Tuesday, February 27, 2007

how i know republicans are against the working man...


from yahoo news:
Labor language threatens antiterror bill
By LAURIE KELLMAN, Associated Press Writer
15 minutes ago

WASHINGTON - President Bush and his Senate allies will kill a Sept. 11 antiterror bill if Congress sends it to the White House with a provision to let airport screeners unionize, the White House and 36 Republicans said Tuesday.

"As the legislation currently stands, the president's senior advisers would recommend that he veto the bill," said White House spokesman Scott Stanzel.
Senate Republicans swiftly backed up the threat with a pledge by more than enough senators to block any veto override attempt.


the reasoning behind this? republicans believe, with the support of dick cheney, that unionization will impede the ability to "quickly respond to possible threats"...

am i the only one who sees the irony in this statement? was it unionization that caused the response to katrina? is it unionization that caused the war situations? NO NO NO...aand i have to say, terrorism didnt cause the response to either of these situations either, our own government caused both...

unionization keeps the richest of the rich from getting even richer because they are forced into providing decent wages for decent work....

and so the republicans bought the nation through religion and tax cuts....there is more to life than that

Song of the day: fortunate son-creedence clearwater revival

Monday, February 26, 2007

some office angles

my desk

the view
the other social workers name plate (to many papers on the desk, confidentiality issues
Song of the day: gotta serve somebody- bob dylan

premature wake-up


one thing about stress for me is i tend to wake up in the middle of the night and then am unable to fall back asleep....its not due to thinking, i know how to meditate, just count slowly, whether just nmbers or sleep, and it does empty the mind, but still i am awake...

i dreamt i was a bear last night, growly and grumpy (which i am at this point)....and i keep looking for something that will reduce the stress...but friends like to tell you not to stress out, its like no one can just say "yeah man, starting a new job kinda sucks (well, thats exactly what my friend tonya said, but we never see eachother, its all phone contact so its not quite the same....)

then i dreamt i was trapped ina cave and it was filling up with water and there was this small hole at the top that looked blocked by knarly, twisty roots or earth and when i got to it, the knarls fell apart but ther ewere jail cell bars above it...but atleast my head was above water

...all this and still awake for good by 4:30...

Song of the day: sandman- metallica

Sunday, February 25, 2007

quote of the day: addressing the welfare state


from yahoo news:
Welfare state growing despite overhauls By STEPHEN OHLEMACHER, Associated Press Writer

...."If the goal of welfare reform was to get people off the welfare rolls, bravo," said Vivyan Adair, a former welfare recipient who is now an assistant professor of women's studies at Hamilton College in upstate New York. "If the goal was to reduce poverty and give people economic and job stability, it was not a success."....

never, never, forget


to believe in god is one thing, but this major turn to evangelical christianity is something i considwer dangerous...as a jew, i have always been aware that the more jesus talk there was, the less safe i felt, the less welcome i was to be myself...many christians think i am over reacting, but this is a perfect example of what too much adherence to religion can lead to
from yahoo news:
Principal deems Jesus chant offensive Sat Feb 24, 3:18 PM ET

VIRGINIA BEACH, Va. - A Catholic school principal has organized sensitivity training for students who shouted "We love Jesus" during a basketball game against a school with Jewish students. The word "Jew" also was painted on a gym wall behind the seats of Bishop Sullivan Catholic High School students attending the Feb. 2 game at Norfolk Academy, said Dennis W. Price, principal of the Virginia Beach school.

Price who also watched the game, said the rivals exchanged chants, "Then, at some point, our students were chanting, 'We love Jesus.'"

"It was obviously in reference to the Jewish population of Norfolk Academy; that's the only way you can take that," he added.

Price said he sent a letter of apology to Norfolk. Dennis G. Manning, the academy's headmaster, declined to comment. Several Sullivan students met with Norfolk Academy's cultural diversity club Thursday as part of a series of events aimed at promoting tolerance, Price said.

He has arranged for the Virginia Conference for Community and Justice and the United Jewish Federation of Tidewater to work with students. A message left for the United Jewish Federation of Tidewater was not immediately returned Saturday. Price also has consulted the Anti-Defamation League, a national group that fights anti-Semitism.

"It is important that we work harder at having students leaving here who are tolerant and understand how serious these kinds of things are," said Price, who said diversity training will be incorporated permanently at Sullivan.

...its a slippery, slippery slope

Song of the day: im tirtzu- debbie friedman
"if you will it, itts not a dream"

Friday, February 23, 2007

Monday, February 19, 2007

"if its an apple for the teacher"


"if its an apple for the teacher" said my friend robin last night "then its an orange for the social worker"....how wonderful is that!?

too bad this orange will most likely go bad before i actually see my desk- its all orientation this week, i think, and i have to go to all these different buidings, from lander road and chagrin-that was today- to 118th and buckeye tomorrow and mercantile in beachwood wednesday...and maybe, maybe thursday i'll actually get to see my school.

Song of the day: tubular bells- mike oldfield

cleveland, iran...whats the difference


from the plain dealer
Cleveland: Whaddya mean we're not gay-friendly?
Sunday, February 18, 2007

According to the PlanetOut Travel Awards, Ohio ranks at the very bottom of the list of gay travel destinations, right along with Iran and Uganda. (And those places have better weather.)


pretty sad that we are on the same list as two countries with major human rights issues...i did an image search for "iran, gay" and i dont know what i expected to find but what came up was photo after photo of the execution of two gay teens that were caught....

i wonder how it feels, ohio, to have legislation in place that is a first step toward a similar outcome...and i am not exaggerating, what starts as a "marriage ban" can slip into jail time and then toward a capitol offense if religion is allowed to rule the government, whether the religion is islam or christianity...or judiasm for that matter (as israel has similar issues between the religious and the gay community as everyplace else does)....

Song of the day: love's recovery- indigo girls

Saturday, February 17, 2007

i dont believe in winter coats

not even on days like this would i want to wear a coat
instead i just layer
here i am wearing:two pairs of pants, a dress, four sweaters, two sweatshirts, a shawl, and two scarves....seems like a coat would be a lot easier...eh?

Song of the day: chrome plated heart- melissa etheridge

Friday, February 16, 2007

MS walk: after enlightenment 2006


after enlightenment 2007?

Song of the day: (i would walk) 500 miles-the proclaimers

Thursday, February 15, 2007

new employment, anxiety and absence


i need to write- my mother called to say my grandmother is in the hospital again, they think shes bleeding inside, and i knew i needed to write my anxiety, i cant afford it to get any larger then it already is.

my absence is due to my current anxiety, which just grows larger and larger as i near my first day of work...which is monday.

im bored, im ready to have things to DO, not hanging out with friends, pointlessly and such, not journaling, but making a difference.

but the way my anxiety has been climbing oiver the past week- i WANT CONTROL OF SOMETHING, anything, but there is nothing to have control over. im trying to zen it but...

i woke up at four thirty this morning, thinking about all the things i CANT control; the weather, other people, car alarms (mine doesnt have one)- i forced myself to breathe in, breahte out- i started thinking about what i could control- i left a note on the car in the space next to mine asking her to be more concious of parking closer to her wall (its a tight double-spot and she takes up alot of space because she parks close to a foot from her wall), i tried to eat healthier, i made a phone call that needed to be made, etc.

...sorry for my absence, i think it might last lonbger, and i have this sneaky suspicion that i will have my period by my first day at my new job on monday-but atleast its only orientation

Song of the day:silence-i so hate it

Monday, February 12, 2007

dream: gestalting cockroaches


dream: at the gestalt institute. the building is much rickitier then in reality, and we sleep there instead of going home fort the night. all the participants are around my age (in reality, there is a span of 26 through late sixties or early seventies, the majority in their mid-fourties through late fifties). i have a roommate named shelly.

then we are walking around, looking for groups and there is a man who i thought was israeli-or maybe arabic (dark loosly culed hair to his shoulders, darker skin, thin in a tee-shirt), and he is teaching us certain things in my room and i have to say to him "wow, your methods are very different then our methods here!" and he says "they have to be, i flew for air puma!!"

then it is just me and the israeli/arabic guy in the bedroom, and there are suddenly cockroaches climbing on the walls, and i said to him "oh, please dont tell shelly about this" as i klnew it would upset her, and i started to leave the room and turned and said "you know, never mind, do what ever is true for you" and left the room...

i could hear someone yelling from far off and i went looking for the yelling, people were everywhere and so were the cockroaches. i was barefoot and stepped on one, aand it got stuck betweeen my pinky and second toe, and i thought 'go find paper towels and get it fully off outside" so i went into the kitchen (which was actually the kitchen in the family house i sold in 2003), grabbed some paper towels and went out onto the porch (which was also the porch from this house), passing two other squashed roches on the ground and the screaming girl who by now was just watching roaches crawl on the walls with her mouth open but only a quiet 'oh' kept erupting. on the porch i found shelly and told her about the cockroaches and she looked at me smiling and said "yeah, i noticed"- then i woke up

Saturday, February 10, 2007

face twitches and w.c.


my face is twitching. it started last night and i kept hoping that it was just my imagination. then i looked in the mirror this morning and sure enough, my face was twitching (or spasming or ticking, which ever youd prefer)-the left cheek keeps pulling up as if to sneer at the entire world, and then upon discovering it was about to take on such an unlady-like expression, cheek changes its mind and relaxes...

i found out on thursday that the last weekend of wolf creek is the same weekend as my last gestalt weekend (guess it is more of a journey jeff). it hadnt even occured to me that it might happen that way, so i didnt bother to check, and then suddenly i decided in favor of the program and finally did. i had to write the facilitator about the conflict and tell her i was disappointed and dizzy. it was just the very the beginning of my mourning. i am not very good at surprises, and this news had certainly hit my body with the force of a surprise and i was unable to hold in my immediate reaction...thats all. with in half an hour, i knew that i had erred in making an assumption, and because of it i had lost something i really wanted- a very strong lesson, thats for sure. a few hours later, i was checking my email for a note from the university of akron on when my phone interview for one of their doctoral programs would be, and the facilitator had written back that she would look into changing the last weekend of w.c...

i was floored. it hadnt occured to me that anything could be changed around- i think my intent in stating my disappointment was part surprise and part wanting to be seen.i dont think i have ever felt so worthwhile (strange word here, i know, but its the only one that keeps coming to mind). unfortunately i really am uncomfortable with uncertainty, and where things sit right now, i cant begin to mourn this as a loss, nor rejoice in the decision ive made. instead i sit here wishing and hoping- and twitching

Song of the day: when you wish upon a star- jiminy cricket

led out with a dream


last saturday, the last night of gestalt, i had another dream. i was at jackie's house, only it wasnt really her house, and there were alot of people there and she was hugging everyone. then i was the only one left to hug, and she turns to me with her arms open, and me from my place on the sofa, curled inward and jackie rolls her eyes and kind of breathes out "come on already- so i swallowed and stood and allowed myself to be enveloped....even if it was with impatience, its kind of like welcoming myself home

Song of the day: dress you up in my love- madonna

Tuesday, February 06, 2007

gestalted: beyond the theory


it gets harder and harder to discuss these weekends, but my silence needed to end, and i am still experiencing the weekend in my head, so i have to start there

i grew and grew...its interesting when we realize how far away from the core of who we are we have gotten, by suddenly reembracing the core...hmmm, very unclear and unowned

this weekend in the facilitator seat in practicum, i took on a whole new attitude. the first weekend, i was unprepared for how deep some people would go in the client seat and became over whelmed. the last weekend, i had to fight my faculty as she tried to help me hone my technique, but this weekend i took on a "there is only learning" attitude, and just went with it, and something higher then me took over....i was told i have raw talent for this work, and i could see that my "client" was blossoming in those moments too.

i was advised, however, to be careful not to do "the bulk of the feeling for the system", and i remembered my younger Self, how overwhelmed she would become, running around and away from others feelings, especially the hidden non-verbalized ones, how many relationships i destrroyed because the other would not admit their feelings and i would neurotically freak out, knowing they were there but constantly being told i was wrong...i kind of like her adult version though, as i let go of needing to caretake for everyone and instead find curiosity for what i feel and notice

Song of the day: changes- david bowie

Friday, February 02, 2007

official!!

beechbrook called and offered me the position...we will talk salary today i'm sure...what a step forward!!

Song of the day:

Thursday, February 01, 2007

gestalt: exercise in the moment-conflict



conflict- doesnt scare me when two people are able to discuss conflict,

does not always have a solution, outcome (but we are so outcome based)

my last big conflict was with jay (the facilitator that i had trouble with the first two weeks) i dont know if it was resolved, but it wasnt left as an open sore ether...which it can be (2/2/07-jay and i talked at the end of the day yesterday, and it was nice to finally connect).

i wish words were more divided, we call the middle east a conflict, and i guess it is but it adds so much anger to the idea...jackie gave us a packet once "sitting in the fire" i wish i could reread it right now as it had a lot of good ideas...ofcourse, that adds the color red to it, and heat and smoke, smoldering embers


...and all that is leading into breaking up into groups of four to discuss what we want and dont want as far as conflict in the group is concerned

Song of the day:fight for the right (to party)- twisted sister

dreaming


last night i dreamt i was at the institute and jackie was there, and she said to me "i dont get your hesitation, cant you feel me?" and i, with exasperation replied "yes, i just feel so unsure!" and jackie says "why?" and i said "because this is going to change my whole life!".... and then i woke up.

whats funny is, i think we had this conversation for real, i dont know about what anymore, only in the memory i answered her why with "i dont know! i just am"

Song of the day: on the steps of the palace- sondheim/lapine

"he's a very smart prince,
hes a prince who prepares
knowing this time id run from him,
he spread pitch on the stairs,
i was caught unawares,
and i thought "well, he cares...
this is more then just malice,
better stop and take stock
while your standing here stuck
on the steps of the palace
You think, What do you want?
You think, Make a decision!
Why not stay and be caught?
You think, Well, it's a thought..
What would be his response?
But then what if he knew who you were,
When you know that you're not what he thinks that he wants?
And then, what if you are
What a Prince would envision?"- cinderella
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