car shopping

i smashed my car to smithereens last week. it was my fault, i was making a left turn and didn't see the other guy (though i also think he was going way too fast). now i have to get a new one.

i have never gone shopping on my own for something so large before. i keep asking my friends for advice, and ask if they will come with me, but i notice that each time they try to give advice, or put up a new idea for which car, i become exceptionally prickly. especially when someone mentions a hybrid, which i would love, but i really cant afford that at this point in my life.

my mother, she was not the type to install gender stereotypes in my self image- she was single the majority of my life, but even in her relationships, she often took on what is kind of considered the "guys" jobs-and yet, somehow, i dont feel competent enough to buy a car.

i knew which car i wanted, i did alot of research, and while a kia rio is not the top of anything (except for warranties maybe), it is a good enough car and i can just pay for the thing upfront with the insurance price for my deceased bug without having to entiely wipe out my savings. i just dont think now is the time to take on another monthly bill, as my student loans are coming up this month

i am pretty sure this is the best choice for me, i like the way it looks, and it somehow feels like having my geo metro back, i loved the little economy car then, and i think i would love it now- and i am also really at a place where I can buy it for myself. i know that the car i wrecked was a present from my mom, but it was mine, and i know my mom would cover the payments until i had a permanent source of income, but i want this car to be mine, all mine.

so i am going to gather my courage, not feel overwhelmed, and take myself out to the kia dealer.