having overslept and knowing i have math to practice (and i am not doing so well with the combination of rational numbers, fractions and negative exponents), i have a dream clinging...in the future i may leave things like this as comment on dreams and dreamscapes, but as for today, i have no physical journal and need to get this out...
at jackie's outside, its my birthday again, there are alot of friends and one named vanessa....skips to the next day at jackies, its a strange mix of both her old and new places (well, at least it is darker and has more furniture, like the old den) and we had left for the night and come back, and then i find out vanessa and her boyfriend had crashed there, and i was jealous (damn my scorpio-ness)....
there was so much more (as the dreamer in her dreamscape often says) but its intermingling with algebraic equations and i cant really grasp what else was going on...but it could come back in its own way later...
but i want to talk about being scorpio briefly, as even in my dreams it creates such difficult emotion. i was out with my friend kirsti a couple weeks ago and we were talking about her life a little, and she was telling me how i reminded her of her besst friend from germany, anka. i guess she and anka no longer have a relationship really, because anka disapproved of her life here, or maybe was just highly judgemental of it, and something about the way she was describing this womans behavior, i had to say "is she a scorpio?"
well, you could be laughing or rolling your eyes right about now, whatever, but anka is scorpio, and kirsti looks at me with her big eye look and says "how did you know that?"
somehow, for people born with these stars, it is very easy to become threatened by the closeness of others...i dont know why, but its a struggle for me to remember that i have many relationships in my life, and there is not one that counters out the importance of others, and that it most likely is the same for the people in my life....but jealousy is jealousy- i get jealous of others relationships, and it is often that i am hurt if others have no jealousy over me... but getting along best with virgo's leo's and sag's, there is plenty of stubborness but not so much jealousy.
Song of the day: drive me crazy- fine young cannibals
5 comments:
I've be chewing on - Anke's "scorpionness" and how the need to
officially "break up" with her for an inability on her side to unconditionally accept my
life and the choices I have made. It's been a really weired back and forth with myself
about feeling the need to let her go, missing her and, I have to admit this, wondering if
she could possibly be right. The latter thought never lingers, especially when it comes
to Nat, because I am confident in my choices (as much as I possibly could be as a human
being, I guess. Will we ever be free of taking what others think about us to heart?) So
that's where I am and here life has put another scorpio in my path (one much open mined I
have to add!)....
smile, i dont know if i am more open minded, or just more self aware. i think i struggle with acceptance and judgement, and i am realizing that beyond certian issues like abuse and such, i cannot make the right decisions for others.
i look forward to talking more on this, and getting to know nat better.
I was going to comment on the dream first, but after reading "anonymous" comment, I have a comment to that (so if you can pass this along): I had a relationship with a friend like that as well. I accepted her change in life with open arms and an open heart and when my life changed she couldn't do the same for me. It still hurts, but I can't change her. So, I've been there and done that and I totally empathize with the feelings. Just do what is right in your heart.
dont worry, she stops often enough...what would you say about the dream?
oh, and one more thing i would add is that sometimes, when i feel threatened, the first urge is to try and control the situation.
i think that is alot of what i recognized in anke. when you were telling me about her, i could see how she was trying to use disapproval, trying to get you to question your own experience, an attempt to influence (control) the decisions you were making to best suit her and her expectations (snd there is that word)
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