"If you are here because you feel sorry for me, you are wasting your time, but if you are here because your life and destiny are linked with mine, then we will make a difference..." - Elizabeth Penashue, an Innu elder
i wrote the astrologer a poem, although i didnt mention her at all, just the knowledge she imparted, and she wrote back that i can't help myself but to write my emotion- the moment i was born, neptune, the king of metaphor, in his mad poetic insanity was courting both venus and the moon (unsung poets, both) and venus fell madly in love with neptune and swore never to speak with the other orbs in the sky again if she could help it, a rare occasion,
and so the venus heart shines only through neptunes symbolism
i dreamt about my teacher again last night (which is now you in the psyche) and the dream panned a close-up on teacher (you) and she said "don't you get it yet?" and i had a clear picture of why i write you poetry so often
the poetry i share with you, what i write that is inspired around you, it comes because you use yourself, you become the change you want to create, and so you are not just the astrologer but the astrology reading as well its not really about you, the teacher-its about the internal experience, its about change
and those poems, people connect with them you have said numerous times that you dont want to connect, you want to know how you affect and there it is, you are muse, changes bring about poetry that changes things for others- and there is nothing wrong with that nor does it mean you are different then others in my life and yet, i get the idea that its not what you wanted
too bad. i will let you know how i was inspired (affected) by what you have given me and what you do with that is up to you
Song of the day: whistling song (dont know the title) -mike from ohio
i wanted to belong to a women's group...and i wanted it to be the way i wanted it, full of different types of people, like gestalt is, in a ".there is absolutely no reason many of us would have ever met, except we happen to be in the same training program" type of group. we had talked about the desire to ave a more regular gathering of women the weekend brooke medicine eagle was in town, but i really wanted it, so i sent out an email to the women i know that i felt comfortable trying out my facilitating skills with....
i sent an email explaining why i wanted to do this, abnd sent the link to about 30 women, thinking in the long run, the four i was closest with would be the ones to actually reply....
i have heard back positively from 14 women, and only one asked me not to keep her informed cause she just wasnt interested in it. this is overwhelming me a little, i fear my own authority
so now here i am, putting alot of energy into arranging a gathering-where, when, yada yada yada- for women that live as far eaast of me as bloomfield as far south as colombus, as far west as 26 miles, but i am grateful that there is a lake direct north (its one less thing to think about)- and totally unsure what this will be about now, getting so lost in the logistics (its too bad my friend leigh anne just moved to texas, she would love to do this part for me)
but i will just keep breathing (and doing my best not to lose my temper at the ones who feel pressureful in attempt to make it more convenient for them)... oh, and by the way, let it be known that i am aware that i have been known to be the one that pressures...my mother would call this sweet justice, lol
even the stars know it, that her life is meant to be a bumpy, jerky, start-stop motion-lurching toward some undefined future, and not a smooth safe-sailing type of priveledged design most mothers dream up for their children.
no, no
even the stars know, and told, of how the cloistered affair between venus and neptune keeps the woman-heart secret and the Woman alone.
i saw the movie "idiocracy" last night with luke wilson and maya rudolph...it didnt seem like something i would like, but it turned out to be a sartical look at a world that we are quickly heading towards if people dont remember why its important to learn, to be outside, to read for enjoyment and knowledge (and not just for the "is your man cheating?" quizes in cosmo)
there is nothing wrong with knowing things, there is nothing wrong with thinking about things- truly, it givesz you power....and i really believe the wealthy and powerful are greatful that the lower classes are becoming mindless masses again....it creates a field where they are free to take and exploit
....just head over to havecoffeewillwrite and read jeff hess' continued coverage on the current walmart openeing in cleveland ohio....6000 people applying or three hundred low-skill, minimum wage jobs is a sign of both a lack of educated employees for higher skilled businesses and the desperation of a dying city (since even my family moved the business out to solon, making it difficult for inner-city clevelanders -as my grandfather always had in the warehouse-making it difficult for them to get to the shop...)
just a few shots till i can get the album together
ex and current tenants (chi, debbie and andy) and random others i didnt know a crowd shot andy;s brother David and the god-dess lorraine Song of the day:
leadership -for little one and g. and for the one who feels she has nothing else to teach me
i see you, i do, watch you draw wheels in the soil planning for the hour or crisis ahead, and even though youve said "dont follow me" i parrot you, i do, arrange a circle of stone on the table, i look for direction, -just this subtle inflection- a prayer to change course.
ok, gotta work today and tomorrow, so i will be brief until wednesday, but this weekend we worked on building an experiment with a client to help bring clarity around a dilemma through polarity and how it keeps the client from getting what they want...i personally, am a little unclear on the difference between the thematic experiment and an awareness experiment, except that almost everything you do in a gestalt session has the flavor of an awareness experiment, its the job of the facilitator to help the client see themselves....and the thematic experience involves "fattening the figure" , which i would discribe as putting more energy into one specific aspect/person, making it as large as the room
oh, and hess, the theme in gestalt was desribesd as "distilling the essence of a dillemma", asnd the dilemma is always a polarity...very flakey, i know, but when you work with it, it makes sense, you just need to open the body to it, feel it in your bones and you gut
my friend alex and i set up this medicine wheel tonight, though i am tired and do not feel like running over the whole thing tonioght, i will add text tomorrow....
....i kn ow i said i would write text, but its the first day of a gestalt weekend, ive already overslept, need to get to the bank so as to have quarters for parking, need to dress to the nines because i have a meeting at weahterhead over at case western reserve university with a gender and diversity professor in the organizational behavior program...theres more, but telling you why i dont have time to write this morning is taking up an awful lot of time
Song of the day: circle round the wheel- brooke medicine eagle
there is a nest of lady bugs that llive beneath the front stoop of my apartment building...i dont think ive ever seen anything quite like this before...ofcourse, most people arte barely noticing that they are swarming around and keep stepping on them....totem-wise the ladybug is a message of renewed joy in life (and thank god, i crave joy, but have been surrounded by sorrow and resentment)
Song of the day: you never get over it- ladybug mecca
Sunday, November 11, 2007
so my mother calls me this morning, so sad! she finally had gotten tickets to see "cyrano" on broadway, and she and her friend get to the theater yesterday afternoon to.......a darkened stage, the hands had gone on strike. its going to be a rough entertainment season this holiday, and it will involve loss for most us folks (it makes me sad that episodes of real time with bill mahr are now repeat only, since its a live show there are no saved up fresh ones to be aired)....
kudos to the stagehand's union; we seem to have forgotten the importance of the power of workers united, REAL WORK FOR REAL WAGE!!.
so back in september, i cycled with the full moon....ive never much payed attention to my period in relationship to the moon before, but i had a workshop in early october where we talked about our "moon time" alot, and the facilitator mentioned how all women used to cycle with the new moon- that it is a powerful time for vision
now, i know her ideas among her own community are very unpopular-she is an assortment of cultures, but mostly centers herself in her native american ancestory- she says she designates a great amount of her time to finding information on the "ancient women's way", stating that when the europeans came in and occupied, a few boys were taken into the wood and taught the old indian ways, but that nothing was passed down through women, no girls were taken away from the invaders and hidden in the woods such as some boys were, and she does her best to piece together a picture of the womens life- she believes mopst of the great visions of tribal people came through the women from their time in the womens losdge every month, that the combination of menstruation and the new moon is highly powerful
so i decided i wanted to cycle with new moon instead of the full and despite my very regular, 28 day cycle, have managed to be early for the past tweo months and today, the first day of the second to last new moon of the year, i have
someone sent this to me earlier this week, and i found so much hope and desire inside of myself when i saw it....and since i woke up crying again this morning, i thought i would pin it up
so thank you to my elders
Song of the day: "The Predatory Wasp of the Palisades Is Out to Get Us!"-sufjan stevens
There are only two groups of people who would appear to have the capacity to move against Gen Musharraf and arrest him.
One is his immediate subordinates in the army, including the heads of the intelligence services.The other is the corps commanders who constitute the second tier of the leadership of the military.
Gen Musharraf's position depends on the personal loyalty to him of those who serve him and also the institutional loyalty of military men to their chief. On both counts, the odds looked stacked well in favour of Gen Musharraf.
The only positions from which it looks as if a coup could be organised are those of the deputy head of the army and the chiefs of two intelligence services, the Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI) and Military Intelligence (MI).
Gen Musharraf has handpicked his top men
The present holders of those posts were hand-picked by Gen Musharraf, apparently on the basis of his understanding of their loyalty and competence.
now, i have hope that our military would rise up if something like this happened here, but of course, now our military is not only countered by, but actually is incorporating a private security firm that has, in the past, disarmed out military in iraq....its very, very concerning...privitization is NOT the answer in very case.
Bear in mind that Richard Armitage had served as Assistant Secretary of Defense for International Security under the Reagan Administration. "He worked closely with Oliver North and was involved in the Iran-contra arms smuggling scandal." 16
In many regards, the pattern of Bush Junior appointments replicate the Iran-Contragate team of the Reagan and Bush senior administrations:
and
Published on Thursday, October 16, 2003 by the Los Angeles Times General Casts War in Religious Terms The top soldier assigned to track down Bin Laden and Hussein is an evangelical Christian who speaks publicly of 'the army of God.' by Richard T. Cooper
WASHINGTON — The Pentagon has assigned the task of tracking down and eliminating Osama bin Laden, Saddam Hussein and other high-profile targets to an Army general who sees the war on terrorism as a clash between Judeo-Christian values and Satan.
Lt. Gen. William G. "Jerry" Boykin, the new deputy undersecretary of Defense for intelligence, is a much-decorated and twice-wounded veteran of covert military operations. From the bloody 1993 clash with Muslim warlords in Somalia chronicled in "Black Hawk Down" and the hunt for Colombian drug czar Pablo Escobar to the ill-fated attempt to rescue American hostages in Iran in 1980, Boykin was in the thick of things......
I knew my God was bigger than his. I knew that my God was a real God and his was an idol." Lt. Gen. William G. ‘Jerry’ Boykin, speaking about battle with a Muslim warlord Yet the former commander and 13-year veteran of the Army's top-secret Delta Force is also an outspoken evangelical Christian who appeared in dress uniform and polished jump boots before a religious group in Oregon in June to declare that radical Islamists hated the United States "because we're a Christian nation, because our foundation and our roots are Judeo-Christian ... and the enemy is a guy named Satan." Song of the day:
by Mary Earlier this week, Chris Hedges wrote about how deeply embedded the evanglical Christian movement had become in the Pentagon and the military. Chris warns that it is particularly dangerous for the military to be so strongly associated with the Christian Right, and it is even worse that this is happening while there is such a strong suspicion on the part of the Muslim world that the United States was waging a religious war against Islam. And he warns that having a large continguent of the military proclaiming fealty to the Christian Right movement is particularly worrying.
The drive by the Christian right to take control of military chaplaincies, which now sees radical Christians holding roughly 50 percent of chaplaincy appointments in the armed services and service academies
it scares me that we have become so religious in our representations, and that the military is now heavily weighted with bush's so called "base"....i dont want to believe that our military would allow this, but with blackwater and religion, all is fair game, i guess
i have always been greatful that we do not have coups in this country, but if president bush decided on the second of january, 2009 to declare martial law (much like our ally in pakistan) he could easily pull out blackwater and overpower our own military if they tried to rise up...a must see and a must read
from wired World's Most Notorious Merc to Oversee Blackwater? By Noah Shachtman October 31, 2007 | 1:59:11
The New York Times is reporting today that the Department of Defense is taking control of the State Department's convoys of security contractors, like Blackwater. The Pentagon already coordinates its outsourced security details through a single, Defense Department entity, the Reconstruction Operations Centers, which tracks movement of security convoys.......But here's the interesting twist: The Reconstruction Operations Centers are themselves outsourced, through a recently renewed $475 million contract to the British firm Aegis. And Aegis is run by the infamous old-school gun-for-hire, Tim Spicer. He's the guy, you may recall, who tried to use his mercenary army to launch a counter-coup for the government of Sierra Leone; his associate, Simon Mann plotted the overthrow of the authorities in Equatorial Guinea. Later, in Iraq, one of his ex-employees circulated online a rather nasty “trophy video,” in which contractors are seen shooting at civilians.....
i really miss andy this morning.....i think that sundays will be hard for awhile.....i do my injection on sundays, a chore that has much long term implications but brings little satisfaction in the moment, in the short-term of things....i used to balance that with the knowledge that andy and i would have about an hour guaranteed together, for that fatherly support and attention (since my own dad was such a bust)....robin has been practicing on an orange, so she can be involved in my injection, and it will be nice to know that someone else is going to learn how, since there are weeks where i cannot stomache the thought of sticking a needle into muscle.....but right now, i just miss andy
so cnn may be ignoring this truth (i cant find mention of it....of course, thwey dont have a well mapped world news section, such as the bbc does), but a small band of monks have resumed their protesting despite the junta's crackdown
since have coffee will write has done such an excellent job of gathering together many different sources for the continued struggles in myanmar/burma (to ackowledge all that live within the borders), i have pretty much kept silent on the issues at hand(rooting out protesters, detaining large masses of monks, continued increase in energy costs, etc...) but i did need to shine light on the continued courage and integrity of the monks
i stopped into the diabetes association to see roseanna's best friend, ms. johnson (or suzanne, but we all call her ms. johnson)....i ofcourse increased the level of sobbing as soon as i saw her.....but she did let me know that andy has been cremated,so no more concern that he is sitting in a freezer....as that was a worry of mine....a little gory and blunt, i know, but its how i cope
so this morning, a few hours shy of finally having a therapy hour,this morning i finally had a strong cry.....the first since andy died.....i kind of took it out on hess,stomped off after sitting in front of him crying for almost ten minutes....im sure he thought it was because he hurt my feelings, and in a way it was, i really needed a friend, and instead he took my statement of, i dont want to argue over this right now as me being full of hot air and not wanting to own it....but in truth, we were talking about quantum physics, and i was holding the intangibility of grief and the idea that if nobody observed my grief, then it was without meaning....i just couldnt verbalize it, i just sat in the coffee shop sobbing while strangers approached thetable,telling methere was nothingto cry about, saying thingswould be ok, and hess just typed away
now, 10 minutes from a therapy hour, i realize i woke up with such loss at four am, did yoga, tried to care for self.....but loss is loss, and its going to hurt....and that sucks
ok, first, youngstown mayor, jay williams, is an interesting politician....he has some wonderful ideas, focusing on working with what he has in youngstown instead of trying to recreate the city's history....he focused on community and economics of the region, until the interviewer asked about his future in politics, moving up to state polotics and then the dreaded social issues, where he said stright out abortion and gay marriage are against his beliefs and that while he believes in free choice and doesnt believe in discrimination, he would vote in a way that is syntonic with his beliefs....so basically if the right to abortion came up, he would vote against it, and he would vote against gay marriage as a state or national level figure.....mind you, mr. williams is a democrat
as for akron, sounds liike they have jumped on the medical mart idea themselves....im pretty sure i read that fact, but some how, hearing discussion around it really made clear the ways in which akron is grasping at opportunities while in cleveland, my self included, we whine nervously and make a little rant on the incredible poverty issues....
and to peter lawson jones...if you really want to retain people with fututes in this city, then focus more on family interventions for cleveland public school children......helping only the child is not enough, as they are a reflection of their families, as are we all
Song of the day: my city was gone- the pretenders
"I WENT BACK TO OHIO BUT MY CITY WAS GONE THERE WAS NO TRAIN STATION THERE WAS NO DOWNTOWN SOUTH HOWARD HAD DISAPPEARED ALL MY FAVORITE PLACES MY CITY HAD BEEN PULLED DOWN REDUCED TO PARKING SPACES A, O, WAY TO GO OHIO"
yesterday was my birthday....it was hard not to think about the fact that andy probably had a birthday card sittingin a drawer ready to give to me.... his wife, roseanna, jeff jaros and i stopped by briefly wednesday night to see her....her brother called while we were there
she doesnt like her brother, but she decided to give him all the gory details of the day...later, as jeff and i talked, we decided that it was easier for her to share with us what happened by telling her brother while we listened...she didnt have to look at us by doing it that way....i know that i will never forget the picture she described, but i will also not pass on the image to anyone else
the phone rang yesterday, and it was roseanna....she had a terrible cold, which explains why nothing is happening- no obituary in the paper, no plans for the memorial.....she called and said "hi molly, thanks for checking in on me.....i looked at the calendar and i see its your birthday and i would come out and play with you if i wasnt so sick"
i lit yortziet for andy this morning......16 hours late, but....
he was a childless father, and i was one of the many fatherless children (albeit the favorite...though i guess he could have said that to everyone-not) who was blessed to have him love me, teach me about unconditional love, and i am so greatful that we were always honest with eachother- he died knowing that i waclear on his feelings for me, and i am positive that he knew how much i loved him....
English translation Transliteration Aramaic / Hebrew 1 Exalted and sanctifiedb is God's great name.a Yitgaddal v'yitqaddash sh'meh rabba יִתְגַּדַּל וְיִתְקַדַּשׁ שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא. 2 in the world which He has created according to His will B'ʻal'ma di v'raʼ khiruteh בְּעָלְמָא דִּי בְרָא כִרְעוּתֵהּ 3 and may He establish His kingdom v'yamlikh malkhuteh וְיַמְלִיךְ מַלְכוּתֵהּ 4 may his salvation blossom and his anointed near.ad [v'yatzmach purqaneh viqarev (Ketz) m'shicheh] וְיַצְמַח פֻּרְקָנֵהּ וִיקָרֵב(קיץ) מְשִׁיחֵהּ 5 in your lifetime and your days b'chayekhon uvyomekhon בְּחַיֵּיכוֹן וּבְיוֹמֵיכוֹן 6 and in the lifetimes of all the House of Israel uvchaye d'khol bet yisraʼel וּבְחַיֵּי דְכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל 7 speedily and soon; and say, Amen.a b'ʻagala uvizman qariv v'ʼimru amen בַּעֲגָלָא וּבִזְמַן קָרִיב. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן The next two lines are recited by the congregation and then the leader: 8 May His great name be blessed y'he sh'meh rabba m'varakh יְהֵא שְׁמֵהּ רַבָּא מְבָרַךְ 9 forever and to all eternity. l'ʻalam ulʻal'me ʻal'maya לְעָלַם וּלְעָלְמֵי עָלְמַיָּא 10 Blessed and praised, glorified and exalted, Yitbarakh v'yishtabbach v'yitpaʼar v'yitromam יִתְבָּרַךְ וְיִשְׁתַּבַּח וְיִתְפָּאַר וְיִתְרוֹמַם 11 extolled and honored, elevated and lauded v'yitnasse v'yithaddar v'yitʻalle v'yithallal וְיִתְנַשֵּׂא וְיִתְהַדָּר וְיִתְעַלֶּה וְיִתְהַלָּל 12 be the Name of the Holy One, blessed be He.a sh'meh d'qudsha, b'rikh hu. שְׁמֵהּ דְקֻדְשָׁא בְּרִיךְ הוּא. 13 beyond (and beyondc) all the blessings l'ʻella (ulʻella mikkol) min kol birkhata לְעֵלָּא (וּלְעֵלָּא מִכָּל) מִן כָּל בִּרְכָתָא 14 and hymns, praises and consolations v'shirata tushb'chata v'nechemata וְשִׁירָתָא תֻּשְׁבְּחָתָא וְנֶחֱמָתָא 15 that are spoken in the world; and say, Amen.a daʼamiran b'al'ma v'ʼimru amen דַּאֲמִירָן בְּעָלְמָא. וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן The half kaddish ends here. Here the "complete kaddish" includes: 16 eLet them be accepted: the prayers and supplications Titqabbal tz'lot'hon uvaʻut'hon תִּתְקַבל צְלוֹתְהוֹן וּבָעוּתְהוֹן 17 of the entire House of Israel d'khol bet yisraʼel דְּכָל בֵּית יִשְׂרָאֵל 18 before their Father in Heaven; and say, Amen.a qodam avuhon di bishmayya, v'ʼimru amen קֳדָם אֲבוּהוֹן דִּי בִשְׁמַיָּא וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן Here the "kaddish of the rabbis" includes: 19 Upon Israel and its rabbis and their students ʻal yisraʼel v'ʻal rabbanan v'ʻal talmidehon עַל יִשְׂרָאֵל וְעַל רַבָּנָן וְעַל תַּלְמִידֵיהוֹן 20 and upon all their student's students v'ʻal kol talmidey talmidehon וְעַל כָּל תַּלְמִידֵי תַלְמִידֵיהוֹן. 21 and upon all those who engage in the Torah v'ʻal kol maʼan d'ʻos'kin b'ʼorayta וְעַל כָּל מָאן דְּעָסְקִין בְּאוֹרַיְתָא. 22 here and in all other places di b'ʼatra haden v'di b'khol atar v'ʼatar דִּי בְאַתְרָא הָדֵין וְדִי בְּכָל אֲתַר וַאֲתַר. 23 may they and you have much peace y'he l'hon ulkhon sh'lama rabba יְהֵא לְהוֹן וּלְכוֹן שְׁלָמָא רַבָּא 24 grace and kindness and mercy and long life chinna v'chisda v'rachamey v'chayyey arikhey חִנָּא וְחִסְדָּא וְרַחֲמֵי וְחַיֵּי אֲרִיכֵי 25 and plentiful nourishment and salvation umzoney r'vichey ufurqana וּמְזוֹנֵי רְוִיחֵי וּפוְּרְקָנָא 26 from before their Father in Heaven [and Earth]; min qodam avuhon di vishmayya [v'ʼarʻa]e מִן קֳדָם אֲבוּהוּן דְבִשְׁמַיָּא [וְאַרְעָא] 27 and say, Amen.a v'ʼimru amen וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן All variants but the half kaddish conclude: 28 fMay there be much peace from Heaven, Y'he sh'lama rabba min sh'mayya יְהֵא שְׁלָמָה רבָּא מִן שְׁמַיָּא, 29 [and] [good] life [v']chayyim [tovim] [וְ]חַיִּים [טוֹבִים] 30 and satiety, and salvation, and comfort, and saving v'sava vishuʻa v'nechama v'shezava וְשָֹבָע וִישׁוּעָה וְנֶחָמָה וְשֵׁיזָבָה 31 and healing and redemption and forgiveness and atonement urfuʼa ugʼulla uslicha v'khappara וּרְפוּאָה וּגְאֻלָּה וּסְלִיחָה וְכַפָּרָה, 32 and relief and deliveranced v'revach v'hatzzala וְרֵוַח וְהַצָּלָה 33 for us and for all His people Israel; and say, Amen.a lanu ulkhol ʻammo yisraʼel v'ʼimru amen לָנוּ וּלְכָל עַמּוֹ יִשְֹרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן. 34 fHe who makes peace in His heights ʻose shalom bimromav עוֹשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם בִּמְרוֹמָיו, 35 may He [in his mercy]g make peace upon us hu [b'rachamav] yaʻase shalom ʻalenu הוּא [בְּרַחֲמָיו] יַעֲשֶֹה שָׁלוֹם עָלֵינוּ, 36 and upon all [his nation]h Israel; and say, Amen.a v'ʻal kol [ammo] yisraʼel, v'ʼimru amen וְעַל כָּל [עַמּוֹ] יִשְֹרָאֵל וְאִמְרוּ אָמֵן.
In a little more than 24 hours the doors open on the Steelyard Commons Wal-Mart. At 8:36 a.m. on 19 May 2005 citizens who opposed that store came together and turned the lights on at No Cleveland Walmart
so today afteenlightenments second birthday, and to celebrate, i have decided to repost my original three posts. i think this will also help remind me what i was aiming for in starting up, as its hard to always keep the objective (intention) in mind.
i have this eastern saying stuck in my head, have for weeks now.
Before enlightenment, i chopped wood and carried water; after enlightenment, i chopped wood and carried water
I start this blog to stop fearing my power as an individual and a voice, and promise free poetry, political fodder, a number of tempertantrums (i'm sure) though not on any time table.
....but i have to figure out how to do this first.
Posted by molly at 13:53 1 comments Links to this post
if you know me, know that i will start a post off with "do not read this so and so" if its in your best interest not to (ok, mom, so you wont have to know how mad or bad i've been)- my suggestion is that you dont read it.
my change, it all started with a college class i opted to take to better understand the natural chaos inherent to working within multiple systems. sounds so scholarly, right? well, instead of being given simple textbook work that charicterizes my graduate program's curriculum, i was thrown into a boiling hot cauldron of a work load (99 percent internal and scalding) with an ecentric and majickal professor stoking the fire.
an education rarity is all i can say. following suit of 'no child left behind', our higher institutions are quickly losing the creative aspects that i thought our parents had fought to give us. and now he that giveth taketh away.
i go to higher level private university, i pay over thirteen thousand a semester (or sallie may has, for the moment), and i will graduate having taken only one course that truly stretched, twisted me as a person, moments i was willing to suffer through because i could feel that butterfly flapping her wings as my being absorbed new knowledge.
just wanted to share
Posted by molly at 15:03 0 comments Links to this post
yup.
Song of the day: sacrad ground- brooke medicine eagle
International Aid ― A Solution Quick Summary: Almost all of the deaths from hunger and disease that you see on this site can be stopped. The cost to do this is about $195 billion a year, according to the United Nations. Recently, 22 developed countries listed below pledged to work towards each giving 0.7% (a little less than 1%) of their national income in international aid, which would raise the $195 billion. Some countries are slow to meet their pledge. 2006 International Aid Donated (Official Development Assistance) COUNTRY For each $100 earned in the country, how much is donated in aid Aid as % of income How close the country is to reaching the 0.7% goal Sweden 103 cents 1.03 Already reached goal Luxembourg 89 cents 0.89 Already reached goal Norway 89 cents 0.89 Already reached goal Netherlands 81 cents 0.81 Already reached goal Denmark 80 cents 0.80 Already reached goal Ireland 53 cents 0.53 Scheduled to reach in 2012 United Kingdom 52 cents 0.52 Scheduled to reach in 2013 Belgium 50 cents 0.50 Scheduled to reach in 2010 Austria 48 cents 0.48 Scheduled to reach in 2015 France 47 cents 0.47 Scheduled to reach in 2012 Switzerland 39 cents 0.39 No schedule yet Finland 39 cents 0.39 Scheduled to reach in 2010 Germany 36 cents 0.36 Scheduled to reach in 2014 Spain 32 cents 0.32 Scheduled to reach in 2012 Canada 30 cents 0.30 No schedule yet Australia 30 cents 0.30 No schedule yet New Zealand 27 cents 0.27 No schedule yet Japan 25 cents 0.25 No schedule yet Portugal 21 cents 0.21 Scheduled to reach in 2015 Italy 20 cents 0.20 Scheduled to reach in 2015 United States 17 cents 0.17 No schedule yet Greece 16 cents 0.16 Scheduled to reach in 2015 Source: OECD
...and notice that while greece has given less then us, they have at least voiced a date for meeting their tzedaka commitment...
Activists send female underwear to Burmese embassies
Martin Hodgson
Friday October 19, 2007
Activists exasperated at the failure of diplomacy to apply pressure on Burma’s military regime are resorting to a new means of protest against the regime’s recent crackdown: sending female underwear to Burmese embassies. ...
visit the site to read more...its pretty interesting
i donated my girliest pair to the cause, red and silky, just to rub it in a little more than necessary ... hat tip to hess for the heads up
Song of the day: lucy stoners- amy ray
"In every post punk bar there's a dressing room wall where the rockboy band will make it's mark- one hundred different pictures of private parts and some girl going down. And there's that faggot bashing poetry but the boys are just saying 'love me please.' In every hate filled phrase they just give it away.. boys, you give yourselves away "
(what different attitudes we have culturally, but its all the same....yes?)
when i was real sick, jackie sent me some wolf creek readings, and through those readings, i wrote some pretty inspired poetry, but sometimes, i feel that my writing, since i make no money at it, is a waste of time, is disrespected by others, is not meeting the expectations that the world has for me...but then someone reminds me why i use this gift of storytelling, in what ever form....
growing up, girl, with passion, passion for the swing set early on-yelling "louder! louder!" little sandled feet pumping as father pushed harder, harder- correcting girl, he said "higher, you mean to say, higher, you want to go higher!"
but girl knew better, cause she could hear- she heard Wind chilly and clear in her ear, drumming "make me louder! make me louder!"
the response
Molly, I had a swing in my back yard when I was little, and if I pumped just hard enough to go high enough, I could get my whole face right up in the lilac tree and be surrounded by the blossoms, with their softness and incredible smell. I was told my whole life to shh, not so loud. And yes, I did want to go higher, but I also had, and I mean HAD, to be louder. Just to be me, just to be normal, just to be true to my self. And I am learning with.....you about the OKness of being just as loud and high and fully my self as I want to be. Wow. I am so lucky.
....while knowing where the chain of influence is not necessary in life, i do like to see the circle of things sometimes...how by interacting with her sun, jackie became a sun for others (well, for me at least) and then i became a sun for this responder who can now be a sun for someone else...my heart feels full right now
Song of the day: circle with in a circle- brooke medicine eagle
sure enough is a snake with feathers quetzal, a type of bird and coaatl meaning serpent....but its an aztec god, not an incan god and i am sure i learned about this at some point in elementary school or something...
....i am hunting normalcy the romantic quest to better myself to be like others and liked by others and i must do what i must do
regardless i am sure i will feel better when i reach the planet normal...
this just in according to my scientific poll ...don’t look out, but listen in..
ok so it wasn’t really scientific kinda saw it on a bumper sticker on the back of a semi next to the bossom babe mudflaps who knows what it means to him
damn could it be normality is up to me
ok, then i’ll give it a shot wanted warm friends with soft hearts who live love smile big cry long and who are willing to be just be
so wouldn’t it be great if as friends you can be, and I can be
a feather came floating out of my freezer when i went to get some ice...i mean, it must have found its way in with the ice packs after i went camping, but i really did wash everything off well....i thought
hess says i should look up quixicotal (spelling?), that he was an ancient incan spirit, kind of like a worm with wings...i think i will have to
hmmm...well, since scar tissue is the sign that i am showing on the mri, im not sure how helpful to me this will be (i hope to never have brain shrinkage, and take mymeds religiously), and im not sure how i feel about money being spent toward cheaper illness progression tracking instead of ways to slow and even stop as well as reverse progression, but hey, any advertisement/informationct of this illness is better then no advertisement/information...and the equipment for the eye scan costs less then 1/20 of an mri machine (no joke)so even in canada, youll be able to get your ms checked more often, just have the doc look into your eyes
hess and i got in a conversation this morning about the most recent school shooting which took place right here in our town, the same school system in which i was working this year. two things made the meat of this conversation at first, why wasnt asa coon in a juvenile mental health facility instead of free in the schools to address his rage (and for some reason, though hess wants me to write about it, i am hesitant to address the current lack of beds for adolescents, and my concerns around minors on adult units....of course it may have something to do with learning that an aquantance supposedly lost her job in a hospital system because they found her blog and did not appreciate the things she said about her employer and the medical system on it)and how does race play into the media coverage of this shooting
then we talked about the rend of school shootings, which of course brought up columbine as the mother of all school shootings
this brought up alot for me, as i am unclear on why columbine is the one always cited- was it because it was the largest number of dead? because it was conspiracy versus the lone shooter? how about because it is the first time middle-class, white america felt they had a stake in this type of phenomenon?
University of Texas at Austin massacre - Austin, Texas, United States; August 1, 1966 Orangeburg Massacre - Orangeburg, South Carolina, United States; February 8, 1968 Kent State shootings - Kent, Ohio, United States; May 4, 1970 Jackson State killings - Jackson, Mississippi, United States; May 14-15, 1970 California State University, Fullerton Library Massacre - Fullerton, California, United States; July 12, 1976 Brenda Ann Spencer, Cleveland Elementary School - January 29, 1979 Parkway South Junior High School shooting - Saint Louis, Missouri, United States; January 20, 1983 Stockton massacre - Stockton, California, United States; January 17, 1989 University of Iowa shooting - Iowa City, Iowa, United States; November 1, 1991 Simon's Rock College of Bard shooting - Great Barrington, Massachusetts, United States; December 14, 1992 Lindhurst High School shooting - Marysville, Californa, United States; May 1, 1992 East Carter High School shooting - Grayson, Kentucky, United States; January 18, 1993 Richland High School shooting - Lynnville, Tennessee, United States; November 15, 1995. Frontier Junior High shooting - Moses Lake, Washington, United States; February 2, 1996 Pearl High School shooting, Pearl, Mississippi, United States; October 1, 1997 Heath High School shooting, West Paducah, Kentucky, United States; December 1, 1997 Jonesboro massacre - Jonesboro, Arkansas, United States; March 24, 1998 Thurston High School shooting - Springfield, Oregon, United States; May 21, 1998 Columbine High School massacre - Columbine, Colorado, United States; April 20, 1999 Heritage High School shooting - Conyers, Georgia, United States; May 20, 1999 Santana High School - Santee, California, United States; March 5, 2001 Appalachian School of Law shooting - Grundy, Virginia, United States; January 16, 2002 Rocori High School shootings - Cold Spring, Minnesota, United States; September 24, 2003 Red Lake High School massacre - Red Lake, Minnesota, United States; March 21, 2005 Campbell County High School - Jacksboro, Tennessee: November 8, 2005 Platte Canyon High School shooting - Bailey, Colorado, United States; September 27, 2006 Weston High School shooting, Cazenovia, Wisconsin September 29, 2006 Amish school shooting - Nickel Mines, Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, United States; October 2, 2006 Henry Foss High School - Tacoma, Washington, United States January 3, 2007 Virginia Tech massacre - Blacksburg, Virginia, United States; April 16, 2007 SuccessTech Academy shooting - Cleveland, Ohio, United States; October 10, 2007
so in the hurry of the week, i did not get around to talking about anything at all....i actually worked yesterday, EGAD!! (no really, i picked up some week days over the next couple months so i will be a little more employed again)and ive been thinking about robin (ill call you tonight to see how youre doing), so the fact that i just camped and that i camp again this friday has been kind of side margained
one thing that came up at the brooke medicine eagle weekend: animal allies and visions
my animal ally was the earth worm, and we were broken up into small groups (the professor was in my group) and we each asked a question of everyone elses animal allies...i asked how can i have intention without destroying everything on the way (as seems to be the way it is working right now)and the professors ally (the praying mantis-what an odd interesting animal)and the praying mantis said i had been trying to walk but needed to fly. now, i was still struggling with this piece of advice- couldnt put meaning to it even though it made sense (i am a toe dipper, not a dive-right-inner), but then an intersting occurance came about...
my god father is healthy enough to do my weekly injections again, and while we were bonding after it yesterday, i disseminated the weekend for him, but walking home, i thought on how i didnt mention the professors advice, about flying, and i looked down just in time to see a feather, whole and large, on the urban sidewalk.
then walking to dinner, i was thinking about how strange that i should come across a feather while i was thinking about being told to fly when i came across yet another feather...but i accidentally left that one at the restaurant...
Song of the day: learning to fly- tom petty
"Well some say life will beat you down Break your heart, steal your crown So I started out for God knows where But I guess Ill know when I get there...
a friend's father died on monday....this is a first for me, and i wasnt sure what i, as a close friend, could do to lighten the load for my friend. she is the only girl of three children, and i am watching her stay strong and brave, trying to get everything set up.....i cleaned as much as i could on tuesday, and will be staying and setting up while everyone goes to the gravesite with two other women (who hopefully have more experience then me at shiva)
this past weekend, i did alot of thinking about the transition from girl to womanhood...it seemed to me that as a grew, there was little expectation that i take on new responsibilities...and i will talk more about this at another time, but we did some guided imagry of what it would be like if we lived in a tribal society and getting the first period was a very pronounced transition that brought new responsibility
so here i am, doing my best to be a strong friend, trying to take on as much as i know how to so as to make less work in this transition...and maybe i will join a temple, because i really have no idea what to do (thankful for my mother and hess, who are doing their best in guiding me to be helpful)
Song of the day: mourners kaddish- traditional prayer for the dead
i am still tired this evening, so i wont go into detail much, but this weekend was a workshop menat to replace our lost wc weekend from june...it was interesting and different. i had never heard of her before, really, but brooke medicine eagle is a native american spiritualist and healer, musician and story-teller (thought the stories almost felt like they got in the way sometimes)....i especially loved the music, as music goes directly to my heart
and that majickal professor, the one who has all that sun energy for me, the one who vacated the role of teacher, the one who said she has nothing else she could teach me- i see that brooke is a teacher for her, gives her sun energy....it was interesting to watch brooke and her interact, but i felt every modicum of embarrasment the professor felt when brooke called her on stuff, which i noticed twice...it felt vindicating in an uncomfortable way, and it also made me a little annoyed with brooke in a "dont mess with my teacher!" kind of way...well except for this one time, brooke corrected the professor in service of me...then i felt relieved that it was being said by someone the professor would hear out...and i do think something has shifted between the professor and me again, but what it is, i will not even guess at
Song of the day: grandfather fire- brooke medicine eagle
