medicine wheel song

sound is necesarry, the picture does not move at all


Song of the day: circle game- joni mitchell

wolf creek III

the herd
rojo, raven, be, spirit, and thunderheart (thunder was previously known as tony the painting horse, if anyone remembers that)


this is Be (the one with the white stripe) and her wild teenage son, raven

Song of the day:

conversations in the dark

on saturday afternoon, we had our first vision quest...looking at the schedule for the weekend, i thought, well that will be my chance to have a moment with the professor....ill just take 20 minutes at the beginning and have it out with her, find out what is real, because i dont believe either of us were rational at the time, and i thought, maybe she will be upfront in person more so than email

it did not turn out that way, as the vision quest was to be done in silence....and i will tell you more about that at another time

anyhow, saturday night, i found opportunity to talk with her, in the dark, which worked much better for me....there is something about the dark that lowers the intensity for me.

ive been doing alot of work aroun energy, and am learning that i often become overwhelmed by energy, like i have no way to protect myself from an overload, a surge...it was going out to camp wise that showed me that...there i was with oneof my closest friends, in a place that was full of love and comfort for me, and still i was so overwhelmed by the energy- the love, the excitement, the reconnecting, the sounds the smells, that it took me well over twenty minutes to acclimate to this high energy and become an active part of the shabbat celebration.

anyhow, so i found an opportunity, walking the half mile up to the outhouses from the camp site (there was a little tent with a whole right at the site, but i suck at squatting and whats a half mile anyhow), she was heading back down on her own, so i abandoned my co-walkers, who called after me "molly?! where are you going?! what are you doing?! hey! molly?!" and caught up with her

and i told her i wanted to talk about what happened and she was confused at first, thought i wanted to address something that had happened that weekend, but i caught her up to where i was, and in the dark, we had our first real conversation....where i wasnt overwhelmed and we were able to complete a topic in real time, not seperated across emails.

so there we were, and we sat with the misunderstandings, not just the confusion over romantic feelings....and we did not agree on everything, she says everything she said was rational, her truth in the moment (and i believe it was the moments truth, but i still dont think it is rational), and i csan still feel that she didnt tell me her truth, but instead told me about myself (and it has alot to do tith her not using "i" ststements and instead saying "you" are needy "you arent special)...

somethings were surprising to me as well as to her. i told her about my disappointment when i found out she wasnt gouing to be teaching my gestalt...she was surprised by that, and told me how she cant imagine tat she has anything else to teach me, i am so competent, which surprised me, because i see these huge holes (wholes) in who i am that will cause great problems in my work

one theme over the weekend was that something must be knowcked down (a structure, a relationship) in order for something new to grow up, and os we make a fragile attempt at starting over, from our ashes

wolf creek II

its hard to pick where to start....should i be linear and start at the beginning, pulling in the driveway, stepping out of the car onto weak knees....could i start at the end where my memory is freshest, with the medicine wheel and a spider on my right big toe?

...i feel like i should get the news of the majickal professor out first maybe, because it was such a dramatic experience for me, the past few months....but really, the focus of the weekend was self, so maybe that is the priority

or maybe ill just leaveyou with this picture of my feet, dirty and bare...and happy, if feet cna be happy, mine were the happiest of all

Song of the day: the medicine wheel- wolf creek song (i dont know much about it yet)

sincerity in polotics?

from Top candidates profit from book deals By CHRISTINE SIMMONS, Associated Press Writer
Mon Aug 20, 3:20 PM ET

WASHINGTON - The top-tier presidential candidates have some personal finance numbers in common — six- or seven-figure book deals.

Writing a book has become a prerequisite to running for president....Hillary Rodham Clinton made an $8 million book deal for "Living History," published in 2003. In the last two years, the New York senator chalked up about $1.2 million in book royalties.

Though his campaign may be in a financial rut, Sen. John McCain's book ...made $80,390 in 2006 from Random House book royalties and about $255,000 in book profits the year before.

Also finding literary success was Sen. Barack Obama, D-Ill., who received a $425,000 advance against royalties for "The Audacity of Hope," published last October....

But not every candidate low in the polls is destined for literary obscurity. Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, who has written five books, made $148,750 in book royalties from Margaret McBride Literary Agency last year. ...

Sen. Joe Biden, D-Del., ...received an $112,000 advance in 2005 for "Promises to Keep: On Life and Politics," which was released last month. According to his financial disclosure forms, he was to receive another installment of $112,000 when he finished the book's manuscript.
Timing also counts. Republican Rudy Giuliani published "Leadership" about a year after Sept. 11, 2001. It has sold 665,000 copies in hardcover and garnered the former New York mayor $146,092 in royalties last year.

but then notice the write up they give for john edwards

HarperCollins paid former Sen. John Edwards, D-N.C., a $500,000 advance for "Home: The Blueprints of Our Lives," a collection of mini-memoirs he edited.
Edwards donated his royalties to charity — something politicians sometimes do with a portion of their book proceeds.

somehow, i feel like they are down playing his giving to charity, when all else in his cohort are not....that speaks alot to me, and i think that maybe a little more benifit of the doubt should be given, as maybe he is sincere in his giving and truly deserves some credit for it...i wish that the posotive could be focused on more often in this world

...but we are so cynical as to not believe in sincerity and goodness anymore, and so we create a lack of sincerity and goodness

wolf creek part I

with the weekend over, and having gotten a full nights sleep last night, i will take a few minutes to give a quick synopsis, and when i have a larger chunk of free time, i will begin to lay out the story...

the weekend was good...i will start by saying that i did have opportunity to talk with the majickal professor, and certainly there was some resolution...

but better, it was a weekend of spirit, going in with an intention of finding, creating ruach...it was a weekend of animal messages, Spider came to me strongly, each day, and feathers were drawn to me, hawk, and pidgeon and blue jay

and it felt wonderful to just stay outside...all the toime (all though, i learned i need to buy an air mattress because i barely slept a wink on the sleeping pad, it was two feet shorter then me, and too thin for stmache sleeping)

Song of the day: country roads- john denver

gone camping

gone camping, be back monday....

Song of the day: cedar tree- indigo girls

necrotizing fasciitis

my god-father (for lack of a better term, since he is of no blood relation to me, but the most important father figure in my life), my god-father, andy, he has necrotizing fasciitis.

the simpler term for this condition is flesh-eating bacteria, and andy was at risk due to his diabetes, chronic steroid use and a recent bedsore that just did not want to heal.

he will be in the hospital for atleast a month....it is bringing up an awful lot for me, around health and illness and death

andy has been giving me my weekly avonex injections (all drugs to help slow the progresion of multiple sclerosis are injectables at this point)for close to ten years now, and i will be taking over that role until he is well again (i WILL NOT think about the 30% mortality rate that comes with necrotizing fasciitis, or about his poor health in general)...

i hate the wird "pray", i feel like it is too attached to religion and cannot do a good job of representing me and how i feel, but i recently read that praying is equal to helping, and in that case, i will pray for andy's recovery and do my best to support his wife through this

Song of the day: shed your skin- indigo girls

wolf creek is finally here

and i am sooooooooooooo nervous and unsure!

in some ways, i am real young emotionally, and this is one o those places where my pride and ego make me want to lash out or defend myself...

i used to really trust the majickal professor, but now, i am all twisted and tied up inside, and unsure how i can make this weekend (and the four still yet ahead)a learnign and growing experienc ewhen i am still angry and embarrased

im scared the professor will stare at me from the side again, as she has always done, because i dont want her looking at me, she gave such an ugly point of view on who i am

but then im scared she wont be looking at all- or even worse, that i will be just like everyone else...

this first weekend is about relationships, and i am supposed to take time and journal on what relationships it is time to end, which i want to nurture and give energy too, how i can be in right relationship...and i just want to hide hide hide- as i feel like i am a relationship that has been ended, and it leaves me feeling sour...

breathe in, breathe out, i am waiting until the end of this weekend to make a decision on the rest of the program, and this time i gave her no warning on my thinking, as before, i let her know where i was (i thought i was being respectful) and it is not what she wanted (she acted like i thought it was her reponsibility to fix it, or change my mind)...

i guess ill can do is embrace my ambivilance and let be what will be

Song of the day:

jose padilla- you could be him!

ive spent the night in jail (for a bench warrent on a failure to appear in court, as i had gotten a ticket for expired tags in northern georgia, and then moved out of where i was living on not so good terms, so the ex-roomates didnt get my mil to me, and i had totally forgotten about the ticket entirely), and i, as a soft soul, found myself awake the entire night, pacing back and forth across my cell( i was alone, they kept me seperated from gen-pop, as i was a 19 year old white girl with a bench warrant from forsythe county, a very white county, and most all the inmates were black.... atleast that was my take.

i know that i have trust issues, but i think that for everyone, there is something about being locked behind bars, as its hard to trust that some people you have never met and who get paid to keep the public in line will remember that you are there and make sure you are cared for.

now the concern is even larger..... just for writing this post, the u.s. govenment can label me an "enemy combatant", say that i am sympathetic to the terrorist movement, arrest me and place me in a brig for years on end with no discernable legal representation or a clear understanding of why i am being contained- this is not an exaggeration, this is reality....it really could be me, and you!!

now i dont think its likely. it is no longer the '50's and there is no longer a "get the communist jew", such as when what is happening to padilla happened to the rosenbergs (also held -and convicted and electrocuted- on shaky grounds that did not really meet the burden of proof) but at the same time, does anyone remember john walker lindh anymore?

john walker linhd after arrest...reminds me of abu grahb-i see no wya in which this typr of treatment will increase real answers


the only thing that keeps the american governmental system working is that americans have been willing to risk their lives for their freedoms

Song of the day:welcome to the jungle- guns and roses

water!!

it is world water week in sweden this week, and i wanted to possibly increase awareness of this, as well as begin to bring katrina into conciousness (since its 2 weeks before the second anniversary)....

this is the 17th year that sweden has taken initiative to address the state of water in the world, and could be a good role model for the rest of the world in the future

living in america the cleanliness and availability of water is not very high on our priority list, i know, as all we need to do is go to the supermarket and by bottled water....and while we bitch about this current issue of "what is spring and what is purified and why am i paying for something that i can get for free from the sink", we rarely take the time to think about the state of this most needed natural resource.

as we read more and more about the extreme weahter that has been affecting the u.s. as well as the rest of the world, its time to consider what drastic climate change would mean for us

living on the great lakes, fresh water is a given in my world, but natural disasters have become increasingly severe, and the cost of aid and recovery has increased

i know that it is scary and uncomfortable to think about the ways weather change our world, but if nothing else makes you think, the amount of money the changing gulf stream will cost us should make you wnat to help change this trend of waste and non-responsibility!

Song of the day: the water is wide- traditional

heron

Song of the day: free bird- lynyrd skynyrd

have you got that spirit?

i want so much to be able to share the energy spending the evening at camp broughbt to me
we were invited to participate in the shabbat spirit circle, and so some of my old staff members brought back an old song "owadeya-owadum" and shared it with todays campers (and yes, back in the day, we all would spin around in circles with our pointer fingers in the air)... its nice to know we can still party for shabbat like a twelve year old.. anyhow, thats robin leading in the center and the two men leading with her are john, another drama specialist, and "apps" (the one in yellow)...really, i dont remember camp with out any of these wonderful people's energy , without their ruach...and im glad i got to share this with them as well

and there is no other way to say how i felt about camp then this quick vid i shot on robins camera


it is this energy that makes me want to study energy medicine...and as we showed our spirit (ruach) at camp by saying shalom, i show my spirit by passing on this moment of joy

Song of the day: have you got that spirit- a traditional cheer?

"have you got that spirit? yeah man
gonna keep that spirit? yeah man
have you got that spirit? yeah man
then show it with shalom!
shalom shalom, shalom, shalom shalom,"

a camp wise moment

just a quick camp wise moment, just to show that for all life changes, somethings never really change- from robin's camera of the noar moadone, which was the meetin place in the village for 8+9th graders
july 27,2007
and from my camera many moons ago, also known as some friday night during session I, 1990 (and those were my counselors, orna- an israeli scout- and jodi b. sitting in front of the noar shower house...only now they built showers into each individual cabin so no more noar showerhouse)

Song of the day: not by might - debbie friedman

...speaking of which, where are the videos robin?

energy medicine

i have recently become interested in "energy medicine". its strange since ive never been one for the new age movement,or mandalas and auras and chakras and crystals....but the more i read about energy, the less flakey it sounds and the more i am understanding that the eastern philosphies are very subtle and take time to work....everything anti-american, so its not surprising the movement gets such a bad rap...and there is nothing magical about it..in fact, its more natural then 85% of the things i spend my time on...

i intend on going deeper, and if it turns me into a new age freak, well, oh well, you know?

...it is after all, just sacred geometry....

energy medicine resources:
NIH
energy medicine institute
wikipedia
innersource

Song of the day: sometimes- michael franti

C.W. shabbat....and for robin, who noticed i havent been posting

this year is the 100th anniversary of camp wise, and to calebrate this milestone, the camp has been havoing alumni weekends, each shabbat getting a decade and this week was the 1980's weekend (i was a cw kid 1986-1993)....i forgot to take my camera, and was going to wait until others sent me their photos to post about it,but dear robin has been saying things to me about my absence (in person and here on my blog) so i took this picture in the jcc parking lot of the name tags we made and will post again when i have more pictures...it was good to be back, at this home away from home, and while some things were different, the core experience was the same, and us old fogies had even more ruach then the current counselors....and as far as that is concerned, i truly cant believe my mother was willing to send me away every summer to be watched by a bunch of children, as really, the staff seemed as young as the older campers (but mom, i am so greatful that you did let me go, it allowed me to have that strong, needed experience....)

Song of the day: bim bam-traditional

my favorite, lake chad (forgive the sarcasm)

Water find 'may end Darfur war'

Getting enough water is a major struggle in Darfur
A huge underground lake has been found in Sudan's Darfur region, scientists say, which they believe could help end the conflict in the arid region.
Some 1,000 wells will be drilled in the region....Analysts say competition for resources between Darfur's Arab nomads and black African farmers is behind the conflict.

"Much of the unrest in Darfur and the misery is due to water shortages," said geologist Farouk El-Baz, director of the Boston University Center for Remote Sensing, according to the AP news agency.

"Access to fresh water is essential for refugee survival, will help the peace process, and provides the necessary resources for the much needed economic development in Darfur," he said.

The team used radar data to find the ancient lake, which was 30,750 km2 - the size of Lake Erie in North America - the 10th largest lake in the world...The discovery is "very significant" Hafiz Muhamad (said)..."The root cause of the conflict is resources - drought and desertification in North Darfur."...He also said that it has long been known there was water in the area but the government had not paid for it to be exploited....

...ive said for over a year that darfur had something to do with lake chad. truly, outside of america and the western world, survival is the biggest motivator, and water is a key factor for survival, in irrigating crops, in keeping clean, in keeping livestock around....

hess posed that sending in digging equipment ten years ago would have averted the ntire conflict and saved hundreds of thousands of lives, and i mentioned to him that i searched for anyone else who thought water was involved in the crisis and found nothing, so im glad it is finally on the table as an option, it gives more to focus the interventions on

some sudanese history
back to lake chad
lake chad again


Song of the day:

Sesame Street - J for Jew - part 2

i have no idea what to think about this...i got it from hess, and he says that someone took old nazi propaganda and matched it up with discolored muppets....he says its not antisemetic, but im not entirely sure about that...there are two more parts that i may post as well

let me know what you think!

7/17/07 check out the next part at havecoffeewillwrite...the more jew hate i hear, the more i feel fear in my gut.l...hess's point is that things like this still happen, like rwanda and darfur, and that byu using "muppets" it shows how ridiculous genocide is and will start conversation

but hearing what my grandparents had to hear when they lived in europe, and what they had to live with day in and out- the fear, the self loathing, the sadness...

song of the day: dona dona (or "Dos Kelbl", the original yiddish title)-author unknown

a wellbutrin story

my neurologist started me on weelbutrin while i was sick...the ms episode had re-escalated, and she felt an anti-depressant would help.

i talked with my favorite psychiatric nurse at work this week, as i dont really feel better on this medication, ive actually become more high strung, and am moving faster then normal even, and elaine, the nurse, says to me "i dont know what your neurologist was thinking, wellbutrin raises the energy level, and you are already a high-energy person molly"

elaine gave me the name of a psychiatrist, and told me to discontinue the wellbutrin and see this doc. at her first available appointment instead...

i already feel a little better, by cutting the dosing in half (though hess says im less tearful, maybe ill just keep things at half dose until i can see the psychiatrist)...

Song of the day: allergies- simon and garfunkel

the prophet jeremiah

The Prophet Jeremiah i dont know why the prophet jeremiah has recently come into my field, beyond a co-worker who is currently taking a theology class and talking of the bible alot....i understand more and more why people are drawn to the stories of religion, as jeremiah, in his extrodanry experience, rings so familiar to me, much as the story of jesus, job, ruth does...its about living and being human

Main article: Jeremiah
The Prophet Jeremiah that the book describes was a priest from Anatot in the land of Benjamin, who lived in the last years of the Kingdom of Judah just prior to, during, and immediately after the siege of Jerusalem, culminating in the destruction of Solomon's Temple and the razing of the city by Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon.

The book of Jeremiah depicts a remarkably introspective prophet, a prophet struggling with and often overwhelmed by the role into which he has been thrust. Jeremiah alternates efforts to warn the people with pleas for mercy until he is ordered to "pray no more for this people" -- and then sneaks in a few extra pleas between the lines. He engages in extensive performance art, walking about in the streets with a yoke about his neck and engaging in other efforts to attract attention. He is taunted, put in jail, at one point thrown in a pit to die. He is often bitter about his experience, and expresses the anger and frustration he feels. He is not depicted as a man of iron. And yet he continues.

Song of the day: by the waters of babylon- dwight armstrong

"by the waters of babylon, we laid down and wept for the zion"

when nature breaks the laws

haha, amusing for the morning

Robber disguised as tree hits N.H. bank Sun Jul 8, 2:54 PM ET

MANCHESTER, N.H. - Leaf it to New Hampshire, where a bank branch was held up by a man disguised as a tree.
Just as the Citizen Bank branch opened Saturday morning, a man walked in with leafy boughs duct-taped to his head and torso, and robbed the place.

"He really went out on a limb," police Sgt. Ernie Goodno said Sunday.

Police said the leafy man didn't saying anything about having a weapon, just demanded cash, and was given an undisclosed amount.
Although the branches and leaves obscured much of the man's face, someone who saw images from the bank's security camera recognized the robber and called police.
Officers said James Coldwell, 49, was arrested early Sunday at his Manchester home and charged with robbery. Arraignment was not expected until Monday.

Song of the day:take the money and run- steve miller band

Tales from Gestalt - Episode 12: Is the CEO a Klingon?

ok, so it really has nothing to do wqith my gestalt, but since there is the organizational side to the gestralt institute, i believe that this is a consulting firm that uses gestsalt techniuqe *and sense of humor) to address energy needs

medicare, what to do

so ive been covering for one of the social workers at the hospital, and will continue to do so for two more weeks. the hardest part of this, for me, is that everytime i come into cover, the rules that govern the hospital have changed. this time it is a new medicare policy that adds extra paperwork for me when i dont have enough time to get everything done as it is (the unit is already understaffed, and the doctors get angry at me for not getting the patients out faster, but i will not comprimise the level of care i give to meet beaurocratic demands)...

the new policy allows patients to appeal their discharge from the hospital, which in theory i agree with, as sometimes i think people are d/c'ed before they are ready, but on the other hand, neither the patient nor medicare are responsible for paying for the days while the appeal process takes place, and the hospital must eat the cost (and people are amazed at the situation in california regaurding patient dumping, but its rather logical- unethical, but logical)

anyhow, i cut out the meat of this new policy and have pasted it here

Revised Notification of Discharge Appeal Rights

...CMS published a final rule changing the requirements for notifying inpatients about their hospital discharge rights.... The most noteworthy change in the final rule is the substitution of a revised “Important Message from Medicare” (“IM”) beneficiary notice of non-coverage in place of the additional generic notice that CMS had proposed. The final rule also expands prior law requiring hospitals to provide a notice of non-coverage only when the beneficiary disagreed with the discharge decision.

oh and i divided it up into sections to make it feel a little more managable :)

Standardized Notice of Discharge
The notice must contain the following information:

the beneficiary’s rights as a hospital inpatient, including the right to benefits for inpatient services and for post-hospital services;
the beneficiary’s right to request an expedited determination of the discharge decision, and an explanation of that process and alternative appeals procedures;
a description of the circumstances under which a beneficiary will or will not be liable for charges for a continued stay in the hospital...Under the final rule, a beneficiary may submit a request for expedited review of a discharge decision to the applicable Quality Improvement Organization (QIO) in writing or by telephone no later than the day of discharge....Under the final rule, the failure to make this request in a timely fashion may result in beneficiary liability for the services. When the QIO notifies the hospital that the beneficiary has requested expedited review, the hospital must provide a more detailed read of the policy, her eis a pdf containing the following information: pdf for details

and finally

Notably, the new rule has no effect on the existing policy regarding the financial liability for a patient’s extended stay during a review. CMS still considers such costs to be hospital operating costs covered by the overall diagnosis-related group payments.

Song of the day: theyre coming to take me away- napolean xiv

Buttermilk Biscuits: old school mix-a-lot

sir mix-a-lot, posse on broadway days

.....fun song

Sesame Street - Cripple Creek

another buffy moment...its one of my favorites (all though this version is a little fast)

spider

Check out this video: Spiders on Drugs...



Add to My Profile | More Videos
one of my favorite videos when i need a good laugh...couldnt resist sharing (ps mom, youd hate this)

Song of the day:kiss off- violent femmes

a daily affirmation

a friend of mine passed this on to me, and thought others may find it worth taking in....enjoy

From: Tian Dayton's Daily Affirmations [mailto:tian-affirmations-return-@tiandayton.webbie.net]

"A Full Human Being"
I am willing to pay the price of personal and spiritual growth.
Confronting the situations both within and outside that frighten me is
not easy-it can feel terrifying, sometimes almost life-threatening. But
today, rather than bemoan my fate, I will reach deep down into myself
and look for something good. I will be sustained not only by courage but
by a sort of goodness, a trust in life, a willingness to think that if I
stay with it long enough and well enough, things will work out. I could
give up on living fully, but I feel that if I did, I would regret it.
Trouble and suffering are a part of the human condition. Once I accept
that I am in a position to look for my rewards where they are most
likely to be found-not in the world but in my relationship to it - I can
move closer to spiritual living.

I have a loving relationship with living.

Teach me, like you, to drink creation whole And, casting out, my self,
become a soul.
Richard Wilbur

Song of the day: all you need is love- the beatles

sicko!!

i went with hess to see sicko last night, and once again michael moore has managed to bring truth and shock to another overwhelming situation

while over the top in some places (as moore is so good at doing), one older british interviewee put it best in his description of democraacy

democracy, he said, is the most rebellious idealogoy there is- giving power to the people, giving people the vote

right now as americans, i think we may feel helpless, hearing things about rigged elections, but just as the british people decided to provide healthcare for everyone...its not socialism its humanism...

it embarrases me that hospitals are put in a position that they feel a need to dump patients on the side of the road, it embarrases me that we are the 37 best countyr in healthcare despite the amazing medical community and inordinate wealth of the u.s.

song of the day- come to my window- mellisa etheridge

Throwing Muses - Counting Backwards

kristen hirsch and tonya donnely back in the day

laws effective july 1

so virginia has raised the price of speeding tickets to outrageous levels through a new state law that allows to pay for road repairs without raising taxes (folks, tawes are not always a bad thing)...i wonder how virginians will feel as this new policy unfolds, and drivers going 5 miles over the limit wind up with $1000 fine....

here are some other new laws across the country that went into effect on the first...what do you think about the, whether the good the bad or the ugly??

from: Virginians Face $3,000 Traffic Ticket, by Dennis Cauchon, USA Today
Posted: 2007-07-01 15:18:05

Drunken Driving: Wyoming bans open containers in vehicles. South Dakota expands a program that requires repeat drunken drivers to check in at jails twice daily for breath testing. Supporters say it reduces jail costs and allows people to continue working, support their families and stay sober.

Health: New York City bans trans fats. Massachusetts' sweeping health care insurance law takes full effect, with everyone required to have health insurance — either with state help or purchased privately.

Children's Health: California bans soda sales on school campuses during school hours, and puts new limits on sugar and fat content in school food. Florida starts a one-year pilot program to test randomly for steroid use among high school athletes participating in football, baseball and weightlifting.

Cervical Cancer: Indiana schools must tell parents of sixth-grade girls about the link between human papillomavirus and cervical cancer, and about the availability of a new vaccine. North Carolina also requires schools to tell parents about the disease and the vaccine. Nevada requires insurers to cover the new vaccine.

Sex Education: Colorado bans abstinence-only sex education in all schools (except for one district), requiring schools to teach sex education based on scientific research and to include information on contraception.

Energy: Nevada and Minnesota encourage conservation and alternative energy. North Dakota begins a temporary tax break to spur the drilling of more oil wells in an area called the Bakken geologic formation.

Sex Offenders: Virginia requires convicted sex offenders to register their e-mail addresses with the state. Nevada forces certain sex offenders to live at least 1,000 feet away from schools and other places children gather. Connecticut creates a new crime for those who abuse a child under 13 that carries a 25-year prison sentence.

Showing ID:Tennessee requires everyone who buys beer at a store to show identification, regardless of their age.

War and Veterans: Minnesota provides state education assistance to veterans, or family members of dead or disabled veterans. Idaho limits protests at military funerals. Florida bars commercial use of names or pictures of service members without their permission or their families' permission, if they are deceased.

Immigration: Georgia's tough anti-illegal immigration laws kick in, requiring public employers with 500 or more employees -- and any contractors -- to verify that all new hires are in the country lawfully. The state also checks to make sure that anyone over age 18 who is receiving benefits is in the country legally. Idaho requires proof of legal residency for most forms of public assistance.

Abortion: Women seeking abortions in Georgia must be given a chance to see an ultrasound image of the fetus and listen for a heartbeat. In Mississippi, an abortion provider must perform a sonogram and give a pregnant woman the chance to listen to the heartbeat.

Minimum Wage: Illinois, Michigan and Pennsylvania were among the states that raised their minimum wage.

Sexual Orientation:Gays and lesbians are protected by Iowa's civil rights laws. Vermont bars discrimination against people who change their genders or discrimination based on whether they present themselves as a man or a woman.

Medical Marijuana: New Mexico legalized the medical use of marijuana. Rhode Island made permanent its medical marijuana program, which was to expire June 30. Vermont expanded the use of medical marijuana from only those with terminal diseases to those with some chronic diseases, too.

Song of the day:

to dream

very enjoyable and peaceful

hat tip to dreams and dreamscapes

remembering the road: sxsw -march 20, 1995

we drove 22 hours from atlanta to austin with a few hundred dollars and a box full of mix tapes just to see the indigo girls production of jesus christ superstar, sally and i did- we were pulled over on a back road in eastern texas by cops in cowboy hats who werer sure we were off to mexico to buy drugs and spent two hours searching my brand new car, and since i was not aware of my rights, it was what it was...ofcourse, i can never go back to texas since i got a ticket and never took care of it. i definitly never want to spend the night in a texas jail!
anyhow, we could not attend anything else at the sxsw since we were underage, so there is not too much to say about the actual event of sxsw, but they made a video of the show that daemon records put out (now out of print) and while i am not on it, sally is, dancing to the last song of the show in my red and white checkered seventies polyester button down shirt (which she still wears)...

there was something really evocative about jesus being played by a woman, true, but amy and emily had no chemistry playing jesus and mary respectively, and because of that it really lost the edge having a woman play jesus could have had if that spark had been there...

...we ran out of money, did not have enough to make it to atlanta, and some guy gave us a hundred bucks to get home...not enough for a hotel so we found a denny's and intended to fall asleep in shifts in the booth...but we met a blue haired punk who took us home with him and gave us the two bean bag chairs in the living room to bed down on...we joked that in a way, it was a strange kind of early adulthood manger to happen on...

Song of the day: pilates dream-gerard mchugh(pilate/jesus christ superstar)

a piece of "adam and eve"- ani difranco

adam and eve
i suggest that if you have never heard the album "dialate" you give it a listen, for you can find true emotion in every song....for me today, the true grief in ani's voice while she sings these words speaks for me and my heart...

....You rhapsodize about beauty
And my eyes glaze
Everything that I love is ugly
I mean really, you would be amazed
Just do me a favor
It’s the least that you can do
Just don’t treat me like I am
Something that happened to you

I am truly sorry about all this

You put a tiny pinprick
In my big red balloon
And as I slowly start to exhale
That’s when you leave the room
I did not design this game
I did not name the stakes
I just happen to like apples
And I am not afraid of snakes

I am truly sorry about all this...

So I let go of the ratio
Of things said to things heard
And I leave you to your garden
And the beauty you preferred
And I wonder what of this
Will have meaning for you
When you’ve left it all behind
I guess I’ll even wonder
If you meant it
At the time

Song of the day: adam and eve- ani difranco

Mika Brzezinski of MNSBC rips Paris report

to a truly rebelious woman

...thank you for bringing sanity back to the world

thanks jeff

Take Action against Hate Crimes

to let your voice be heard
HRC take action against hate crimes

three feathers

close to the end of my class with the majickal professor, i found three feathers on the sidewalk between the mandel school at cwru and the '25 cents for fifteen minutes' parking lot at the corner of ford and mayfield.

it seemed significant at the time, and i named the three feathers after the three qualities i felt were most important in that class, for that fall (from left to right); responsibility, integrity and humility


...i struggled with humility the most, going on a dictionary hunt that brought me to the realization that both humility/humbleness and humiliation (mortification)come from the same latin root, and i hate feeling humiliated more then anything else.

so last week, i was walking around doan brook at shaker lakes and i came upon three feathers in the middle of the path.

reponsibility, humility, and integrity indeed....

Song of the day: crucify- tori amos

"every day I crucify myself
Nothing I do is good enough for you
Crucify myself
Every day I crucify myself
And my HEART is sick of being in chains"

what are your hopes for cleveland's future?

even in th is country, where taxes are currently not high enough to pay for what we buy, i often feel frustrated in the choices that are made in this city reguarding taxing and business. i want us to find a way to create an equal chance for the future of cleveland citizens, instead of catering to corporations in many ways, including breaks that are detrimental to us, and we need to take a stand.

the community that lives within cleveland, however, consists of struggling neighborhoods, failing schools, and urban abondonment as not just citizens, but also local businesses (including my own family's) move out to the suburbs, taking their jobs and tax revenue with them...

i feel like, our politicians are always building some kind of center around here, saying that it will boost the city and her citizens, but in the past fifteen years weve gotten the rock and roll hall of fame, gund arena, jacobs field (and yes, i know we payed for that with a sin tax-which also highly affected lower income people, but its the same idea)...and while all these places are nice, they have mostly brought minimum wage jobs replacing inionized factory work, and lets face it, that does little to raise the living conditions for residents living with the continuing downward slide of cleveland

from care2petition (thanks jeff)

Without asking voter approval, the Cuyahoga County Board of Commissioners appears poised to approve a 0.25% increase to the existing 7.5% sales tax in Cuyahoga County, whose citizens already endure the highest sales taxes in Ohio, while at the same time, has some of the poorest and over-burdened residents in the nation. In the proposal, the purpose of this increase is to build a new Convention Center and to attract Medical Mart to the community in an unproven effort to generate revenue for Cuyahoga County. The Convention Center and its funding have been controversial from the beginning with the public, and this is just a way for the Commissioners to circumvent voter approval. Additionally, other communities around the country, including nearby communities in Ohio (Columbus, Cincinnati) and in Pittsburgh, have required private contributions from companies who stand to benefit from publicly funded construction (examples: sports stadiums and Pittsburgh's arena/casino plan). Those who will benefit most are not the citizens funding the construction through the tax. As usual, it will be a small number of corporations who benefit. Instead of exacting the entire burden of the project on the public with an increase in the sales tax, we are asking the Commissioners to look at other possibilities for Convention Center funding, including asking those who will profit most from the Convention Center (Forest City, Medical Mart) to contribute private money OR put the sales tax proposal to a public vote.

Song of the day:

sea salt in the wound

i got a wolf creek email this morning, about astrology and sending the professor energy....and its like, the minimal amount of hard found healing was all to waste with this naturally occuring irritant to my hurt...i really hope i manage to build some sort of defense that will allow me to fulfill my desire of attending wolf creek without being overwhelmed by my feelings of embarrasment, guilt, loss, anger,hurt and bewilderment that one misunderstood interaction could cause such a big break in a relationship, because i am sobbing again thanks to this email.

ive made it through the "blame it all on the other guy" phase...i feel stifled though...everytime i try to talk about my responsibility in the situation with friends, they point out the professor's poor boundaries, say shes not really as sincere as she'd like the world to think, etc.etc.

well, ok, i would agree she has unclear boundaries, that is true, but theres nothing i can do about that....you know?

as for me, i am realizing that i dont want to take responsibility for myself, that is definitly part of the gestalt here- its a part of the gestalt of my life...i can see how that plays out in many different places...

i realize that i am not willing to let her (or anyone else for that matter) get away with hinting because i deserve to be told to my face....then im told to my face, but it wasnt said in the right way, with no intention of kindness and learning....she did give me hints (or maybe redirection would be a better word than hint), i see that looking back, and im a smart cookie, so i prolly had some idea of it in the moment as well but my stubbornness won out and i became pressureful- its really hard to sit here with the dichotomy of this feeling that the professor did a great disservice to me by not letting me know that i was getting too personal or whatever as time went on (her directness is what i most appreciate about her), and the need for me to take responsibility for myself, for demanding to know what was up, for pushing so much.....

it really is about me, and my inability to take what i am given without demanding something different or more (at least, i can find some sense of control by focusing there


Song of the day: shadow on the wall- band de soleil

so now the military is using a shady little trick to deny us soldiers needed mental health treatment.....by saying there was a personality disorder in existance before they entered into service, they are trying to say the ptsd some soldiers experience is a pre-existing consition. personality disorders are considered "axis 2" disorders, and like other non-changable conditions such as mental retardation, are never covered by insurance as they are considered inherent to the individual and not as a disease or treatable condition.

as i know very well, insurance has the right to deny treatment for pre existing conditions for up to a year....

one of the most interesting aspects of post traumatic stress is that it is considered to be the ONLY mental health condition that is entirely unrelated to internal disturbances, ptsd always involves a real-life unexpected stressful situation that puts strain on the brain
A National Center for PTSD Fact Sheet explains:
(by a.j. mahari

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or PTSD, is a psychiatric disorder that can occur following the experience or witnessing of life-threatening events such as military combat, natural disasters, terrorist incidents, serious accidents, or violent personal assaults like rape [childhood sexual abuse]. People who suffer from PTSD often re-live the experience through nightmares and flashbacks, have difficulty sleeping, and feel detached or estranged, and these symptoms can be severe enough and last long enough to significantly impair the person’s daily life.


PTSD is marked by clear biological changes as well as psychological symptoms. PTSD is complicated by the fact that it frequently occurs in conjunction with related disorders such as depression, substance abuse, problems of memory and cognition, and other problems of physical and mental health. The disorder is also associated with impairment of the person’s ability to function in social or family life, including occupational instability, marital problems and divorces, family discord, and difficulties in parenting.

the above article goes on to talk about ptsd and borderline personaltiy disorder or bpd. bpd often is present in individuals have a strong history of abusire and traumatic experiences....however, ptsd is not caused by the personality disorder. anyone can respond to situations with ptsd, and for each tour of duty a person spends in a combat zone, the likelyhood that the experience will result in ptsd increases....

i understand the military is broke. i understand that bush has not starved the government, but has instead traded social services for high tech highly expensive weaponry....but it is not appropriate to deny any soldier treatment for a condition they now have which is a direct result of combat in service to the protection of this country....

Song of the day: where have all the flowers gone- peter paul and mary

sadness

i cant believe how sad i am...

i dont know why i am putting this out there, i hate it, knowing that my mother will read this, but i need to be heard, and i dont think i am listening to myself right now

i fought with my therapist yesterday...nothing she said was right (a bad aspect of me) and she said "i dont know how to help you through this, and maybe it will actually be someone else who does"...and i flipped out

she pulled back, and said she was not telling me to go see someone else, but her cousin just kicked me to the curb for needing too much after denying that she wanted me to back off over and over....

but i wonder if its some kind of hint-telling me to move on, you know? (i know thats me...i hope thats me, and not real, but it seems like whats true this moment)

i also think the job loss was a bigger hit then ive been saying. i feel like i have no purpose, im bored, and lonely again, suddenly, all these friends i thought i had, they seem so far away, when in truth i can think of atleast three who would be there for me in a split second

i fear this place

i did stop taking neurontin a few days ago, and it seems like the spasticity has mostly let go though, so i will try and use that as a ray of hope, as pain has been a part of my experience for three months almost non-stop

...i met up with a guy from gestalt for lunch today (i never did get to talking about the most recent weekend, but it was the weekend that led me to the bold place i went with the professor, so i feel not too kindly about it right now).....he asked me "can you just let it be?"

but me, i have to keep trying to fill the space

unforgivable

so i am technically still supposed to do wolf creek, despite what happened with the professor....

only i dont know what comes next...i have no idea how to move forward in this relationship.

am i supposed to just go to the wolf creek night she said she would run for us to meet eachother since the first weekend was cancelled and pretend that nothing happened? can i sit there, knowing i have my own side and feelings, and not sharing it?

i feel like ive been a bad girl and i should just keep my mouth shut (in gestalt, that is called an introjection)...but everything is different now. i am so angry at her for not setting me straight sooner, and from a place of kindness and learning instead of....well i dont know what she was feeling, but i would guess anger, fear, grief, overwhelmed, exasperated.....it kind of feels like a betrayal.....i have trusted her ever since i heard her tell this guy julius that he has less power because he talks so much...i thought she would be real with me like that, and now i dont know what was true and what wasnt

i know i messed up, her mother has just died, and i can now see how inciting the word "crush" was (everyone keeps telling me i must have scared the crap out of her concerning legal stuff as she runs a self-help business) and i think some of the other words also could have been taken in a different way then i meant, and i hate that i pushed because i couldnt sit with ambivilance...

but i was struggling with my own need, still am...i really wish she had just told me what was straight up before i ruined everything (and im sure this is an exaggeration, but it feeld like that right now)...

i sent a little solstice card to her, and for the first time she said nothing back , confusing, as i figured this would be the type of communication she would want in this new world, and not the personal stuff....anyhow, i was not looking for an invite to her solstice, i am not ready to see her, i was just trying to keep things friendly...

i feel so much shame and have so many tears

Song of the day: silence

weight loss

yeah! the scale actually read under 190 pounds for the first time since early march....guess i finally got all the steroids out!

....now, to just reduce the weight of my spirit...

Song of the day: i want you (shes so heavy)- beatles

...but dont go talking my want in the wrong way now, like some other people...

turtle

what a cute turtle!!

Song of the day: turtle blues- janis joplin

orange crush- snapdragon

couldnt think of any other words to say
i dont know you well enough to feel this way....
but i felt you looking at me yesterday
and when i looked at you you turned away
how am i supposed to know the things im supposed to say

because i dont want tt tell you that i love you
i dont want to promise you tomorrow
i just want to tell you that i think of you
and it makes me feel all right

sometimes when the words come out to heavy
they can run you over like an eighteen wheeler
if your not looking, if your not ready
it can hit you harder than a freight train

i dont like the way it feels to be afraid
i dont ever want to scare you anyway
guess ill never say the one thing that i meant to say

i dont want to tell you that i love you
i dont want to promise you tomorrow
i just want to tell you that i think of you
and it makes me feel all right
i dont want to hold your hand and shiver
i dont want to hear you say my girlfriend
i just want to tell you that i think of you
and it makes me feel all right

Song of the day:orange crush- snapdragon

for you, and our different meanings

the problem with chinese merchandise....

is that china is much less restricted then america in both labor laws and health and safety guidelines

yes, its cheaper to buy when the products made in china but....

from the businees section of todays cleveland plain dealer, since april 11, 2007 almost two million chinese products have been recalled. this does not include the poisoned pet food that caused terror for pet owners, or the toxic colgate (hey jeff, doesnt a fourth of americans buy their tooth paste from walmart-where else can you get it cheaper)the recalled products include none other then....

1.95 million of these products were child toys containing high levels of lead or posing chocking or fire hazards-and not just any toys, but 1.5 million were thomas the train toys (lead paint)...a friends oldest son is a die hard fan of thomas (well, atleast he was until he discovered the teenage mutant ninja turtles)...he is not yet five and lead is most dangerous to children under six. the thought of him being exposed to lead is enraging...and i think of the kids i work with, and the massive behavioral and learning challenges they struggle with.....and maybe the cheap toys from china did it?

its time to go back to buying american- reduce the ever increasing gain of the ceo's and stock holders, provide appropriate living wages as well as above standard materials...we say its important to keep kids safe, well then, give their parents good jobs making safe toys ....

i know its just a fantasy, i dont know if that would really work at all, but come on, china is not only getting the jobs, their hurting our kids...

Song of the day: battle in seattle- the no wto combo

private embarrassment, difficult learning

it has been a rough week, learning about myself....

it was started by a misunderstanding with that majickal professor of mine, where my words were taken in a wrong way-im blushing shy around her in person, and this chick says to me while driving me home "there sure was a lot of weirdness when you guys hugged, but i know its hard to not be intimidatred by her" well, im not intimidated by her, and i certainly didnt want her thinking i was intimidated by her so i told her i have this little crush, which in mollys world means that i admire her so intensly i go straight to my head and feel dizzy and shy. i had just learned about a new defense mechanism in gestalt-it actually is a concept i think could work for my shyness-which i feel is real important to get over so as to fully take in what she has to give. but she heard crush and took it as i was hot for her...well, her exact phrase was "romantic feelings", which i took as a classier way of referring to sexual feelings, but its not about sex at all. its about spirit, and admiration....actually its funny, if you think about it, the woman is older than my mother- dont get me wrong, shes very attractive, but...

anyhow, she pretty much told me i wasnt special, not in class or in that early recognition we both had, and that im not a good friend of hers.....also interesting, as i never really considered us friends, let alone good friends...i did try to look at it that way, i didnt know how to know her if i rejected the idea of friends, but when people asked, my general response was "i guess you could call us friends, but i would say we are more strange and undefined"....shes a guide, a teacher...i feel like im supposed to know her, and powerful things will come from it (though i really wish this interaction had changed that for me, then i could just walk away, like i always do).......she told me i was too needy, needed to much time, energy, attention....i know i take alot of energy, i know im needy right now...ive said from the beginning to tell me to back off if i get to be overwhelming(i was hoping for nicely), give me a boundary, and she didnt until this whole crush thing.....

then my mother came to town. i needed help (needy, indeed) i needed help getting my life back together after having been so sick this spring. i was at work while she attacked my closets....i came home to so much storage space i said, "oh, no. now im going to have to fill it!!"

mom said "why is it, molly, that youve always needed (another appropriate use of the word) why have you always needed to fill any empty space you can find?"

very insightful of her, as its true, whether closets or relationships...its part of what happened with the professor...she kind of ignored the word crush, but i had to know where she was...i couldnt sit with my concerned curiosity so i had to push her....i had to fill the space.

gives me alot to think about, thats for sure

Song of the day: i do- edie brickell

"...and im filling in the negative space with positively everything"

talk about a great way to create a cold war...

Bush ready to meet Putin to improve ties
By JENNIFER LOVEN, Associated Press Writer

HEILIGENDAMM, Germany - President Bush said he hoped to convince Russian President Vladimir Putin on Thursday that their dispute over a U.S. missile defense system is not an issue "to be hyperventilating about."

ok, can we say that this is one of the most patronizing and dangerous things our president has ever said...

there was this "for better or for worse" cartoon my mother had hanging in the kitchen when i was a kid where the mother and son were fighting nd the son says to the mother "DONT GET YOUR PANTYHOSE TIED IN A KNOT!!"

to me, telling the president of Russia not to hyperventilate over a missle system that he will give no explanation for (and to be honest, ive been wondering what his intention is as well) is the equivillent of the sons statement to his mother....the son probably only ended up grounded....i wonder what the consequence of this inappropriate and uncalled for comment will be....


Song of the day: back to the ussr- the beatles

changes

wolf creek-a five weekend camping/commnity/personal workshop run by that majickal professor of mine (if you remember anything about her...and if not read how my blog got started)was cancelled for this weekend, and will be rescheduled....i wasnt ready to really say much about it until now, but....

the weekend was sposed to start at 10:00 am on friday, but the majickal professor's mother died at six am that morning.

for me, it really works out best. my left thigh and waist have again contracted,though thankfully the numbness is mild (knocking on wood). i started having problems on thursday, and was almost going to cancel myself, though i got to a place inside where i accepted i could still go, but would have to sleep inside as well as sit out many of the activities.

i received a notice with information on the funeral and shiva...it wasnt for me specifically, but everyone involved in wolf creek this year....i am going to the service but not the shiva, and that decision is based on a few things:
1. iwant to support someone who has been very supportive of me
2. i have never been to a shiva and dont know i want to
3. this is also my therapists aunt that has died and i need to make sure we both feel ok, and i think that shiva is a little too personal and private

i am definitly going to go though, in a bright dress and a supportive mood...

...i would email her in the middle of the night while i was sick, about my pain, my inability to sleep, about my loss (feeling loss, job loss etc...), and she always responded with her positive words, she never pitied me, she stood out from the soft eyes and sympathetic apologies so many people gave me (actually, r, you and k also were positive through my difficulties, not pitying me, and i appreciate it)


poem of the morning: runner at twilight-grace butcher

i move, shining, over dim hills.
the grass unwinds a blur of rivers
on the bottom of the night;
i cross with no bridges.
my hair is heavy with fog,
and my breathing is the force
that spins the universe.
there is more to the spectrum
than i suppesed:
beyond the violet are endless miles
of impossible colors.

-travel well, mrs. schloss