dianosis part III: march eighth, nineteen-ninety seven

i dont know how the subject came up, maybe the er nurse had tuned her gay-dar into me, but this sweet, perky and very obviously homosexual (as my mother said to me later) rn began listing all her favorite lesbi-bands in between taking my temperature and weight (damn any scale that tells me i weigh over 200...glad that hasnt happened in over seven years now). anyhow, all her favorite lesbi-bands, melissa etheridge, odd girl out, melissa ferrick, tribe-8, kristen hersch (who is not gay but much beloved by those who are...and now that i think about it, i dont think mellisa ferrick is either), disappear fear, indigo girls...

"you like the indigo girls!!" my mom blurts out "really, you know, this kid here knows them" she adds with pride throwing her arm around my shoulder. i blushed, embarrassed, thinking about that time i came to town for a concert and my friend shanna told every cute girl that i knew the girls so they would talk to her.

"mom, really" i said. "i dont know them really"
"yes you do" she said
"that is sooooo cool" the er nurse said "how do you know them" she was pumping away on the sphygoptemeter or whatever it is that the thing that takes your blood pressure is called.
"i used to be a gohead" i said "you know, kinda like a deadhead, only i followed the indigo girls so i was called a gohead. a friend of mine opens for them alot" i could hear the bragging and i wanted to pull back, but this really was a nice distraction from thinking about brain failures, and sometimes it's nice to feel special like i did at the moment
"yeah, who's your friend" that cute little nurse asked as she set up the chart for the doctor.
"michelle malone"
"EEEEEEEEK i love her!" cute nurse shrieked. i realized that she had run out of chores to complete, but wanted to stay
"molly has known her for years, she had a roommate who worked with her" bragged my mom. it was true, i had known her for years, i met her in akron when i was 17, long before missy worked with her, but i did not correct her, she was just trying to lighten the mood for me.

so hours wasted, sitting waiting, chatting with the cute nurse, seeing another opthamologist, going to another area with a different nurse, they send me for a CT scan....finally, they have me see the neurologist...no, scratch that, the neurology intern.

the neurology intern was a tall, thin black man with bottle-lensed glasses and a great sense of humor. my first experience with a neurology exam, i was greatful that he was aware of how silly it must make a person feel to have to do these tiny little physical challenges, such as touching a finger to my nose then to his finger from a multitude of angles.
"now pinch your fingers together and take them apart as fast as you can" says my intern and so i do but i cannot resist a "kids in the hall" moment. just like that troop of canadian comics, i had to, had to do it....
putting my hand at eye level, i put my pinching fingers in front of my left eye and started "squishin' the head. squishin' the head" i say with my right eye squeezed shut and my intern just lost it. he laughed so hard the tears ran down his face, and i think he almost had to excuse himself for a moment
"i'll tell you" he says "i have never had so much fun doing this job before." and i smiled and nodded "but we have to get serious now. the CT scan is normal" and mum and i both sigh with release "and since you are showing no other signs of a neurological issue, i will not keep you in the hospital" (i did not even know they had been thinking in this diraction and my heart speeds up) "but we will need to set up an mri to rule out some things..."
"like what" says mom "what are we possibly looking at?"
after hearing a list that was as serious as a brain tumor or as simple as a migraine, mum took me home so my friend liz could pick me up and take me out for disco bowling.