is that the intention is not the same as the outcome...its another terribly ironic day in molly's world, where a walk to help shake the morning's depression (since i was able to get my tennis shoe on my foot yesterday for the first time since i hurt it)led to me hurting the other ankle, and the friends who keep offering themselves up are not able to help in the ways they mean...
for as long as i can remember i have had to fight self-sabotaging patterns and thoughts, and i can hear my self thinking "no intention would have been better then the disappointment i feel when people dont deliver exactly the way they say, the way i want them too", but i truly dont want to think that, not about taking a walk, and not about the caring words that are given to me.
3 comments:
The world is full of well-intentioned people - unfortunately, most of them have really poor follow-through.
I can totally emphazise with how you
feel. It sucks just as much being on the other side and being the
intention-mindless-non-deliverer. The picture of us huddeling around Shaker Lake, with
you on crutches, taking frequent bench breakes in the sunshine, just took over my
imagination. Abandoned was the reality of a holiday weekend...
just needed to tell you that!
i hope you know this, but just to be sure i will say it, that i really appreciated the intention, and it is my own low self-esteem and history that causes me to have such a passive aggressive response to the disappointment i talked about in my blog (i hate that word). really, in my heart i would much rather have your intention then nothing, but those sneaky little voices act up sometimes.
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