre-1980 levels by 2049 over much of Europe, North America, Asia, Australasia, Latin America and Africa.

In Antarctica, the agencies said ozone layer recovery would likely be delayed until 2065.

Theory: Jim Webb as the Allen/jewish instigator?

my theory, which i dont have in me to do research on, i am not a journalist, just an opinionated woman, but i hope some one else finds my thinking interesting enough to consider...

the theory goes: Jim Webb did not believe he could beat Sen. Allen in the republican primary, so he decided to run as a democrat against candidate Harris Miller, who is jewish. Webb then used what i would consider anti-semetic tactics in his campaign, including this charicature:

this is something i blogged about back in june, as i was concerned that this might just be how hatred starts, and then spreads from there. anyhow, Webb beats the true democratic candidate in the primary through these tactics, and now once again, judiasm will most likely be the main issue that will cost his opponent the election and i cant help but think that maybe Mr. Webb has something to do with the (true) jewish rumor.

i am not a fan of Sen. Allen, he is racist and hateful, but i believe finding out he is of jewish heratige will spin his entire life out of control. it will effect his self-image, it will put into question everything he believes true to know that his parents lied to him his whole life, it will affect his children and he will have to find a way to discuss this with them, it could ruin his marriage....we dont know how this survivor family's story will play out, but i need say to him:

"Senator Allen, you have my support to use this chaotic moment in your life to grow. i ask you not to change what you believe about your religion, only diversity. you are now in the position to reconsider all the avenues you have taken in life, the racial slurs, the anti-semitism, the history of the CCC/KKK, and truly change for the better..."

Song of the day:

Thursday, September 21, 2006


To Danzinger, Molly
Sent 21-SEP-2006 12:00:33
ID 2533512

Thank you for your interest in the IRC30187 - Social Worker. We have reviewed your resume and have carefully considered your qualifications. While your skills and experience are impressive, we have decided to pursue other candidates for this position.

Recruitment Services University Hospital Health Systems

...they didnt even bother to call first... i hope this means they already picked someone or something, and not that my references gave negative information or something

....after some research, i realize that this was one of three positions i applied for in the same hospital system. this position requires three years experience (which we all know i dont have at all...only a year that was not internship and only on a prn basis), so i am a little less sad and it explains the lack of phone call
Song of the day:warm love- van morrison

never forget: another survivor story

miami memorial
in the news this week we have been hearing about sen. george allen, (r-va). at a press conference this past weekend, peggy fox, a reporter for wusa tv, confronted sen. allen with a jewish heritage ARE YOU A JEW HEIR ALLEN...?. i had some very ambivilant feelings towards the senators response, until the story further unfolded. today this story came out. from the washington post:

RICHMOND, Sept. 20 -- Henrietta "Etty" Allen said Wednesday that she concealed her upbringing as a Jew in North Africa from her children, including Sen. George Allen (R-Va.), until a conversation across the dining room table in late August.

She said Allen asked her directly about his Jewish heritage when he was in Los Angeles for a fundraiser. "We sat across the table and he said, 'Mom, there's a rumor that Pop-pop and Mom-mom were Jewish and so were you,' " she recalled.... Allen's mother, who is 83, said she told her son the truth: That she had been raised as a Jew in Tunisia before moving to the United States. She said that she and the senator's father, famed former Redskins coach George Allen, had wanted to protect their children from living with the fear that she had experienced during World War II. Her father, Felix Lumbroso, was imprisoned by the Nazis during the German occupation of Tunis.

"What they put my father through. I always was fearful," Etty Allen said in a telephone interview. "I didn't want my children to have to go through that fear all the time. When I told Georgie, I said, 'Now you don't love me anymore.' He said, 'Mom, I respect you more than ever.' "..."I said, well, I just didn't want anyone to know," she explained. "I had said, 'Please don't tell your brothers and sister and your wife.' The fact this is such an issue justifies my actions, and my behavior."
...And for the past three days, he has been forced to deal publicly with a very private matter.

Allen's Jewish heritage has been a subject of low-level political speculation for years, in part because the former governor and first-term senator often refers to his grandfather's incarceration by the Nazis in political speeches. But Allen has always said Lumbroso was a member of the Free French resistance movement and insisted that he and his mother were raised as Christians.

...Allen's mother said she first began concealing her Jewish roots after meeting her future husband, afraid that she would not be accepted by his parents and fearful that her religion could harm his budding coaching career, which started at Whittier College, a school in Southern California founded by Quakers.
"He didn't want me to tell his mother," she said of the elder George Allen. "At that time, that was a no-no, to marry outside the church." Allen died in 1990.

Leo Mugmon, 92, a longtime friend of Allen's mother who knew her as a Jew in Tunis, recalled her decision to hide her faith when she came to the United States.
"She did not say anything to her mother-in-law or her family," Mugmon said. He added that Etty Allen's father, Felix Lumbroso, traveled from Tunis for the Allen wedding. "Mr. Felix didn't say anything about it. In silence, he sort of condoned it."....

as the granddaughter of survivors, i was raised with this history as a part of my psyche, and it is a difficult history to carry. i cannot for the life of me imagine what it must be like to realize at fifty years old that people you love were treated such as survivors, whether in europe or north africa, and even worse, having to digest this in front of the entire nation and have it be used for political fodder. jeff hess and i discussed the choices allen's mother made over coffee and i realized i was judging, based on my personal history and i had to remind myself that we all handle trauma differently. i realize, all the judgement on how the senator handles this news, which also must be a traumatic experience, well, it isnt just.....

a Song of the day: this train revised- indigo girls

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

wolves and rollerskates

i am not a big dreamer, i can go months without remembering even one dream, but i am now heading into night after night of night thoughts.

first that dream about mom and jackie, the next night i dreamt i was at the hospital in an elevator with my supervisor, elaine, and some intern (and keep in mind, i am now an employee, but i have also been elaine's intern) and suddenly it skips to the end of the work day and i am in the hospital hallway putting on plaid roller skates when elaine walks up and says i cant believe your putting on rollerskates in the hospital and i say i do everyday and she says i dont know what in my supervision led you to think its ok to roller skate in the hospital
then the next night i dream i am in the bedroom in this really big house surrounded by a hip height wooden fence, and the fence is surrounded by wolves lined up tail to nose on the INSIDE of the fence, which makes me wonder why there is a fence at all.....anyhow, i run fearfully to the living room where there is alot of people and say were surrounded by wolves!! and someone says back stay calm, they can smell fear, you know and suddenly one of the wolves is inside the house and i run back to the bedroom onto the bed and start practicing my yoga breathing...
Song of the day: sandman- metallica

naughty kitty

one of these days neitzch is gonna eat his fish and then he'll be bored and come whining to me, but these are all he gets to play with!!
Song of the day: the cat came back- wally pleasant

Tuesday, September 19, 2006

we are what we fear- the secret prison system

black sites
Canadian Was Falsely Accused, Panel Says
After Tip From Ally, U.S. Sent Muslim to Syria for Questioning
By Doug Struck
Washington Post Foreign Service
Tuesday, September 19, 2006; Page A01

TORONTO, Sept. 18 -- Canadian intelligence officials passed false warnings and bad information to American agents about a Muslim Canadian citizen, after which U.S. authorities secretly whisked him to Syria, where he was tortured, a judicial report found Monday.

The report, released in Ottawa, was the result of a 2 1/2-year inquiry that represented one of the first public investigations into mistakes made as part of the United States' "extraordinary rendition" program, which has secretly spirited suspects to foreign countries for interrogation by often brutal methods.

i cannot believe people are acting like they didnt know this was going on, i mean, bill mahr was talking about these 'black sites' atleast a year and a half ago, so how come people are now like, 'i had no idea!'...and why arent they angrier?
The inquiry, which focused on the Canadian intelligence services, found that agents who were under pressure to find terrorists after the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, falsely labeled an Ottawa computer consultant, Maher Arar, as a dangerous radical. They asked U.S. authorities to put him and his wife, a university economist, on the al-Qaeda "watchlist," without justification, the report said.
Arar was also listed as "an Islamic extremist individual" who was in the Washington area on Sept. 11. The report concluded that he had no involvement in Islamic extremism and was on business in San Diego that day, said the head of the inquiry commission, Ontario Justice Dennis O'Connor.
Arar, now 36, was detained by U.S. authorities as he changed planes in New York on Sept. 26, 2002. He was held for questioning for 12 days, then flown by jet to Jordan and driven to Syria. He was beaten, forced to confess to having trained in Afghanistan -- where he never has been -- and then kept in a coffin-size dungeon for 10 months before he was released, the Canadian inquiry commission found.
O'Connor concluded that "categorically there is no evidence" that Arar did anything wrong or was a security threat.

"This is really the first report in the Western world that has had access to all of the government documents we wanted and saw the practice of extraordinary rendition in full color," he said in an interview from Ottawa. "The ramifications were that an innocent Canadian was tortured, his life was put upside down, and it set him back years and years."

how many innocents has this happened to?
"Today Justice O'Connor has cleared my name and restored my reputation," (arar) said at a news conference. He said the individual Canadian officials should be held accountable: "Justice requires no less." O'Connor said it was beyond his mandate to recommend discipline for any individual.

if a judge cant discipline, then who can?
"He really is a victim of authorities in three governments, as well as being an innocent man," Irwin Cotler, a member of parliament from the Liberal Party, said after the report was issued.
Stockwell Day, the federal government's public safety minister, said the treatment of Arar was "regrettable. We hope, with any future situations, never to see this happen again."

regretable? cant think of a more appropriate word then that? how about criminal? inhumane? infuriating?....
Since Sept. 11, the CIA, working with other intelligence agencies, has captured an estimated 3,000 people in its effort to dismantle terrorist networks. Many of them have been secretly taken by "extraordinary rendition" to other countries, hidden from U.S. legal requirements and often subject to torture.
Those renditions are often carried out by CIA agents dressed head to toe in black, wearing masks, who blindfold their subjects and dress them in black.

ok, cia in black and masks and whisking aawy,, hmmm, sounds just like terrorists who wear black and masks and whisk people away...
The practice is generating increased opposition by other countries; Italy is seeking to prosecute CIA officers who allegedly abducted a Muslim cleric in Milan in February 2003, and German prosecutors are investigating the CIA's activities in their country.

again, why dont we care enough to do this ourselves?
Although details of the renditions and the destinations of those held are secret, President Bush has confirmed the existence of CIA-run prisons throughout the world. Some of the subjects of renditions have been held in those prisons.
O'Connor said Monday that police agents told the Americans that Arar was "suspected of being linked to the al Qaeda movement." The judge concluded: "The RCMP had no basis for this description."

The Mounties also falsely claimed Arar had refused to be interviewed and had "suddenly" left for Tunisia. It listed him as a business associate of another man they called a "Bin Laden associate." Those descriptions were "either completely inaccurate" or overstated his casual connections, O'Connor said in an 822-page, three-volume report.
The RCMP contact, Inspector Michel Cabana, "was under the impression that Mr. Arar would only be detained for a short time," O'Connor's report said. "In his view, Mr. Arar was being held in a country with many of the same values asCanada."

please dont confuse a presidential choice made out of fear created by the bush administration with our nation. THESE ARE NOT OUR VALUES!!!
Arar filed a lawsuit in U.S. federal court, but the case was dismissed by a judge citing "national security" issues. Arar is also seeking compensation from the Canadian government.

Special correspondent Natalia Alexandrova contributed to this report.

Monday, September 18, 2006

another chance to walk: suicide prevention

i was invited to join in on another walk! and this one is unrelated to work. sheila, a nurse i work with has asked me to join her and her friends on saturday september 30th fopr the suicide prevention walk at the cleveland zoo. for anyone else who might be interested, it starts at seven pm, and is free to participate in, though you have to raise &150 for the t-shirt. i believe this is a worthy cause, and that we do need to increase awareness of causes and ways to prevent such desperation

for me, i finally feel like i have matured into a new place at work. to know that my co-workers are ready to include me in their social plans not connected to the hospital. it took two years to get here, and while that seems like a long time, i am sure there are multiple reasons. i mean, i started out as an intern to begin with, and i am on average twenty years junior to most of the other employees (some day, i will talk about the concerns an aging staff bring, as well as the way certain corporate policies will make bringing in a younger crew difficult) etc. etc.., but sheila and i have slowly built a relationship, and i believe that this invite is a sign that more and more co-workers (as there wil be a few others in this walking group) have decided that i am an individual they would like to know better...

Song of the day: eastern pleasures- michelle malone

Sunday, September 17, 2006

a weird dream

my mom, one of her clients and i go out to jackie's so they can have a session, and the next thing i know, i am waking up in the drivers seat of my car and rubbing my eyes to get out the sleep. i get out of the car, still rubbing, rubbing and see mum, the client, jackie and a gaggle of other people heading toward me way off in the distance, yet i can hear jackie say "where is she?" and mum says "asleep in the car". suddenly, jackie hugs me from behind, and then she is gone and all i can think is "typical" then i woke up...

hmm, its weird to sort out the meaning and/or the transference issues (if transference is a part of dreaming) when mum is a professor and a mental health professional and jackie is a professor and a mental health professional and i am seriously considering being a professor and am a mental health professional... why didnt i decide a nice safe avenue for my future... like being a bum...or a lawyer?

song of the day: into the great wide open- tom petty

Saturday, September 16, 2006

shalom gadi

michelle, shu-han, bj, adam (sitting on) matt, john, betsy, brads legs peeking out from behind the tv and gadi giving his good-bye speech

saying goodbye is always tough, but it is also a chance for old friends to get back in touch. ive known gadi now for about six years, and was glad to see so many spirits from over time. now that he has finished his undergrad at case he has decided to move back to israel and has already found work making religious videos in tel aviv. i wish him the best of luck
note: the blurriness was from slow batteries and not from alcohol consumption.
sorry about that guys.

ari and dani

yamit, raphaela, and a woman i did not know

shu-han and bj

...the rest of the pictures were just too blurry...

Song of the day: yesterday- the beatles

Friday, September 15, 2006

summer at shaker lakes

here are my favorite moments from shaker lakes this summer...hope you enjoy
just hanging around

what are you looking at?

unsure squirrell

turtle walk

after the storms


little turtle


egg laying

tangled up in blue


mushroom bouquet

Song of the day:i'll take you with me- melissa etheridge

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

beautiful cleveland

thank you, brad, for giving me this opportunity and for the opportunity to know you

Song of the day: hey kind friend- indigo girls

after a five-year hunt for Osama, (homeland security) has finally brought charges against...

a friend sent me this article and i am passing it on. the top part is the history, the secon part is a plea from the author. i find the way people interweave a number of major events we have been through- 9/11, the iraq war and now hurricane katrina, to confuse and confound the american people. take a read... and let me know what you think...

from: Charged with Journalism in the First Degree
Published by Greg Palast September 11th, 2006 in Articles
September 11, 2006
by Greg Palast

It’s true. It’s weird. It’s nuts. The Department of Homeland Security, after a five-year hunt for Osama, has finally brought charges against… Greg Palast. I kid you not. Send your cakes with files to the Air America wing at Guantanamo.
Though not just yet. Fatherland Security has informed me that television producer Matt Pascarella and I have been charged with unauthorized filming of a “critical national security structure” in Louisiana.
demcracy now part one and two

On August 22nd, for LinkTV and DemocracyNow! we videotaped the thousands of Katrina evacuees still held behind barbed wire in a trailer park encampment a hundred miles from New Orleans. It’s been a year since the hurricane and 73,000 POW’s (Prisoners of W) are still in this aluminum ghetto in the middle of nowhere. One resident Pamela Lewis said, “It is a prison set-up” — except there are no home furloughs for these inmates because they no longer have homes.
To give a sense of the full flavor and smell of the place, we wanted to show that this human parking lot, with kids and elderly, is nearly adjacent to the Exxon Oil refinery, the nation’s second largest, a chemical-belching behemoth.

So we filmed it. Without Big Brother’s authorization. Uh, oh. Apparently, the broadcast of these stinking smokestacks tipped off Osama that, if his assassins pose as poor Black folk, they can get a cramped Airstream right next to a “critical infrastructure” asset.

So now Matt and I have a “criminal complaint” lodged against us with the feds.
After I assured Detective Pananepinto, “I can swear to you that I’m not part of Al Qaeda,” he confirmed that, “Louisiana is still part of the United States,” subject to the First Amendment and he was therefore required to divulge my accuser.
Not surprisingly, it was Exxon Corporation, one of a handful of companies not in love with my investigations. [See “A Well-Designed Disaster: the Untold Story of the Exxon Valdez.”]

So I rang America’s top petroleum pusher-men and asked their media relations honcho in Houston, Marc Boudreaux, a simple question. “Do you want us to go to jail or not? Is it Exxon’s position that reporters should go to jail?” Because, all my dumb-ass jokes aside, that is what’s at stake. And Exxon knew we were journalists because we showed our press credential to the Exxon guards at the refinery entrance.
The Exxon man was coy: “Well, we’ll see what we can find out… Obviously it’s important to national security that we have supplies from that refinery in the event of an emergency.”

Really? According to the documents our team uncovered from the offices of Exxon’s lawyer, Mr. James Baker, the oil industry is more than happy to see a limit on worldwide crude production. Indeed, the current squeeze has jacked the price of oil from $24 a barrel to $64 and refined products have jumped yet higher — resulting in a record-busting profit for Exxon of nearly $1 billion per week.

So this silly “criminal complaint” has nothing to do with stopping Al Qaeda or keeping the oil flowing. It has everything to do with obstructing news reports in a way that no one would have dared attempt before the September 11 attack.

Dectective Pananepinto, in justifying our impending bust, said, “If you remember, a lot of people were killed on 9/11.”

Yes, Detective, I remember that very well: my office was in the World Trade Center. Lucky for me, I was out of town that day. It was not a lucky day for 3,000 others.

Yes, I remember “a lot” of people were killed. So I have this suggestion, Detective — and you can pass it on to Mr. Bush: Go and find the people who killed them.

It’s been five years and the Bush regime has not done that. Instead, the War on Terror is reduced to taking off our shoes in airports, hoping we can bomb Muslims into loving America and chasing journalists around the bayou. Meanwhile, King Abdullah, the Gambino of oil, whose princelings funded the murderers, gets a free ride in the President’s golf cart at the Crawford ranch.

I guess I shouldn’t complain. After all, Matt and I look pretty good in orange.


this next section includes ways you can make a difference for these reporters in the short term, but in my opinion, it really will make a difference in our freedoms in the long run...
A personal request to readers. Many have written to ask what can be done to protect Matt and me from becoming unwilling guests of the State.

First, this ain’t no foolin’ around: Matt and I are facing these nutty charges. So spread the info. We believe that getting the word out is the best defense.

Second, call Homeland Security and turn us in. They seem to have trouble finding us. If you get a reward, you may choose to donate it to the Palast Investigative Fund, a 501(c)(3) educational foundation which supports our work and pays our legal fees.

Third, ask your local library to order our book, Armed Madhouse: Who’s Afraid of Osama Wolf? Homeland Security now reserves the right to read over your shoulder at the library; therefore, the more our agents are forced to read this subversive material, the more likely we can convince them to come in out of the cold. All kidding aside, we do ask you to request your library order the book: not everyone can afford to purchase this hardbound edition.

Our thanks to Amy Goodman at Democracy Now! and the folks at LinkTV for broadcasting our report from New Orleans and the Exxon refinery. And to Gil Nobel, host of ABC Television’s Like It Is, our Courage in Journalism award for broadcasting our report on his network’s New York affiliate. Catch Gil on WABC every Sunday at noon.

In response to a deluge of requests for a copy of the New Orleans documentary, we are preparing a DVD which you may order right now at .

Spread the Word:

Song of the day:

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

daily intentions?

sitting in a ceu, the class went to intentions ('hmmm,. dont these things keep popping up?' i think) and whispering beneath the professor (who was once my mom's professor) kirstie says to me "yeah, you sure have been struggling with that, huh? have you tried keeping a daily intention list?"

'A WHAT!' i think; "a what?" i say... it was a pretty easy concept, just write down my intentions for the day, and if i feel lost in a moment whip out my list and take a look...ofcourse, kirstie did not have an example in her back pocket (though she did last friday)

i wonder if she will grade my attempts on here for me (just kidding...kind of)

Song of the day: she-bop- cyndi lauper

Monday, September 11, 2006

different strokes: cleveland's special needs playground

a playground for children with their own needs has appeared in beachwood. my friend erin had a child on aug. 18th and after quite a scare, started up a blog so family and friends can keep up with little devins progress. today she shared that she and her family went out to preston's hope to spend quality family time together.

thank you erin, for sharing this treasure, and kudos to preston's family, the mandel jcc, and the city of beachwood for creating this fun and needed haven for all kids, and not just the "normal" ones...afterall, everyone needs the opportunity to play sometimes!

Song of the day: (you gotta) fight for your right (to party)- beastie boys

Saturday, September 09, 2006

bloggerbeta is forgiven

only two hours after posting my anger, my pictures are working fine... synchronicity or good workmanship? any thoughts?

bloggerbeta is making me mad!!

i cant get pictures to upload, it wont allow me to comment on blogger blogs that havent upgraded to beta yet, and i cant find a way to get in touch with the administration. it is making blogging unfun and i am getting close to switching servers

Friday, September 08, 2006

why i love playhouse square and recommend spam-a-lot

i received an email today from playhouse square, telling me they liked my blog and asking me to advertize their upcoming prduction of spam-a-lot. i want to do exactly that. this is not only because i support playhouse square and believe that their productions are top rate, but becasuie of this string of communications:

Hey Molly,

We are fans of your blog and we wanted to pass along this info to you about a fun contest that we are having for Spamalot. It's coming to Playhouse Square in October and we want to get the word our about the contest.

Here's the link to the info and the funny commerical:

If you can help us spread the word..that'd be great!

John Sammon
Online Marketing Coordinator
Playhouse Square Center
1501 Euclid Ave, Suite 200
Cleveland, Ohio 44115-2197
(216) 771-4444 Ext 3231

hi john,
i have to say, i dont really like this. i dont know i believe you are a fan of my blog. more likely you did a search for blogs in cleveland and have sent this email to all. i could be wrong though. i have worked for cleveland opera's subscription drive many times,my family belonged to the broadway series when i was young and i consider myself a part of the communty of playhouse square, and this kind of turns me off. i hate to ask you to "prove it", but find a way to help me understand how you found me, or what it is you like, and i might very well consider passing you on, but otherwise, please dont "spam"
me again, even for spam-a-lot

peace, love and honest,
molly katherine


I apologize for the email. It was poorly phrased and I regretted sending it after I thought about. You are correct. I did find you through Please accept my apologies for the email.

I truely hope that this does not turn you off from the Playhouse
Square Community.


i appreciate your honesty and timely response.
it will not keep me from future involvement with playhouse square.

peace, love and the link you sent didnt work anyhow,
molly katherine

thank you, john, you have truly acted with respect for yourself, your employer and me, and i am happy to encourage people to apply for your contest

Song of the day:

NAMI walks while molly works

sadness, sadness, i went to hand in my team paperwork on wednesday and mary jo, the other social worker, says to me "but youre working that saturday." and she is absolutely right...i guess im the one left watching the hen house (with nurse barb)while everyone else enjoys...but sheila said she would wear a picture of me pinned to her shirt so i will be there in spirit as well as in my head

Song of the day:

Wednesday, September 06, 2006

a changed relationship- spending time with robin

i drove out to my friend robin's last night, as she cant really come to me at all (she has a four year old and a three month old). we have decided to try and walk together a couple times a week if at all possible, and since she had felt mad all day, and i was highly restless after having stayed intentional all day (both at work and at home), tonight seemed to be a good night to do it.

as i waited, she finished feeding luke, and we had a very interesting conversation. the last time we were together she had mentioned how she was afraid of the phone as a kid, and i had voiced my surprise at this as she (like me) is a very talkative person, and she said to me this time "please dont put me on a pedestal". and i honestly said i wasnt.

but i also understand her concern. robin was a camp counselor of mine, one who as a child i looked up to, one i told some important, private information too, one whom i would give feet rubs to because her attention was so welcomed (plus i like to be kind to feet, a very overused and underrated body part). we have been in touch on and off since our camp wise days, but i spent years disbelieving that this counselor whom i loved would want to be friends with me so that i could never get comfortable.... its amazing the distrust and damage an on again off again father can cause...

now, i am grateful to have our herstory, but it no longer defines who i am in knowing her. i know it is possible for me to change in a relationship.

Song of the day: all my lifes a circle- harry chapin

Monday, September 04, 2006

new orleans or baghdad?

"Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed."
-President Dwight D. Eisenhower
April 16, 1953

i saw spike lee's documentary "when the levees fell: a requiem in four parts" this weekend, and it is a film that should be distributed from every library, not limited to those who can afford hbo. each section of the film addresses an aspect of the hurricane's process, starting on august 26, 2005- the day the evacuation was ordered, moving through the damage of the following week up to the discouragement set toward those of lower income who should only move back to the city "at their own risk" a full six months after the storm left. there are a few points that were made that i would like to discuss here, though for lack of enough time in one sitting, i will make a list of bullet points now, and address each point in its own post at some point.

1. the hurricane did not actually hit new orleans. the flooding was caused by a series of mistakes made by the us army core of engineers
2. the damages in new orleans: Estimates for damages for Hurricane Katrina are still extremely preliminary and properly assessing losses will take many months. However, the total losses as a result of Katrina is estimated to exceed $100 billion with over $34 billion in insured loss- what really gets me about this is that iraq spending is set to reach $318.5 billion September 30, 2006, the end of fiscal year 2006. The Cost of Iraq War calculator is occasionally reset based on new information and new allocations of funding. The numbers include military and non-military spending, such as reconstruction. Spending only includes incremental costs, additional funds that are expended due to the war. For example, soldiers' regular pay is not included, but combat pay is included. Potential future costs, such as future medical care for soldiers and veterans wounded in the war, are not included. It is also not clear whether the current funding will cover all military wear and tear. It also does not account for the Iraq War being deficit-financed and that taxpayers will need to make additional interest payments on the national debt due to those deficits.
3. industry wants to buy land in the lower ninth ward and have tried to dissuade homeowners from coming back- these lands are owned by african-american residents- this would in effect turn new orleans into an elitist, white town.
....there may be more, i just am out of time right now

upgrading to beta

in the process of upgrading to bloggerbeta, so you will see alot of half-changes for the next week or so...

Song of the day: dear god-xtc

changing habits


(i will do my best to have intention and not ramble-just for you robin)

i have been twisting around with the idea of intention still, and throwing in a bit of mindfulness, as i am beginning to think they go hand in hand (are you thinking 'duh!') i spent the early part of this year (into may even) rather ill, and i always loose my balance when i am sick. my house was wrecked for months, my diet and exercise plummeted (there is something miserable about numbing out in the arms and spine from just walking and i HATE swimming)and i gained 20 pounds (though i have lost eight since may)

so i did my heavy-duty fall cleaning this past week\- a first step toward healthy living(as i am working alot over the next month)and am now trying to by mindful of keeping it clean. i find myself wanting to approach everything with an outcome in mind, and attention to what is occuring in the moment and it is so hard!!!!

sticking with the cleaning example, i want to listen to music when i clean, even though i keep thinking about this marvelous poem about doing dishes, the attention to water and bubbles on the skin, the smoothness of dishware, the smell of a sponge that is ready to be tossed, even though i think about jackie staying inside and doing lunch dishes with the sound of playing guests seeping through the screen door (hmmm, whats with the dish thing?), still i end up getting lost in notes and lyrics, cadence and feeling and cleaning takes two hours instead of 25 minutes.i guess this will be one of my struggles, but it is moving me forward.

Song of the day: day is done- nick drake

thinking about the state of labor on labor day

over at, there is a string concerning the right of americans to be able to choose where they shop, and the value of american workers. i was surprised to see that one reader wrote in that the blog leaders were against freedom, saying that they supported government policies that take away the right of businesses to conduct as they wish and the right of shoppers to shop where they want.

i remember reading "the jungle" by upton sinclair, and i know that by giving the american people a true sense of what was occuring in meat packing factories, people began to understand the need for regulation of businesses (and not just for meat, though i honestly didnt want to ever eat meat again after reading it). jeff hess and i were discussing the book, and i commented on how it had a strong effect on the labor movement and jeff said no, only on business regulation.
but within the book, you follow the main charicter and his family through the struggle of lower class immigrant americans, you see that they worked when they were sick (again, extra gross in a food setting), they worked pregnant, the old worked, they lived up to a dozen people in a crowded flat, they worked 16 and 18 hour days for pittances. the main charicter was also influenced by the socialist movement. i believe this affected labor laws as well

today is the day of the worker, and yet im sitting in my coffee shop where there are two people working the bar, and i am sure fast food and walmart/target and most other bar/grill/restaurants and even borders are all up and running. this means that the people who the day was meant for have to work right through it so that professionals (myself included-they dont have social workers on holidays) and ceos etc. can have (yet another) day to spend with their families...

Album of the day: fellow workers- ani difranco and utah phillips
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