Wednesday, September 06, 2006

a changed relationship- spending time with robin

i drove out to my friend robin's last night, as she cant really come to me at all (she has a four year old and a three month old). we have decided to try and walk together a couple times a week if at all possible, and since she had felt mad all day, and i was highly restless after having stayed intentional all day (both at work and at home), tonight seemed to be a good night to do it.

as i waited, she finished feeding luke, and we had a very interesting conversation. the last time we were together she had mentioned how she was afraid of the phone as a kid, and i had voiced my surprise at this as she (like me) is a very talkative person, and she said to me this time "please dont put me on a pedestal". and i honestly said i wasnt.

but i also understand her concern. robin was a camp counselor of mine, one who as a child i looked up to, one i told some important, private information too, one whom i would give feet rubs to because her attention was so welcomed (plus i like to be kind to feet, a very overused and underrated body part). we have been in touch on and off since our camp wise days, but i spent years disbelieving that this counselor whom i loved would want to be friends with me so that i could never get comfortable.... its amazing the distrust and damage an on again off again father can cause...

now, i am grateful to have our herstory, but it no longer defines who i am in knowing her. i know it is possible for me to change in a relationship.

Song of the day: all my lifes a circle- harry chapin


Anonymous said...

Camp was the way we met, but we would have met if it wasn't for camp as well. You are just supposed to know some people. It doesn't define our friendship, just sparked its existence.

Just so you know, I don't think of you as that kid from camp. You are her, but you aren't her.

Oh - and did I mention that I always accepted your foot rubs because I am a massage whore? Yup, just ask Dave. From anyone, anytime, anywhere.

Relax with the intention and needing a higher purpose. Sometimes things just come to you without trying so hard.

molly said...

yes i know i am more, just as you are more, then camp. i am aware my weight and distrust are what made me disbelieve our changes (camp counselors have to care about you, friends choose to care about you though), and i know you love massages...

as for my intentional, i am just learning, and a big part of how i learn is to act out what i am trying to integrate (by the way, there was a report on npr that is encouraging this type of learning over studying now)... or maybe i want to instead ask "what do you mean about relaxing in my intention and higher purpose?"

Anonymous said...

"Relaxing your intention and higher purpose"

Not that you are, but just don't try too hard to be intentional. Let it flow and happen, and then it will happen and it won't make you tired or anxious or crazy (or whatever way you felt walking the other night).

molly said...

i get restless. like in the cleaning case, my intention is to feel healthy again, and so i am being mindful to keep my house clean (reduces depression) and when ever i thinkto just throw clothes onto the floor instead of hanging them up, i think "be intetnional"... but then i am restless...dont know why, but i am,.

Anonymous said...

I Love that Harry Chapin song. At the rock climbing event there was a havdalah service and I kept thinking about the Camp's havdalahs. Boy did I love those.

molly said...

i have it on you have a cd player in your car or anything? i have been thinking about making you a mix, but i wasnt sure how you would listen

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