my friend phillip

UNDERSTAND, I CAN ONLY TELL THIS STORY BECAUSE I KEPT JOURNALS

picture it, atlanta georgia, 1997...ok, so maybe i watched one too many golden girls reruns in my tweens, anyhow, i lived in a one story house with three other individuals- leah, don angel, and sara- on a quiet suburbian street called mimosa drive and located one block away from the infamous Agnes Scott (or Anxious Twat as the baby dykes prefered) College. the college was infamous for becoming the campus used in the film "Scream 2" with neve campbell...

don angel and sara were a couple at the time, and so much fun to have around. she was a goth chick who worked for mindspring internet (no clue where she is now-i couldnt even find her on myspace), he was an industrialist, ayn rand kinda guy who worked in a printing press (now he works for a museum) i was going by my middle name, and the two of them referred to me as "The Katherine". one day sara came home and said to don angel "i need to introduce The Katherine to phillip". phillip was working with people affected by schizophrenia at the time, i was depressed from riding the coat tails of my MS diagnosis, and sara, being the busy body she is, thought it would be good for me to interact with him.

so one day, i was home (like normal for the time frame) sitting in the black leather chair pushed right up to the tv for channel surfing since there was no remote, watching "the last temptation of christ" and in walks sarah with a tall delicate bearded guy with fascinating eyes and a head balanced by dark curls

"phillip" says sara "meet The Katherine"
"shhhhhhhh" i say "this is the best part of the movie!! check out the tattoing on barbara hersheys feet"
"hi, im phillip, ive heard quite alot about you" his unfamiliar voice caught my attention, and big toe found the stop button on the vcr.

i turned around "im molly katherine" i said, surprised to hear myself referred to as such. my head was heavy, suddenly, filled with "youre finally here!" and "how strange" and "why do i play games like this with myself? he doesnt feel me" and "are we supposed to know each other?" ...

"yes" said phillip "its one of my favorites, you know, the last temptation...can i watch with you?"
"yes" said i "should i restart it?"

Phillip hung around through the evening. we talked about our loves (he did marry his, his genevive...my melissa left me for a bull dyke named courtney then came back apologetic three months later. we found a way to rebuild a friendship. she now lives in oregon as a born-again republican with her wife francie), we talked about his initial schizophrenia diagnosis and how it was changed (he had a benign tumor i think), i talked about finding out my brain was dis-eased (it was just so fresh.) we kind of shut sara out and she huffed off at some point

"i need to talk to you" says phillip as the sun went down "can we, can we sit down" so we sat. "this is going to sound so strange" yes, i think "but i have to say something, its not like its common and i cant afford to let anything pass" my poor body, just get on with it

"molly katherine, i swear i know you, i am supposed to know you and i have no idea what that is about, but there it is"
"yes, i know, me too" i say, and we just sat together in silence for a little over an hour, just sitting. then i said i was tired and asked him to leave

i could never look him in the eye after that, i avoided whenever i heard he was coming over, but he managed to corner me at some point after a week or so

"whats up with this? why are you freaking out" he asks
"i dont know, i just am! im sorry, im really sorry!" is all i could say. we have not really kept in touch-mostly my responsibility, but not entirely.

our story, however, is not over.