another intention

so im sitting here, evaluating where i am going with this blog right now.....and i feel narcissistic in a way- am i looking for pity? what is it i am hoping to gain? especially with the photos of the infusion.

but there are two other sides to my thinking...first off, i dont live near my family, and as much as they want to come running to me right now, they are respecting that really, i am feeling like an adult for the first time in my life and i dont feel like i need them here, and this is the best way i can think of to let them feel this with me in another way.

then there is my own experiences with other blogs about ms and what i notice missing the most is the internal reaction...does anybody else wonder what its like inside? do they have anxiety or peace? how do they use both emotions to move forward through out this? what goes on with the people around them? do they withdrawl from them too? how do they know where to draw the line between courage and stupidity in challenging self with whatever condition one may have...everyone is different, true, but i hope over the next few weeks i will be more capable of creating honest, emotional and yet enjoyable to read posts that may speak to someone....and i hope to draw in more people like this one reader i had, janet (hi there! hope you are good !! if you are reading this) who was able to find support in knowing that someone else has been somewhere near the places she has been...

so my intentions are to write my truth if i can and to keep remembering "what is, is" and one thing really will follow the other
Song of the day: three hours- nick drake