Thursday, October 19, 2006

systems: the effect of child abuse

thinking alot about systems right now, about how our galaxy is a system, wondering the effect a missing planet (such as saturn) would have on the rest of this solar system, and on how my friend's decision (i am going to call her sadie) to keep abuse secret has eroded a system i am a part of.

if i could hear one responsible word out of her mouth, my experience would be very different. so far, she keeps drinking- this is just another excuse for her to hate herself and numb out...not that i am not guilty of this, like i said, my eating has been out of control... but i dont know how to help her right now... i dont know if i want to help her. i want to yell at her, tell her she has no right to play a victim, she is actually one of the victimizers, i told her she is forgivable -i dont really know if i believe that- i told her i am still her friend- i dont know that i can be- i love her children, saw her through all her pregnancies, except the despised 12 year old-who i dont really hold responsible, he needs help- but sadie keeps refering to him as evil... i have changed their diapers and helped them start the morning, taught them my camp songs and gave the baby girl my childhood dollhouse...

i am looking inside of myself for a place where i can meet sadie at this point. jeff tells me to support her the best i can, andy feels its time for me to contact the kids paternal grandparents or georgia's department of families and children (dfac)... which is an interesting option. sadie's 8 year old has been telling his teachers stories for years, that his bruises are from his parents- i can speak to this in that i watched the kid run right into a door, but then he seemed to forget that i was there when the bruise happened and told me later his dad had hit him- and dfac has investiated the home more then once... i think maybe they now view the 8 year old as one who invents stories

but i think he has known for a couple of years already that his parents are doing drugs in the "smoking room", they certainly teach em quite young what pot is and signs of use, but of course dfac took the smoking room as a good thing since it means the parents are keeping their cigarette smoke away from the kids...its to bad they did not look deeper.

so how does one save a system?

Song of the day: with or wthout you- u2


Anonymous said...

The way I think of it is al-anon or nar-anon. Difficult, difficult situation. In your supporting Sadie, I support you. I'm here to listen to your anger and frustration. We need to go on a walk. (R)

molly said...

thank you, its good to know youre there...but its rather wet for walking right now...though if its not pouring, id say its still warm enough...

Rev. Rumble Fish said...

Sometimes a system must not be saved but broken in order to affect a greater and deeper change.

If "Sadie" allows these things in her home, if she allows her children to be exposed to this disaster, then she is just as at fault as if it were her very own hand that was laid against the children of that home. Therefore you are right in not allowing her to be claim "victim."

Yet you stand at a difficult crossroad. I sense a desire to rescue on one hand. In the other hand I sense a desire to step away; a doubt upon the effectiveness of intervention at this juncture.

My first challenge in this is for you to truly search out your soul. Is there a wrong that can be made right? Can you initiate the unmaking and unravelling of this grievous wrong? At what cost?

My second challenge in this is to recognize the risk to you. Is your involvement in all this destructive to you? Are you bearing weight that does not belong to you? Are you killing yourself in vain?

Never forget the humanity and the compassion in this situation.

All in all, you can only do the best you can with what little you have. You will have to sit and count the costs, and then act accordingly.

I send you my best hopes and prayers.

Blessed Be This Sacred Journey,


molly said...

oh no! not more challenges...kidding...kind of.

i appreciate your imput, rumblefish (i realy like that as a nick name)

i think you hammered my ambivilance right on the head. there is little i can do and i know that, and i am torn on whether to remove saturn (me) from the solar system or not.

honestly, remaining in relationship with sadie (that was her stripper name back in the day...yes, she was a stripper), remaining in relationship with her has been a struggle for a number of years, but remembering her potential and my love for her children glued us together.... there is no longer potential that i can see, now i only see a selfish, frightened woman...and that scares me

Anonymous said...

On a less deep note: Let's go on a "walk" - but do it at a coffee shop....Haven't seen you in almost 2 weeks, and I am missing you.

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