freedom

im relearning my body again....all my talk about being fired, and i went and resigned my position during supervision today (so easy to disown things and make it about THEM, right?)....my numbness started re-escalating at school today, the room i work in is a sauna, and theres nothing to be done about it

this is the kind of social work i wanted to do once upon a time in the land before diagnosis, but i really dont think i physically can-i really want to be kinder to self instead of getting self annoyed for having limitations....and for me, its head first and hard when i decide on something, so to draw back....i am not used to giving up on things, not getting what i want, so this is new too

but there is a possibility i can be transferred to outpatient, and should hear from my supervisors supervisor in a few days....i just need to do social work in a stable environment thats airconditioned, not at an agency and an uncooled inner city school and by doing home visits to the projects- especially in the summer.....and i do still work at the hospital and maybe someone will be close to ready for a vacation soon if the outpatient thing doesnt work out

this is a very different side of me emerging, not bolting when embarrased or "in trouble", which is in total paradox with my tenacity and yet it makes total sense...if im gonna quit im gonna quit as head first and hard as i would work

Song of the day: return to innocence- enigma

hired!!

after having a second interview with a guy named bill (and no, oyu did not miss any steps, the second interview was right after the first interview in the same building) i have most likely been (95%, gotta wait for the definite out of the mouth of HR) been hired as a school based therapist at margeret a. ireland, a school for seventh to ninth graders that have all (and this is the best part in my mind) failed at least two grades...i dont really have to worry about family preservation at all for the first three months, and you never have more then one family in family pres. at a time (which is the in-home stuff i did not want to do)...

i am really happy, adolescents are my favorite and i will still be working with alot of mental health issues

an employment letter and falling anxiety

Date: Tue, 12 Dec 2006 18:18:05 -0500
From: ".........@bellefairejcb.org> Add to Address Book Add Mobile Alert
To: gohead95@yahoo.com
Subject: Interview

I really enjoyed our interview yesterday and I hope you're interested
in our program. Our HR person is out this week so I wanted to tell you
the next step if you're interested. It would be to take the computer
test that we talked about. Just let me know and I'll email it on to
you. Again, thanks again for the interview and I look forward to hearing
from you.
- A

i feel so relieved, though i dont know why my anxiety was so high, i left the interview feeling positive, but i really do fear rejection...not that i ever change my behavior because of my fear, i just feel nausaus until i know how the other person experienced the moment.... now i feel like i have room to seriously consider the position and how i feel about what the work entails, as it is basically inhome...
Song of the day: nine to five- dolly parton

my presentable half

eating left over briskut from a hannukah party, im not ready to talk about the interview with bellfaire. i think it went well.... but i am really not ready to talk about it

Song of the day: the letter- kristen hersch

an interview

bellfaire called today, and i have an job interview at 2:00 p.m. on monday. i know to go buy a suit that fits (since i can not yet fit into my clothes) and i think i will buy a nice folder and within place a hard copy of my resume, a reference list.... and beyind that, i am not sure how to best approach this interview. please feel free to give suggestions

i am so glad i am ready to move forward

Song of the day: im tirtzu- i have no clue