Sunday, April 30, 2006

bras across america?

ok, so its not in america, but i keep thinking about hands across america when i read this story... it has a purpose that is as important.

powell speaks, rice forgets

so colin powell has re-entered the iraq discussion, saying on a british show that he verbalized his concerns BEFORE the war began that more troops were needed. now, as the insurgency continues and the quagmire (as it truly is) deepens, all condoleeza rice can say is something like "i dont really know what mr. powell is talking about, but i am sure that what he had to say was considered if it was important," ? i think the way this administration uses forgetfulness and denial to continue on as if they had no idea iraq would become this mess is actually rather, dick, rummy...guys, we know so get over it already and fix this mess!

read the story

Song of the day:

Friday, April 28, 2006

turtle watching

i have taken to spending time almost every day up at shaker lakes just turtle watching. it was about two weeks ago that after a mildly intense walk with hand weights i found a rounded patch of dry grass to sit on by the northwest corner of one of the lakes. i saw a large turtle shell sticking out of the water and a tiny little turtle sitting on the shell. i then noticed that some of the deadish leaves laying stagnant in the mucky bank sod were actually turtles. i began to check this turtle nest daily and by day three i was convinced that the large shell hadnt moved even an inch... this past tuesday, i saw the shell had begun to decompose, and now it is gone.

i also discovered a new path on the north side of the lake that took me right down to the water's edge, and except for a rancid whiff every now and then i felt really relaxed. as i walked this path, i heard a splash here and there and became more attentive to the things around me. there were many dead branches that had fallen strategically into the lake, and often there were turtles, little and big, lined up on the branches. i suppose these were the brave ones, and the splashes the fearful turtles.

the turtle is a totem, a protector, of mine. i kind of chose it for myself after i was diagnosed with ms. i just wanted to crawl into bed (shell) and hide. i had turtles tatooed on my wrist even. but about a year and a half ago, it was early fall, i was driving by this same lake and saw an older gentlemen with a gaggle of children behind him confronting a turtle that was nearly the height of his knee on the side of the road. then i saw the same turtle trying to cross north park and i pulled over and got out of my car to try and move him back to the grass, and a jogger approached me and told me not to touch it, it was a snapping turtle. on the way home, the road was littered with bits of shell and turtle flesh. i thought it meant it was time to get a new totem (it was a very powerful image, especially considering i turned away from protecting the animal, as was my first instinct). i have been waiting for a new one to come along, and i've apparently been handed the same protector. Turns out the turtle means much more then a shell to hide in....

Song of the day: soul sacrifice- santana

Wednesday, April 26, 2006


Packing; a strand of hair
-dark, semetic, curl-
his hair floats down from the shaking
burlap, mexican blanket,
the curtains from behind the bed.
Stop packing. Evaluate.
It is right that he is gone, so why wet cheeks?
It's only remembering.

Song of the day:rubber soul album- beatles

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

ms walk

the ms walk is this saturday. i have been a team captain now for two years. many people in my life, when they find out i have a walking team every year, ask me to keep them informed because they would like to walk with me.

ofcourse, none of them do, always too busy...and people also never have money to sponser me.... but my friend tonya is walking with me again this year. my friend robin, who is about 31 weeks pregnant, is also walking with me this year, and her friend emily, whom i have never met, but whom i appreciate for her commitment to this walk is also joining us.

the walk starts at nine am behind tower city amphetheater. my team's name is after enlightenment (tonya said 'thank god were not the basket cases again- last year, all team members were mental health students at case- )and anyone who would like to participate is welcome to come....hope for good weather for me please, last year it was snowing and i was a crabby bitch....

Song of the day: I'm gonna be (500 miles)- crash test dummies

Monday, April 24, 2006

we live in a bubble!

the article is actually about how much more energy efficient it would be to live in a black hole, but the whole concept of living in a bubble is just surreal.

Black Holes are Actually Green
Ker Than
Staff Writer Mon Apr 24, 3:00 PM ET

...Space bubbles

Most of the energy in the jets is being emitted as radio waves, but in at least one of the black holes studied, the energy was in the form of more energetic X-rays.

"The energy in these jets is absolutely huge, about a trillion trillion trillion watts," Allen said.

As they race outwards from their parent black holes at nearly light speed, the jets carve out enormous cavities, or "bubbles," in the surrounding gas environment; some of these bubbles can be tens of thousands of light years across.

Bubbles can also form in the aftermath of stellar explosions called supernovas; our own solar system is enveloped by such a structure, called the "Local Bubble," which was formed during an explosion long ago.

The researchers used these bubbles to figure out the fuel efficiency of the black holes. Using Chandra images, they first calculated how much fuel in the form of gas was available to each black hole. They then estimated the power required to produce the bubbles that were observed.

the boy from the coffee house

when i first posted this, i did what i could remember, but this is the actual final version. spaghetti is a follow up to thjis one....

I kiss you
because I can
because of your permanent
a strange quality
for a happy hippy child glancing

my way, you say:
'I want to make love to you'.
I blush and look away,
unsure I love you enough.
I run my hand over your face,
stubbly and harsh against
my fingers
exploring a man's skin for the first

time, my head is stuck in Joni
Mitchell, it's the same
as the last woman you cared for.

You hand me a cigarette, laughing
when i reach for it,
when i reach for the lighter strung
through your belt loop you call me
a little gentleman
which is what i am, a lady
killer with my sweetness
and you say: 'I am glad we are intimate
friends on this ride.' I smile,

knowing safety
joins at the lips and you smile back.
You do a little dance with your arm
wrapped around my waist and take a sip of coffee
while I walk alone to my car.

Song of the day: you turn me on, i'm a radio- joni mitchell


I look at you with cold
eyes, enjoying the attention
you pay to the noodles,
your special sauce,
I'm not interested in you.
The green linoleum is covered in coffee
grinds, grainy on my bare feet
and it bothers me.

You made the same meal
last week, the poor man's food.
You had me stop at the market,
pick up Caraway seeds,
which you now add to the meat
in your carefully imprecise manner.
I can already feel them sticking
between my teeth and i wish
i had said I couldn't make it.

I'm always afraid
the meat could be tainted. Mad Cow,
Hoof and Mouth, the cattle might be shipped
all the way from Europe
(I'm soo neurotic).
I watch you scrub
pots and pans, anti-bacterial
soapy between your palms...
maybe it's only your meat I find rotten.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

words of the father

....just doing a little history research. i dont much remember what really happened in the first gulf war, i just remember being in middle school music class, and kids talking about how people are dying, but most of us were just spouting what our parents were saying (including me). later on in my life, i befriended a few vets. my friend don fought in the war, his unit refused to take vaccines, none became sick. my friend danial worked in the morgue, and says she suffers certain problems from the gulf war syndrome. i know that we had bombed baghdad steadily in the 12 years between war one and two....

the first gulf war, it never really ended, did it? it was more like taking a nice, long, ambien induced nap...

'New world order'
President Bush's speech to Congress
March 6, 1991 (extracts). This speech has often been cited as the US administration’s principal policy statement on the new order in the Middle East following the expulsion of Iraqi forces from Kuwait.

... Tonight I come to this House to speak about the world – the world after war.

The recent challenge could not have been clearer. Saddam Hussein was the villain, Kuwait the victim. To the aid of this small country came nations from North America and Europe, from Asia and South America, from Africa and the Arab world, all united against aggression.

Our uncommon coalition must now work in common purpose to forge a future that should never again be held hostage to the darker side of human nature.

Tonight in Iraq, Saddam walks amidst ruin. His war machine is crushed. His ability to threaten mass destruction is itself destroyed. His people have been lied to, denied the truth. And when his defeated legions come home, all Iraqis will see and feel the havoc he has wrought. And this I promise you: for all that Saddam has done to his own people, to the Kuwaitis, and to the entire world, Saddam and those around him are accountable....Our commitment to peace in the Middle East does not end with the liberation of Kuwait.....

we must work together to create shared security arrangements in the region. Our friends and allies in the Middle East recognise that they will bear the bulk of the responsibility for regional security. But we want them to know that just as we stood with them to repel aggression, so now America stands ready to work with them to secure the peace.

This does not mean stationing US ground forces on the Arabian Peninsula, but it does mean American participation in joint exercises involving both air and ground forces. It means maintaining a capable US naval presence in the region, just as we have for over 40 years. Let it be clear: our vital national interests depend on a stable and secure Gulf....

But we cannot lead a new world abroad if, at home, it’s politics as usual on American defense and diplomacy. It’s time to turn away from the temptation to protect unneeded weapons systems and obsolete bases. It’s time to put an end to micro-management of foreign and security assistance programs, micro-management that humiliates our friends and allies and hamstrings our diplomacy. It’s time to rise above the parochial and the pork barrel, to do what is necessary, what’s right and what will enable this nation to play the leadership role required of us.....

Now, we can see a new world coming into view. A world in which there is the very real prospect of a new world order. In the words of Winston Churchill, a "world order" in which "the principles of justice and fair play ... protect the weak against the strong ..." A world where the United Nations, freed from cold war stalemate, is poised to fulfil the historic vision of its founders. A world in which freedom and respect for human rights find a home among all nations.

The Gulf war put this new world to its first test, and, my fellow Americans, we passed that test.

Song of the day: for what its worth-buffalo springfield

Saturday, April 22, 2006

the long absence

too much in my head still, but i am going to do my best to get back to blogging

one thing, i find that i an very easily frustrated right now, and trying to post links is impossible, and when i am feeling political, which i have been, links are absolutely neccesarry....anyone know hjow to post a link on blogger? the type of link that can be cllicked on and takes you to which ever article the post is on?

Monday, April 10, 2006


very rarely do i think in terms of intention. i know that my intentions are usually the best of intentions, and at work, i am very intentional in my design and intervention, but mostly, i trip through my life with very few plans (less to be disappointed by i guess), and i would even say i have been known to scurry away from intention with fervor (lest i get trapped or tricked into something)...

in this day and age, intention is rare i think. i never had a father waiting to meet my dates (thank you for this image jeff), ready to say "and what are your intentions toward my daughter, young man/lady (that would be a pretty progressive dad, huh?). the closest to intentional relating i've ever gotten is having a condom in my wallet. and intention in friendship, NO WAY! it was always just an instant, non spoken, intense thing (though they tend to fizzle out) or to play it cool, you know, and see where it heads, and then maybe after a year of casual encounter, you begin to talk in terms of longer term friendship, and what you owe each other as you become more familiar ( as my friend tonya and i have done) and certainly, since i am dealing with chronic illness, at some point i become interested in what the limits and bouindaries are-can i depend on a person to still interact with me in times of illness and challenge (make that added effort, coming to me (literally meant) instead of meeting halfway kind of thing), which is a type of intention i guess.

i dont know if it is a generational issue, or just an individual thing, looking for a person's intention toward something, but it is an interesting feeling to have someone ask about your intentions towards them (though the word was never used, i could feel it), as someone did to me last week. at first i was confused, then i thought i had to be misunderstanding, then i remembered that somewhere, sometime, i was introduced to the idea of building intentional relationships. (and yes i know it was you, i just dont remember where and in what context)

i don't think i understood what that meant when i first heard of it, but my sense is getting stronger. maybe having intention creates an honest interaction. maybe it's based on insecurities, but i think it is something i will consider for awhile, and see how it could play out in my life.

....and what are your intentions?

Saturday, April 08, 2006

toward the within

so i keep wanting to post but i feel a little stuck.

my intention in starting a blog was never to journal in public, but somewhere along the line, i seem to have taken a swing inward that is taking me deeper then i have gone in a few years. i feel like this is a certain step in my transition from student to professional, and i am not sure that i can see around my own fog enough to talk about anything besides myself.

having to focus on how i can best use my energy, struggling to change the nature of some relationships i have, trying to think what i want to do different with my free time, understanding what is me and what i have used to hide do you share this stuff? i am not even sure i would want to. anyone else been here before?

Song of the day: remedy-jason something of other

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

full of love

no longer sick (almost), and full of love.i apologize for my absence.

i want to give all you consistant bloggers kudos for being able to keep with it. i didnt realize how difficult this wouid be sometimes.

my voice will be back tomorrow
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