visions

some have called me strange for it
some have asked how i can know things
some tell me i am "thinking magically"
and only one could see me, and said so.

Edited 10/7/06- i took this down because i thought that i wrote this instead of an email that needed to be written, but by taking it down, i put away other important moments and connections and so i put it back up despite hsving sent my email with a few additives for any of you who read it in the brief moment it was up yesterday...

my friend robin used to do this relaxation technique for all us campers (she was a counselor) to fill up days taken over by the summer rain, and i would follow her voice, feel the colors she gave me in my spine, my arms resting heavily- left on heart, right on solar plexus- robin tells me how she used to dream lucidly and project astrally , and that technique was how she led herself to the seperation of conciousnous from body...i cant do that intentionally...

i never know when it will hit me, it isnt anything i can control, but i just know sometimes, when plans will change, when someone is thinking about me, etc. etc.... sometimes i am in the middle of someone elses moment, hearing the rain hit their canvas on a beached campsite while watching the snow flake on my roof... it tisnt supernatural, its just trusting Self.

keep it secret keep it secret, its what i was always told (i think mum had a similar way of viewing the world when she was young, and had a lot of trouble for it...), told to keep it secret, use it, but subtlety, dont ever approach it head on. i have friends that will read this and scoff, i have friends who will read this and nod, but i am tired of hiding things, and its on my mind.

ive been told spirituality is faith in god, or going to church, temple. ive been told that spirituality is my emotional reaction to my reality (but i dont think anxiety is all that spiritual, and that is definitly one emotional reaction i have). ive been told spirituality is meditation, or a pretty picture, or great sex.

my spirituality is my knowing, and it is also my biggest chain. sometimes i cant seperate what i believe from what "You" believe- sometimes i cant feel "You" and i panic..;..i guess all there is to do is grow grow grow.


Song of the day: sahara groove- hossam ramzy