Saturday, March 31, 2007

the hopeless hours

steroids are not a quick fix still takes weeks and weeks to heal from an ms episode, and i have these moments in the middle of the night (like last night) where i wake up with my waist and torso clenched up, painful, and cry to myself "why bother!! im never going to be better! its always going to feel this bad"

but ten minutes later, the cramp backs off a little, and i feel a smidgen better, and can tell that even though the world feels grainy and cramped, i actually have some spots of full feeling on the bottoms of my feet

but the brain is an electrical system of a sort, and as i visualize a crop of "doozers" (for those of you who remember fraggle rock) rebuilding neural networks for signals to make it all the way up from toe tip to spinal collumn without interruption, its hit and miss....i will suddenly feel great, and then the whole left side will "short circuit" again like a string of christmas lights...if one bulb is screwed in wrong, the whole chain goes haywire

its just a time of growth i guess

Song of the day: id like to teach the world to sing- the new seekers


Sorriah42 said...

This post makes MS understandable. Not that we like it, but it's definitely in laymen's terms.

molly said...

smile, unfortunately, it can only speak to my experience of sensory friend sarah, on the other hand, has more motor issues, and doesnt experience her healing the same way i do...

i am glad that it is helpful to you though

Rev. M. Brewer said...

Heal Well.

Brightest Blessings,

(Doozers...that takes me back.)

Sorriah42 said...

I'm not positive about this, but I think I had a dream (or a thought) about something with doozers who were attacking and fixing your MS as well. They were stomping out MS entirely. I know it's what you wrote in your post, but it infiltrated my sleeping head.

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