new employment, anxiety and absence

i need to write- my mother called to say my grandmother is in the hospital again, they think shes bleeding inside, and i knew i needed to write my anxiety, i cant afford it to get any larger then it already is.

my absence is due to my current anxiety, which just grows larger and larger as i near my first day of work...which is monday.

im bored, im ready to have things to DO, not hanging out with friends, pointlessly and such, not journaling, but making a difference.

but the way my anxiety has been climbing oiver the past week- i WANT CONTROL OF SOMETHING, anything, but there is nothing to have control over. im trying to zen it but...

i woke up at four thirty this morning, thinking about all the things i CANT control; the weather, other people, car alarms (mine doesnt have one)- i forced myself to breathe in, breahte out- i started thinking about what i could control- i left a note on the car in the space next to mine asking her to be more concious of parking closer to her wall (its a tight double-spot and she takes up alot of space because she parks close to a foot from her wall), i tried to eat healthier, i made a phone call that needed to be made, etc.

...sorry for my absence, i think it might last lonbger, and i have this sneaky suspicion that i will have my period by my first day at my new job on monday-but atleast its only orientation

Song of the day:silence-i so hate it