it is a difficult thing, letting go and not assigning motivation or meaning to other people's behavior.... hess and i got in this conversation a week or so ago over an email i had received from my friend kirsti. she was responding to a comment i had made in which i had thanked her for
sticking with me as i went through a rough time, and she wrote back that i had nothing to be sorry about
well, i said to jeff "hmmm, i wasnt sorry. i wonder why she wrote that?"
and hess says "well, she must think you have something to be sorry for"
to which i replied "wow, i am not going to assign that motivation to her...that could really mess us up if i assume something like that!!"
to which hess immediatly repliedc "you are absolutely right.assuming something like that is not helpful. thanks"
trusting that what is behind a behavior (or a word or whatever) will present itself when its ready to be seen is just so...ok, i like to have control, and not allowing that conversation with jeff to alter my trust in the connection between me and kirsti was difficult, but i was successful (because i do want to always know you-just so you know). and i can see a million places where i struggle to do be as successful (you have no idea how hard it is to not assign meaning to your liking my choice of photos, j., it took awhile to open that space up for you to fill or for us to watch and see what shows up in the gap).
assigning motivation never leads to good, whether the outcome is lost opportunities because of disbelief or disappointment after putting more meaning behind an action or word than what was intended- its just never any good....except when you happen to be right (wink, wink)
Song of the day: falling- alison moyet
8 comments:
Shalom Molly,
Humanity's most basic question will always be why?
When we cease to ask the question, believing that we have the answer, this is when we get in trouble.
B'shalom,
Jeff
then there is the point that sometimes, you dont even need to ask why, but just patient and allow things to move forward without expectation is another (and maybe more likely) way to get the authentic answer
Shalom Molly,
Not asking why is like having stats on your blog and not checking them more than say once a week.
B'shalom,
Jeff
yes jeff, but i have been blogging for well over a year without asking why, and then it was time. and once i understand all the information it is giving me i prolly will check it less then once a week... i mean come on, its only been two days.
;P
I am glad to have made such a thought provoking comment, however, I feel the need to clarify. My "no need to be sorry" was for your apology to me for not needing the reference you asked me to fill out and had nothing to do with the hanging in there comment.
I wish you would have mentioned something to me, its weired to be assumed over....
Kirsti
smile, i guess i should have added my conclusion, because that same morning, when i
reread, i caught it was the referral that you were referring to
thanks for telling me how you feel about it. next time i will be sure to mention
situations like this to you before i post....i would add that my point was that i
did not want to assume you, and thats what i said to jeff. i just happened to make that
statement outloud in front of him, and was glad for it, because i had a much stronger
sense on how i wanted to take in the world after he assumed your motivation
I am smiling, I just had the urgent need to add my ten cents to the conversation. I re-read your blog entry and realized where you were going with it after I got over myself.
I tremendoulsly appreachiate your uninhibitedness (I think thats the word I am looking for) and openess. It's a really refreshing thing and I know (80% know, 20 % assume!?) I don't need to sugarcoat anything.
all i ask, k, is that you keep staying honest with me, never let the resentment or discomfort build up.... if its true, there is no need to sugarcoat
Post a Comment