Wednesday, October 31, 2007

...and the tears finally come

so this morning, a few hours shy of finally having a therapy hour,this morning i finally had a strong cry.....the first since andy died.....i kind of took it out on hess,stomped off after sitting in front of him crying for almost ten sure he thought it was because he hurt my feelings, and in a way it was, i really needed a friend, and instead he took my statement of, i dont want to argue over this right now as me being full of hot air and not wanting to own it....but in truth, we were talking about quantum physics, and i was holding the intangibility of grief and the idea that if nobody observed my grief, then it was without meaning....i just couldnt verbalize it, i just sat in the coffee shop sobbing while strangers approached thetable,telling methere was nothingto cry about, saying thingswould be ok, and hess just typed away

now, 10 minutes from a therapy hour, i realize i woke up with such loss at four am, did yoga, tried to care for self.....but loss is loss, and its going to hurt....and that sucks

Song of the day: oh father- madonna


HitThaFloor said...

Just so you know, I don't think that if someone doesn't see your grief, you're not really grieving. Publicity of grieving has nothing to do with the process. I hope your cry was cathartic.

molly said...

smile, i know...actually, we had changed the subject to politics and that is what jeff was responding too, i was just sitting with soooooooooooooooo much sadness and didnt know how to share it...and ill let you know hope cathartic it was until i actually stop crying

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