and i am sooooooooooooo nervous and unsure!
in some ways, i am real young emotionally, and this is one o those places where my pride and ego make me want to lash out or defend myself...
i used to really trust the majickal professor, but now, i am all twisted and tied up inside, and unsure how i can make this weekend (and the four still yet ahead)a learnign and growing experienc ewhen i am still angry and embarrased
im scared the professor will stare at me from the side again, as she has always done, because i dont want her looking at me, she gave such an ugly point of view on who i am
but then im scared she wont be looking at all- or even worse, that i will be just like everyone else...
this first weekend is about relationships, and i am supposed to take time and journal on what relationships it is time to end, which i want to nurture and give energy too, how i can be in right relationship...and i just want to hide hide hide- as i feel like i am a relationship that has been ended, and it leaves me feeling sour...
breathe in, breathe out, i am waiting until the end of this weekend to make a decision on the rest of the program, and this time i gave her no warning on my thinking, as before, i let her know where i was (i thought i was being respectful) and it is not what she wanted (she acted like i thought it was her reponsibility to fix it, or change my mind)...
i guess ill can do is embrace my ambivilance and let be what will be
Song of the day:
2 comments:
Relax and just take it all in
im gonna try, but i do have a large affect at times, and sometimes find it difficult to contain
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