surprise

jack in the box
so i am bad at surprise. i am so bad at surprise that my therapist actually bought me a jack in the box so i can practice being surprised (note: this is an appropriate gift, meant to move me along in my healing, not meant to create unbreakable bonds, but i will most likely return the jack in the box one day still).in fact, sitting in her office the first time i tried the jack in the box, i actually burst into tears when he popped out (just like when i was a kid...only now the tears very quickly turn into delighted laughter).

so often in life, i can see whats coming next. i can sense the changes coming, and prepare accordingly. but every now and then, i meet someone or experience something that just throws me entirely off-kilter (and yes, i often burst into tears then laugh delightedly). i figure, my childhood was full of unpleasant surprises i had no control over (divorce and marriages and siblings and divorces and loss of siblings and moves and visitations and cancalled visitations and weight gain and on and on and , oh yeah, and ms and on and on and...) and while i know that this is the magic in life, the unpredictability, i am always a little ambivilant in the uncontrolled reality of living