i am short on social graces. i dont pick up on hints real well, and i do best when people are just straight forward with me, and i dont waste alot of time trying to make out what the other person is trying to tell me.
in some ways, that keeps things real clear. it is real simple to get what you want from me, just say it, and chances are you can have it...well, thats an exaggeration, but just say it and you will at least know for sure if you can have it or not, because i am direct right back.
i believe too much time is spent on hinting and alluding in the name of politeness or not offending or whatever the reasoning is, and it goes right over my head (i can be so concrete and it can take me weeks to have a conversation that someone else will have in five minutes).... i have theories on why this is (the high amount of scar tissue on my myelin with no visible understanding as to what was damaged being my number one conclusion). somehow, i feel like being direct is considered rude in our society, but one can be direct without being meant as rude- of course, that does not guarantee that the listener wont take it as such... so really then, doesnt the outcome of directness lie more with the listener then the speaker? alluding or hinting, however, is fully the responsibility of the speaker, as the words we use (speaker) and our responses to the others words (listener) are the only things we can control in a conversation.
i know, at least for me, my INTENTION is not to hurt or create boundries with directness, but to have no doubt on what is being said.... a friend of mine invited me to a bbq at her house this weekend, only she did not put her address in the invite and instead of just asking for her address, i alluded that i needed it, and her next email did not contain her address, so i wrote another one alluding, and i got no response.... so now, a confusion has been created in our relationship- which is still very new- and will add a level of awkwardness for awhile that had not been there before because i ended up coming across as insecure in my third email and she replied by saying she had meant no pressure and telling me it would be ok if i couldnt make it.... its all been worked out now, but how silly! right?
Song of the day: conversation- joni mitchell
4 comments:
So if you do better direct then with allusions - why weren't you just direct? Ah well....Just like my mom alluded to me being invited to Rosh Hashanah dinner. If I had just let that conversation drop I wouldn't have had that horrible time Friday night. In that instance, direct was too much for me. (R)
i didnt realy think about being direct...i think what i wrote was something like "i would love to come but i dont know where you live...". i didnt mean to allude, but my friends native language is not english so...
That seems direct to me. Hmmmm.
well, like i said, not a native enlish speaker, or she saw the word "but" and thought it was a turn down or she just has alot going on...it would have been better if i had just said "what is your address"...
Post a Comment