how this experience of gestalt, and meeting another who experiences his anger in his pelvis, learning my friend is taking care of herself as she ackowledges failing her children by drinking, masterbating and internet porn, reading my own words of trying to give myself a safe fertile space down at the polo fields yesterday morning to accept my groinal anger, i am turning more toward poetry.
how do i supercede the moment. when i think of poetry i have created that is successful, it has a universal quality to it, and i think i will work on crafting this piece, anger in the pelvis, as what i understand is that we are taught that sex is somehow seperate from everything else in life, and that having inappropriate sexual contact in early life can lead to a life long experience of sex being connected to the emotions of shame and anger.
years of therapy, discussing, reliving these experiences, yet running from really feeling that anger, crying from embarrasment even though no one can look at me and know i am feeling the moment in the pelvis, i think i might have finally found a way out.
unfortunately, i have tried to push it all down since the weekend, eating eating, gained seven pounds in three days- that was the first learned response to this abuse-eat and you will feel better
i ate my way to 300+ pounds and never felt any better... so i will write it this time, superceding my moment, i will try and be universal.
Song of the day: janie's got a gun- aerosmith
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