barking spider

the barking spider heating system
a note on impulse control
a visitor during the show
Song of the day:

leadership

leadership
-for little one and g.
and for the one who feels she has nothing else to teach me

i see you, i do, watch
you draw wheels in the soil
planning for the hour or crisis ahead,
and even though youve said
"dont follow me"
i parrot you, i do, arrange
a circle of stone on the table,
i look for direction,
-just this subtle inflection-
a prayer to change course.

pumpkin joy

the one on your right is my pumpkin....older boy shell wanted his to have cheeks



Song of the day:

just another day

yesterday was my birthday....it was hard not to think about the fact that andy probably had a birthday card sittingin a drawer ready to give to me....
his wife, roseanna, jeff jaros and i stopped by briefly wednesday night to see her....her brother called while we were there

she doesnt like her brother, but she decided to give him all the gory details of the day...later, as jeff and i talked, we decided that it was easier for her to share with us what happened by telling her brother while we listened...she didnt have to look at us by doing it that way....i know that i will never forget the picture she described, but i will also not pass on the image to anyone else

the phone rang yesterday, and it was roseanna....she had a terrible cold, which explains why nothing is happening- no obituary in the paper, no plans for the memorial.....she called and said "hi molly, thanks for checking in on me.....i looked at the calendar and i see its your birthday and i would come out and play with you if i wasnt so sick"


Song of the day: silence

yortzeit

i lit yortziet for andy this morning......16 hours late, but....

he was a childless father, and i was one of the many fatherless children (albeit the favorite...though i guess he could have said that to everyone-not) who was blessed to have him love me, teach me about unconditional love, and i am so greatful that we were always honest with eachother- he died knowing that i waclear on his feelings for me, and i am positive that he knew how much i loved him....

travel well, andy

Mourners kaddish

English translation Transliteration Aramaic / Hebrew
1 Exalted and sanctifiedb is God's great name.a Yitgaddal v'yitqaddash sh'meh rabba יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא.
2 in the world which He has created according to His will B'ʻal'ma di v'raʼ khiruteh בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ
3 and may He establish His kingdom v'yamlikh malkhuteh וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ
4 may his salvation blossom and his anointed near.ad [v'yatzmach purqaneh viqarev (Ketz) m'shicheh] וְיַצְמַח פֻּרְקָנֵהּ וִיקָרֵב(קיץ) מְשִׁיחֵהּ
5 in your lifetime and your days b'chayekhon uvyomekhon בְּחַיֵּיכוֹן וּבְיוֹמֵיכוֹן
6 and in the lifetimes of all the House of Israel uvchaye d'khol bet yisraʼel וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל
7 speedily and soon; and say, Amen.a b'ʻagala uvizman qariv v'ʼimru amen בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
The next two lines are recited by the congregation and then the leader:
8 May His great name be blessed y'he sh'meh rabba m'varakh יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ
9 forever and to all eternity. l'ʻalam ulʻal'me ʻal'maya לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא
10 Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, Yitbarakh v'yishtabbach v'yitpaʼar v'yitromam יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרוֹמַם
11 extolled and honored, elevated and lauded v'yitnasse v'yithaddar v'yitʻalle v'yithallal וְיִתְנַשֵּׂא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל
12 be the Name of the Holy One, blessed be He.a sh'meh d'qudsha, b'rikh hu. שְׁמֵהּ דְקֻדְשָׁא בְּרִיךְ הוּא.
13 beyond (and beyondc) all the blessings l'ʻella (ulʻella mikkol) min kol birkhata לְעֵלָּא (וּלְעֵלָּא מִכָּל) מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא
14 and hymns, praises and consolations v'shirata tushb'chata v'nechemata וְשִׁירָתָא תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא
15 that are spoken in the world; and say, Amen.a daʼamiran b'al'ma v'ʼimru amen דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
The half kaddish ends here.
Here the "complete kaddish" includes:
16 eLet them be accepted: the prayers and supplications Titqabbal tz'lot'hon uvaʻut'hon תִּתְקַבל צְלוֹתְהוֹן וּבָעוּתְהוֹן
17 of the entire House of Israel d'khol bet yisraʼel דְּכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל
18 before their Father in Heaven; and say, Amen.a qodam avuhon di bishmayya, v'ʼimru amen קֳדָם אֲבוּהוֹן דִּי בִשְׁמַיָּא וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
Here the "kaddish of the rabbis" includes:
19 Upon Israel and its rabbis and their students ʻal yisraʼel v'ʻal rabbanan v'ʻal talmidehon עַל יִשְׂרָאֵל וְעַל רַבָּנָן וְעַל תַּלְמִידֵיהוֹן
20 and upon all their student's students v'ʻal kol talmidey talmidehon וְעַל כָּל תַּלְמִידֵי תַלְמִידֵיהוֹן.
21 and upon all those who engage in the Torah v'ʻal kol maʼan d'ʻos'kin b'ʼorayta וְעַל כָּל מָאן דְּעָסְקִין בְּאוֹרַיְתָא.
22 here and in all other places di b'ʼatra haden v'di b'khol atar v'ʼatar דִּי בְאַתְרָא הָדֵין וְדִי בְּכָל אֲתַר וַאֲתַר.
23 may they and you have much peace y'he l'hon ulkhon sh'lama rabba יְהֵא לְהוֹן וּלְכוֹן שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא
24 grace and kindness and mercy and long life chinna v'chisda v'rachamey v'chayyey arikhey חִנָּא וְחִסְדָּא וְרַחֲמֵי וְחַיֵּי אֲרִיכֵי
25 and plentiful nourishment and salvation umzoney r'vichey ufurqana וּמְזוֹנֵי רְוִיחֵי וּפוְּרְקָנָא
26 from before their Father in Heaven [and Earth]; min qodam avuhon di vishmayya [v'ʼarʻa]e מִן קֳדָם אֲבוּהוּן דְבִשְׁמַיָּא [וְאַרְעָא]
27 and say, Amen.a v'ʼimru amen וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן
All variants but the half kaddish conclude:
28 fMay there be much peace from Heaven, Y'he sh'lama rabba min sh'mayya יְהֵא שְׁלָמָה רבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא,
29 [and] [good] life [v']chayyim [tovim] [וְ]חַיִּים [טוֹבִים]
30 and satiety, and salvation, and comfort, and saving v'sava vishuʻa v'nechama v'shezava וְשָֹבָע וִישׁוּעָה וְנֶחָמָה וְשֵׁיזָבָה
31 and healing and redemption and forgiveness and atonement urfuʼa ugʼulla uslicha v'khappara וּרְפוּאָה וּגְאֻלָּה וּסְלִיחָה וְכַפָּרָה,
32 and relief and deliveranced v'revach v'hatzzala וְרֵוַח וְהַצָּלָה
33 for us and for all His people Israel; and say, Amen.a lanu ulkhol ʻammo yisraʼel v'ʼimru amen לָנוּ וּלְכָל עַמּוֹ יִשְֹרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
34 fHe who makes peace in His heights ʻose shalom bimromav עוֹשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו,
35 may He [in his mercy]g make peace upon us hu [b'rachamav] yaʻase shalom ʻalenu הוּא [בְּרַחֲמָיו] יַעֲשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ,
36 and upon all [his nation]h Israel; and say, Amen.a v'ʻal kol [ammo] yisraʼel, v'ʼimru amen וְעַל כָּל [עַמּוֹ] יִשְֹרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.

Song of the day:

life

andrew goodwin 8/15/48-10/24/07
thank you....always and forever
Song of the day: Serenade for strings in G major (eine kliene nachtmusak)-motzart

setting up shiva; the importance of community

a friend's father died on monday....this is a first for me, and i wasnt sure what i, as a close friend, could do to lighten the load for my friend. she is the only girl of three children, and i am watching her stay strong and brave, trying to get everything set up.....i cleaned as much as i could on tuesday, and will be staying and setting up while everyone goes to the gravesite with two other women (who hopefully have more experience then me at shiva)

this past weekend, i did alot of thinking about the transition from girl to womanhood...it seemed to me that as a grew, there was little expectation that i take on new responsibilities...and i will talk more about this at another time, but we did some guided imagry of what it would be like if we lived in a tribal society and getting the first period was a very pronounced transition that brought new responsibility

so here i am, doing my best to be a strong friend, trying to take on as much as i know how to so as to make less work in this transition...and maybe i will join a temple, because i really have no idea what to do (thankful for my mother and hess, who are doing their best in guiding me to be helpful)

Song of the day: mourners kaddish- traditional prayer for the dead

andy and chi; a celebration

first opportunity to see andy since he got home from hpspital and chi is moving to chicago today....p.s., larry, i put these up for you

me chi and andy (can you believe how much weight he lost?)
andy, debbie and chi

mikes new boyfriend, mike and dierdra

jeff and chi

al

and then roseanna made me stop with the camera...she does hate when i catch her on film (or more correctly on digital chip)...she went kind of crazy with sherryr and grain alcohol last night...but we will let that story brew for awhile

andy update

roseanna called, he's a little healthier, and has been exhubated and all his tests look good...i think he will be out of icu by monday, and then i will see him.....and i will decorate his room or something

Song of the day: witch doctor- the chipmunks

have you got that spirit?

i want so much to be able to share the energy spending the evening at camp broughbt to me
we were invited to participate in the shabbat spirit circle, and so some of my old staff members brought back an old song "owadeya-owadum" and shared it with todays campers (and yes, back in the day, we all would spin around in circles with our pointer fingers in the air)... its nice to know we can still party for shabbat like a twelve year old.. anyhow, thats robin leading in the center and the two men leading with her are john, another drama specialist, and "apps" (the one in yellow)...really, i dont remember camp with out any of these wonderful people's energy , without their ruach...and im glad i got to share this with them as well

and there is no other way to say how i felt about camp then this quick vid i shot on robins camera


it is this energy that makes me want to study energy medicine...and as we showed our spirit (ruach) at camp by saying shalom, i show my spirit by passing on this moment of joy

Song of the day: have you got that spirit- a traditional cheer?

"have you got that spirit? yeah man
gonna keep that spirit? yeah man
have you got that spirit? yeah man
then show it with shalom!
shalom shalom, shalom, shalom shalom,"

C.W. shabbat....and for robin, who noticed i havent been posting

this year is the 100th anniversary of camp wise, and to calebrate this milestone, the camp has been havoing alumni weekends, each shabbat getting a decade and this week was the 1980's weekend (i was a cw kid 1986-1993)....i forgot to take my camera, and was going to wait until others sent me their photos to post about it,but dear robin has been saying things to me about my absence (in person and here on my blog) so i took this picture in the jcc parking lot of the name tags we made and will post again when i have more pictures...it was good to be back, at this home away from home, and while some things were different, the core experience was the same, and us old fogies had even more ruach then the current counselors....and as far as that is concerned, i truly cant believe my mother was willing to send me away every summer to be watched by a bunch of children, as really, the staff seemed as young as the older campers (but mom, i am so greatful that you did let me go, it allowed me to have that strong, needed experience....)

Song of the day: bim bam-traditional