Sunday, June 03, 2007

changes


wolf creek-a five weekend camping/commnity/personal workshop run by that majickal professor of mine (if you remember anything about her...and if not read how my blog got started)was cancelled for this weekend, and will be rescheduled....i wasnt ready to really say much about it until now, but....

the weekend was sposed to start at 10:00 am on friday, but the majickal professor's mother died at six am that morning.

for me, it really works out best. my left thigh and waist have again contracted,though thankfully the numbness is mild (knocking on wood). i started having problems on thursday, and was almost going to cancel myself, though i got to a place inside where i accepted i could still go, but would have to sleep inside as well as sit out many of the activities.

i received a notice with information on the funeral and shiva...it wasnt for me specifically, but everyone involved in wolf creek this year....i am going to the service but not the shiva, and that decision is based on a few things:
1. iwant to support someone who has been very supportive of me
2. i have never been to a shiva and dont know i want to
3. this is also my therapists aunt that has died and i need to make sure we both feel ok, and i think that shiva is a little too personal and private

i am definitly going to go though, in a bright dress and a supportive mood...

...i would email her in the middle of the night while i was sick, about my pain, my inability to sleep, about my loss (feeling loss, job loss etc...), and she always responded with her positive words, she never pitied me, she stood out from the soft eyes and sympathetic apologies so many people gave me (actually, r, you and k also were positive through my difficulties, not pitying me, and i appreciate it)


poem of the morning: runner at twilight-grace butcher

i move, shining, over dim hills.
the grass unwinds a blur of rivers
on the bottom of the night;
i cross with no bridges.
my hair is heavy with fog,
and my breathing is the force
that spins the universe.
there is more to the spectrum
than i suppesed:
beyond the violet are endless miles
of impossible colors.

-travel well, mrs. schloss

3 comments:

Sorriah42 said...

Everything has a reason if you look hard enough. Sometimes b'shert just steps in. Thanks for the little paranthetical addition - or I would have sat wondering today whether or not I treated you "normally." I guess I did. Thanks. PS - It's a good thing you didn't come last night because I had forgotten and gotten into my pjs as soon as the kids were down. I would have looked silly walking like that.

molly said...

lol, jody (my threapist)also said it was really for the best it happened this wekend becaus eof the heat, and its her aunt that died....and im sue you look adorable in your pjs

Sorriah42 said...

Adorable - NOT. I was wearing the ones I wore to nurse Luke in because they are the coolest ones I own. I looked like a 65 year old who needs a new wardrobe.

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