wolf creek III: a photo essay

for robin
sue ellen and judy at the tents
sunrise over the pasture
preparing for the sweatlodge
dragonfly standing out of a swarm

Song of the day: back to the earth- rusted root

gone camping

gone camping, be back monday

Song of the day: run through the jungle- ccr

quetzalcoatl

sure enough is a snake with feathers quetzal, a type of bird and coaatl meaning serpent....but its an aztec god, not an incan god and i am sure i learned about this at some point in elementary school or something...

Song of the day:

excerpt from "in search of normalcy"- dan cavanaugh

....i am hunting normalcy
the romantic quest
to better myself
to be like others
and liked by others
and i must do what i must do

regardless
i am sure i will feel better
when i reach
the planet normal...

this just in
according to my scientific poll
...don’t look out,
but listen in..

ok so it wasn’t really scientific
kinda saw it on a bumper sticker
on the back of a semi
next to the bossom babe mudflaps
who knows what it means to him

damn
could it be
normality is up
to me

ok, then
i’ll give it a shot
wanted
warm friends
with soft hearts
who live love
smile big
cry long
and who are willing to be
just be

so wouldn’t it be great if
as friends
you can be, and I can be

of the day

another feather?!

a feather came floating out of my freezer when i went to get some ice...i mean, it must have found its way in with the ice packs after i went camping, but i really did wash everything off well....i thought

hess says i should look up quixicotal (spelling?), that he was an ancient incan spirit, kind of like a worm with wings...i think i will have to

Song of the day: indus-dead can dance

hows my ms? just look into my eyes!

Simple eye-scan test could track progress of MS

hmmm...well, since scar tissue is the sign that i am showing on the mri, im not sure how helpful to me this will be (i hope to never have brain shrinkage, and take mymeds religiously), and im not sure how i feel about money being spent toward cheaper illness progression tracking instead of ways to slow and even stop as well as reverse progression, but hey, any advertisement/informationct of this illness is better then no advertisement/information...and the equipment for the eye scan costs less then 1/20 of an mri machine (no joke)so even in canada, youll be able to get your ms checked more often, just have the doc look into your eyes

Song of the day:

the shock doctrine: well said, ms. klein

Song of the day: white house blues- caroline aiken

school shootings:it didnt start with columbine

hess and i got in a conversation this morning about the most recent school shooting which took place right here in our town, the same school system in which i was working this year. two things made the meat of this conversation at first, why wasnt asa coon in a juvenile mental health facility instead of free in the schools to address his rage (and for some reason, though hess wants me to write about it, i am hesitant to address the current lack of beds for adolescents, and my concerns around minors on adult units....of course it may have something to do with learning that an aquantance supposedly lost her job in a hospital system because they found her blog and did not appreciate the things she said about her employer and the medical system on it)and how does race play into the media coverage of this shooting

then we talked about the rend of school shootings, which of course brought up columbine as the mother of all school shootings

this brought up alot for me, as i am unclear on why columbine is the one always cited- was it because it was the largest number of dead? because it was conspiracy versus the lone shooter? how about because it is the first time middle-class, white america felt they had a stake in this type of phenomenon?

from wikipedia

Well known shootings
United States

University of Texas at Austin massacre - Austin, Texas, United States; August 1, 1966
Orangeburg Massacre - Orangeburg, South Carolina, United States; February 8, 1968
Kent State shootings - Kent, Ohio, United States; May 4, 1970
Jackson State killings - Jackson, Mississippi, United States; May 14-15, 1970
California State University, Fullerton Library Massacre - Fullerton, California, United States; July 12, 1976
Brenda Ann Spencer, Cleveland Elementary School - January 29, 1979
Parkway South Junior High School shooting - Saint Louis, Missouri, United States; January 20, 1983
Stockton massacre - Stockton, California, United States; January 17, 1989
University of Iowa shooting - Iowa City, Iowa, United States; November 1, 1991
Simon's Rock College of Bard shooting - Great Barrington, Massachusetts, United States; December 14, 1992
Lindhurst High School shooting - Marysville, Californa, United States; May 1, 1992
East Carter High School shooting - Grayson, Kentucky, United States; January 18, 1993
Richland High School shooting - Lynnville, Tennessee, United States; November 15, 1995.
Frontier Junior High shooting - Moses Lake, Washington, United States; February 2, 1996
Pearl High School shooting, Pearl, Mississippi, United States; October 1, 1997
Heath High School shooting, West Paducah, Kentucky, United States; December 1, 1997
Jonesboro massacre - Jonesboro, Arkansas, United States; March 24, 1998
Thurston High School shooting - Springfield, Oregon, United States; May 21, 1998
Columbine High School massacre - Columbine, Colorado, United States; April 20, 1999
Heritage High School shooting - Conyers, Georgia, United States; May 20, 1999
Santana High School - Santee, California, United States; March 5, 2001
Appalachian School of Law shooting - Grundy, Virginia, United States; January 16, 2002
Rocori High School shootings - Cold Spring, Minnesota, United States; September 24, 2003
Red Lake High School massacre - Red Lake, Minnesota, United States; March 21, 2005
Campbell County High School - Jacksboro, Tennessee: November 8, 2005
Platte Canyon High School shooting - Bailey, Colorado, United States; September 27, 2006
Weston High School shooting, Cazenovia, Wisconsin September 29, 2006
Amish school shooting - Nickel Mines, Lancaster County, Pennsylvania, United States; October 2, 2006
Henry Foss High School - Tacoma, Washington, United States January 3, 2007
Virginia Tech massacre - Blacksburg, Virginia, United States; April 16, 2007
SuccessTech Academy shooting - Cleveland, Ohio, United States; October 10, 2007

itll be interesting to learn more

Song of the day: gangsta's paradise- coolio

yet another feather message

so in the hurry of the week, i did not get around to talking about anything at all....i actually worked yesterday, EGAD!! (no really, i picked up some week days over the next couple months so i will be a little more employed again)and ive been thinking about robin (ill call you tonight to see how youre doing), so the fact that i just camped and that i camp again this friday has been kind of side margained

one thing that came up at the brooke medicine eagle weekend: animal allies and visions

my animal ally was the earth worm, and we were broken up into small groups (the professor was in my group) and we each asked a question of everyone elses animal allies...i asked how can i have intention without destroying everything on the way (as seems to be the way it is working right now)and the professors ally (the praying mantis-what an odd interesting animal)and the praying mantis said i had been trying to walk but needed to fly. now, i was still struggling with this piece of advice- couldnt put meaning to it even though it made sense (i am a toe dipper, not a dive-right-inner), but then an intersting occurance came about...

my god father is healthy enough to do my weekly injections again, and while we were bonding after it yesterday, i disseminated the weekend for him, but walking home, i thought on how i didnt mention the professors advice, about flying, and i looked down just in time to see a feather, whole and large, on the urban sidewalk.

then walking to dinner, i was thinking about how strange that i should come across a feather while i was thinking about being told to fly when i came across yet another feather...but i accidentally left that one at the restaurant...

Song of the day: learning to fly- tom petty

"Well some say life will beat you down
Break your heart, steal your crown
So I started out for God knows where
But I guess Ill know when I get there...

Im learning to fly"

setting up shiva; the importance of community

a friend's father died on monday....this is a first for me, and i wasnt sure what i, as a close friend, could do to lighten the load for my friend. she is the only girl of three children, and i am watching her stay strong and brave, trying to get everything set up.....i cleaned as much as i could on tuesday, and will be staying and setting up while everyone goes to the gravesite with two other women (who hopefully have more experience then me at shiva)

this past weekend, i did alot of thinking about the transition from girl to womanhood...it seemed to me that as a grew, there was little expectation that i take on new responsibilities...and i will talk more about this at another time, but we did some guided imagry of what it would be like if we lived in a tribal society and getting the first period was a very pronounced transition that brought new responsibility

so here i am, doing my best to be a strong friend, trying to take on as much as i know how to so as to make less work in this transition...and maybe i will join a temple, because i really have no idea what to do (thankful for my mother and hess, who are doing their best in guiding me to be helpful)

Song of the day: mourners kaddish- traditional prayer for the dead

the lost wolf creek weekend: meeting brooke medicine eagle

i am still tired this evening, so i wont go into detail much, but this weekend was a workshop menat to replace our lost wc weekend from june...it was interesting and different. i had never heard of her before, really, but brooke medicine eagle is a native american spiritualist and healer, musician and story-teller (thought the stories almost felt like they got in the way sometimes)....i especially loved the music, as music goes directly to my heart

and that majickal professor, the one who has all that sun energy for me, the one who vacated the role of teacher, the one who said she has nothing else she could teach me- i see that brooke is a teacher for her, gives her sun energy....it was interesting to watch brooke and her interact, but i felt every modicum of embarrasment the professor felt when brooke called her on stuff, which i noticed twice...it felt vindicating in an uncomfortable way, and it also made me a little annoyed with brooke in a "dont mess with my teacher!" kind of way...well except for this one time, brooke corrected the professor in service of me...then i felt relieved that it was being said by someone the professor would hear out...and i do think something has shifted between the professor and me again, but what it is, i will not even guess at

Song of the day: grandfather fire- brooke medicine eagle

gone camping, be back monday

Song of the day: bitterroot- indigo girls

andy and chi; a celebration

first opportunity to see andy since he got home from hpspital and chi is moving to chicago today....p.s., larry, i put these up for you

me chi and andy (can you believe how much weight he lost?)
andy, debbie and chi

mikes new boyfriend, mike and dierdra

jeff and chi

al

and then roseanna made me stop with the camera...she does hate when i catch her on film (or more correctly on digital chip)...she went kind of crazy with sherryr and grain alcohol last night...but we will let that story brew for awhile

great leaders march...

from: have coffee will write

...Great leaders march. Like Ghandi marched from his ashram to the sea to make salt and Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. marched from Selma toward Montgomery, Alabama to make History.

If the Dali Lama is truly a great leader he will stop praying and start walking.

I’m not sure where he ought to start from, but he needs to start. And he needs to keep marching until he reaches the border of Burma. And he need to keep walking until he reaches Yangon.

And you know what will happen as he walks?

Two people will join him. Then 20 more will join the march. Then 200, 2,000, 20,000 will march.

And by the time they reach the border there will be too many to stop. And even if every bullet is fired, there won’t be enough to stop the marchers.

to all the brave, tired souls in burma and around the world who keep on keepin on

Song of the day: all the tired horses- bob dylan

waning or perservering: its all about perception

the ap reports that the "hope is waning among protesters" for myanmar protesters while the bbc says that there are "New protests on Rangoon street"....despite three days of crackdowns on pro-democracy protests.", its amazing how perception can vary...or is it?

now if we are the country for freedom, doesnt it seem odd that our news reports certain failure while the british news brings forward the courage of the continued effort? all over right now, we hear and say our government and media are using psychology to get us to buy or believe, and here is just another example

people all over the world are protesting president bush, just like all over the world people are protesting the junta....it is too dangerous for the american people to feel encouraged by these protests, it brings to much rage and too many ideas, too much creativity...remember, it was once the streets of america that were flashed around the world on the evening news, fighting for our civil rights, fighting racism, fighting war.....do you see how they are trying to keep us down? ever hear of the term "mind fuckers"? oh, and i just heard about milton friedman and intend to learn and disseminate information on his ideas...as if we had ever bothered to learn about the past, we might have prevented the current direction of this country

and for anyone who didnt know, the entire bush administration the whole way through these eight years has been filled with the same people who worked with nixon- and i thought we all hated him and his ideas, that cheat, that thief!

Song of the day: the future is a war- Exene Cervenka

more truth from the bbc

Burma and Somalia have been jointly ranked by Transparency International as the world's most corrupt countries.......There is strong correlation between poverty and corruption, said Huguette Labelle, chair of the watchdog.

At the bottom of the table, ahead of Somalia and Burma, were Iraq, Haiti, Uzbekistan and Tonga.....read the rest here

Song of the day:

the bbc sure looks different....

i have not seen any photos from american news sources that show the magmnitude of what has really happened in myanmar...and is still happening according to bbc reports (though all the headlines over here say the junta has created quiet in the streets)

Song of the day: fixing to die rag- country joe and the fish

pretty cool

my readership since 7/4/07

Song of the day: popular- steven schwartz (from wicked)

something worth dying for?

i knew very little of the history of burma, but the current situation has my attention...

hess has a friend over there and while she isnt saying much on her own space, she has been keeping hess up-to-date, so i suggest you check it out

Song of the day: march of death- zac de la rocha

"i was born with the voice of a riot, a storm
lightening the function, the form
far from the norm, i wont follow like cattle
i'm more like a catalyst; calm in the mix of battle"

Gates seeks $190 billion for wars

read story here

Song of the day: killing in the name- rage against the machine

monks, the price of energy, and the seperation of church and state

YANGON, Myanmar - The government said its security forces opened fire Wednesday on demonstrators who failed to disperse, killing one person, and witnesses said police beat and dragged away dozens of Buddhist monks in the most violent crackdown in a month of protests in Myanmar...read the rest here

you know, the monks actually started marching in protest to the treatment of another monk, but when gas prices rose, the people came out to march along side, and they are now using this movement to try and change the unjust reality of rising living costs...and monks have the energy to devote to this type of movement, they have the spiritual resource to motivate The People

i wonder why here, in america, we can read about the increasing costs of energy this winter (and the fact that people making minimum wage will need to spend 20 % of their income on heat, where as the rich will only pay 3 %) and not care enough to hit the streets after reading about the violence some people will endure to fight the people who keep them down...and one thing i think of is the way churches and synagogues (and maybe other religious institutions) are now given government funds for their congregations....so to motivate their parishoners to fight against the things that keep them down is against their own best interest....because if i remember correctly, religious institutions were heavily involved in all the successful movements in the united states...ofcourse, bush now financially has say in what they do....the monks are not controlled by the goevernment at all...

we are none of us "entilted" to be rich, money is something we need to work for and fancy cars and big houses and cable t.v. are luxuries that we will not alll be able to have, but if youre working for your money (as i believe most people working for minimum wage are), then you have the right to demand that the cost of necessities be regulated or that fair wages be kept in line with inflation....it is ridiculous to me that the number of millionaires we have in this country has increased as much as it has because the POLARITY to that much wealth is increased levels of poverty (the money aint coming from nothing, its coming from us normal folks, our pockets, as the value of a ceo rises and the value of a worker is to outsource to countries where they do not have to pay fair wages legally)...

i know heating costs isnt as sexy as brittany or 50 cent, but it sure means a whloe lot more to the world in the long run

Song of the day:

all my relations

its about all war and all death and all oppression
from ulali's myspace page

A note about "All My Relations" The music for All My Relations" is based on an Irish drinking song from the late 1700's. Gary Owen is actually the American pronunciation of two Gaelic words that roughly translate into Owen's Garden, (and I do mean roughly) which is or was a place in Ireland where people gathered to drink and whatever. It was listed as "Auld Bessy" at a publishing in 1788 and subsequently attributed to "Jackson of Cork" around 1800. It was adopted by the American military during the 1800's as a marching song. It is often referred to as Gary Owen March or Hale in the States. It was often used by the American military as they marched into battle to kill the Native Americans, most notably by Custer at the battle of Little Big Horn as he marched against the Lakota Nation. It continues to this day to be used by the American military. Pura Fe wrote the narative that Ulali speaks over the music. We use it as the background of the narative to commemorate and honor all our relations and others who have died throughout the wars.

.....and those who have and will die due to the occupation of iraq

Song of the day: oil, arms and drugs- ulali

"oil arms and drugs
oil, arms and drugs
one a million, two a million
oil, arms and drugs"

what americans really think....

what do you think of the things our media hasnt been showing us?

Song of the day: the price of oil- billy bragg

"...Now I ain't no fan of Saddam Hussein
oh, please don't get me wrong
if it's freeing the Iraqi people you're after
then why have we waited so long.

Why didn't we sort this out last time
was he less evil than he is now
the stock market holds the answer
to why him, why here, why now."

yom kipor, 2007

Song of the day:

my little sister

really, she is my half sister, and i have not seen her since she was about ten years old, but i found her on my space recently and want to share

me and rachael, 1993


rachael now

Song of the day:

we all shoulder our share of the responsibility

understand, i know choices often can be difficult to make, but there is truth in that as long as there are men willing to fight, and as long as there are mothers willing to give their children to the military, and as long as people have energy for shopping and doing coffee and driving to the beach, but not the energy for protesting in the streets (and i include myself in this statement and am looking at my own choices), well then, there will be war with no end and no meaning

Song of the day:universal soldier- buffy saint marie

northwest nightmare

from yahoo news

Arctic ice melt opens Northwest Passage
By JAMEY KEATEN, Associated Press Writer 1 hour, 6 minutes ago

PARIS - Arctic ice has shrunk to the lowest level on record, new satellite images show, raising the possibility that the Northwest Passage that eluded famous explorers will become an open shipping lane. The European Space Agency said nearly 200 satellite photos this month taken together showed an ice-free passage along northern Canada, Alaska and Greenland, and ice retreating to its lowest level since such images were first taken in 1978.

The waters are exposing unexplored resources, and vessels could trim thousands of miles from Europe to Asia by bypassing the Panama Canal. The seasonal ebb and flow of ice levels has already opened up a slim summer window for ships........Pedersen said the extreme [ice] retreat this year suggested the passage could fully open sooner than expected — but ESA did not say when that might be. Efforts to contact ESA officials in Paris and Noordwik, the Netherlands, were unsuccessful Saturday.......
Russia, Norway, Denmark, Canada and the United States are among countries in a race to secure rights to the Arctic ...... A U.S. study has suggested as much as 25 percent of the world's undiscovered oil and gas could be hidden in the area.....

Associated Press Writer Louise Nordstrom in Stockholm, Sweden, contributed to this report.

can we say SCARY AS HELL!! how can the complete destruction of an entire habitat be viewed in any positive light? hess says that the northwest passage could be a huge reduction in fuel usage, and maybe thats so, but it will also be the end of wild polar bears and seals....what a disaster

Song of the day:

pro-life

A protester holds up a sign before being escorted out by Capitol Hill Police during testimony from the US Commander in Iraq General David Petraeus before a joint hearing of the House Armed Services and Foreign Affairs committees on the state of the war on Capitol Hill in Washington, DC. What was billed as the most electrifying day of testimony in Congress for many years lurched into farce Monday as Petraeus struggled to be heard and members of the anti-war group Code Pink were dragged kicking from the room.(AFP/Tim Sloan)

Song of the day: fortunate son- creedence clearwater revival
dedicated to our beloved national leader

Some folks are born made to wave the flag,
Ooh, theyre red, white and blue.
And when the band plays hail to the chief,
Ooh, they point the cannon at you, lord,

It aint me, it aint me, I aint no senators son, son.
It aint me, it aint me; I aint no fortunate one, no....

Some folks inherit star spangled eyes,
Ooh, they send you down to war, lord,
And when you ask them, how much should we give?
Ooh, they only answer more! more! more! yoh,

It aint me, it aint me, I aint no military son, son.
It aint me, it aint me; I aint no fortunate one, one.

M.I.A.

so gestalt ends and i wind up with a real bad cold (im pretty sure dano gave it to me too) and in the middle of blowing my nose on wednesday, i walked right into a chair and i think i broke my toe....in other words, i have not been in the mood to write, even though there is plenty to say

first, my god-father andy is home from the hospital. i have not seen him since he came home though (dont want to get him sick)....but how releiving to know hes in his own bed

second, there is much more to say about gestalt- theories learned, experiences had....the majickal professor was the guest facilitator in my process group this weekend (which meets from 5 to 7 pm on both friday and saturday). process group, or "pg" is a chance to process what has happened through the weekend in a smaller group environment (ten of us), and is actually more like group therapy then a learning environment, and as you can imagine, it was a very uncomfortable time having her in there. i was quiet for almost the whole first hour on friday, but then dano (yes, the same guy who got me sick)said something that brought me into the room and i went to speak to him, and i got maybe three words out before i suddenly blurted out "i am so uncomfortable that you are in here!!" and the professor said back "i know"....thats it, just 'i know'...i do wish that she would include me more in the decision making process around things that involve me...anyhoiw, i managed to lighten up by saturday and actually enjoyed having her after that....she truly has sun energy for me, and i incorporated this weekends learning on a much deeper level then i had been up to this point

ok, my nose is so clogged right now i feel like my head could explode....talk to you later

Song of the day: sometimes- spearhead

another gestalt weekend: working polarities

in gestalt, instead of defenses, there is something called "contact styles (the creative adjustments)...i really appreciate the view of creative adjustment because it acknowledges that we all approach the world in certain ways, and that it is not bad or good outside of how the adjustment helps or hurts us in our lives....

the creative adjustment is also a polarity, and not a stagnant frozen term....for example (since this one was strong for me), there is projection, which is a term that most people are familiar with.... but in gestalt, the idea of projection is countered by ownership, and everyone leans toward one pole or the other...
to look a little more, here are some of the eight polarities gestalt names as the creative adjustments (but as i work polarities i am beginning to focus in on personal polarities that are more tailored to who i am)

projection...........................ownership
deflection...........................connection
sensing..............................desensitizing
confluence...........................differentiation
introjecting.........................rejecting

unfortunately i dont have time to go over it all right now, but i will go into more detail later on....

Song of the day:

another one of those gestalt weekends

gestalting again and i dont really have time to tlak about it this morning, but i will say we are addressing polarities, and that the majickal professor is a strong presence this weekend, whichb is not all that comfortable for me, but i will learn from it what i can

Song of the day: head like a hole- nine inch nails

"head like a hole
black as your soul
i'd rather die than give you control"

(not resally, but i do feel like i have not been given any say in my surroundings)

im such a red neck!!

it just looks like so much fun!!

Song of the day: cripple creek

my hero

Ailing senator returns to Hill
By MARY CLARE JALONICK, Associated Press Writer
40 minutes ago

WASHINGTON - South Dakota Sen. Tim Johnson returned to the Senate on Wednesday physically weaker but saying he anticipates running for re-election next year.
Johnson, a Democrat, has been out since suffering a life-threatening brain hemorrhage nine months ago. The effects of the hemorrhage are clear — he uses a scooter to get around and his words are slow and slurred. But his mind appears sharp, and he gave every indication of wanting to stay.

"It feels good and I'm ready to go," he said after returning to his office.

Johnson had no problem finding answers to questions, but it occasionally took him while to form words. He said he will measure his speech and mobility progress and make a final decision on re-election this fall.

"I anticipate it will be good but you never know," he said. Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, D-Nev., wasted no time readying for the senator's political future.

"In honor of his first day back in the Senate, help me welcome Tim with a contribution to his campaign," he said in an e-mail to Democratic supporters Wednesday.

living with ms, i often run up against people saying "but you look so good" when i actually take a risk and talk about what it is like living in this body...i send out pictures of my mri's, say, this is what my ms looks like, but lets be honest, very few people can connect a blurry photo of white streaks on the brain
with my ruddy cheeks, bouncy hair and active legs....my ms, you cant see it on the outside but i sure can feel it. i find this very frustrating, as i dont like being doubted by the people in my life

but even worse, i dont want things to be visible and i admire the courage, persistance and commitment senator johnson brings to the table, and i hope his health is strong enough to run for reelection in the fall....maybe even president one day

adversity has so far brought out the fighter in sen. johnson and i hope the voters can put aside this new imperfection and see the man he is (honestly, i know nothing of his polotics, but i intend to look up on it)

ive been told roosevelt could never be president in this world of 24 hour tv news, and maybe thats true, maybe us americans are too shallow to understand that physical appearance is truly a very minor aspect of a leader...but then again, maybe who he is will ring louder then a disability after all


Song of the day: when im gone- phil ochs

remembering abu ghraib

hbo has put out a new documentary on abu ghraib, and i think it is an important piece of work that everyone should see....i dont think it is really sinking into the american conciousness what our country has become in the eyes of the world....and since when is it not important to be well liked?

in any other situation, on an individual level especially, this governments absolute disregard for the rights and feelings of others would be considered anti-social

we the people, we are allowing the same horrors of abu ghraib to take place at gitmo (just because we dont talk about it doesnt mean it isnt happening, in fact, it keeps happening precisly because we dont talk about it enough)

Song of the day: back in the ussr- the beatles

a heartening dream

dream: outside sitting with jackie, she reaches out and strokes my left cheek and she says "i do love you, you know" , and i respond with a strange grimace that slightly pulled away from her touch- "dont get me wrong" she says, knowing that the pull away is because i am confused by this after everything else "you really annoy me at times, but that doesnt discount that i care

it is hopeful for me because I know, it isnt about jackie, it is about what is inside my heart....ive been reading up on sufiism, and this book says that the essence of the teacher speaks to the essence of the seeker, and the teacher is just a mask, empty, impersonal- a bridge to the self......i just had trouble tolerating the ache i felt when i woke up.

Song of the day: put it out for good- amy ray

disappointment

i have a very hard time believing that what i find disappointing is actually real.....i just want to shake my head hard and rub my eyes a few times, and then everything will be the way i want it....

most of all, i find disappointment in relationship impossible to accept..i need to hear the truth straight up, otherwise, the possibility of things being the way i think they are is too strong to let go of.......and i think people who are no longer interested in a relationship, but "dont want to hurt the other persons feelings by telling them" are full of shit, i think they fear taking responsibility for their own truth, and instead of being honest out of respect and kindness, lie for awhile (for me, its always kinder in the long run to hear the truth then it is to find out that youve been deceived for a period of time)

just wanted to share

Song of the day: done wrong- ani difranco

a new blog

i helped my friend assumpta start a blog for a non-profit she is starting up in her efforts to help the world heal....please take the time to stop by and welcome assumpta to the cyber community, and take the time to learn about her cause over the next few weeks as we get her space set up for making a difference

global family foundation

Song of the day:

those roots stretch

i was at shaker lake yesterday, and couldnt find my favorite tree!! it was a weird walk, the roots on the path seemed to stretch out with the intent of tripping and hurting me, and i could not find my tree....so here is a story i wrote, about meeting my tree....

coming to my favorite tree at the shaker lakes, there was a man in mauve heels and crimmpy dishwater blond hair to his shoulders standing on the tiny shore beneath the two foot high cliff i stood on, he appeared to be contemplating the chinese goldfish that were swimming up to the shore.

"best spot in the whole park" i commented as i took a seat on the boxey roots that circled around and around a thick-middled trunk. her shingled skin was silver-grey, and many hearts and initials had been carved, she was tall and her spring leaves had a silver sheen as well. yet this tree, tall and solid, was half ungrounded, her roots, so comfortable to sit among in the grass, spiraling out past the cliffs edge, and the outer-most layer, insecure and naked without ground, hung above the mud without modesty.

this tree, i had only met her the week before, seeming to sprout out of nowhere in this bufuddled mixture of natural cleveland weather and global warming. i began to come often after, just to sit on her chair shaped patch of grass that had a small step down for my feet on another rooted grass patch. she was comfortable.
then one day i came, and there sat a golden apple (with a perfect blush on one side even), it was a surprise....

"the roots stretch to every corner of the earth you know" i was pulled back to the man on the shore
"excuse me"
"the roots stretch to every corner of the earth...and theyre twins you know"
"what do you mean?" i asked the man, curious about his story
"look at it!" so i turned around and studied the tree, and sure enough it looked like siamese twins, with a definite cleft down the middle of her core.
"thank y....." i went to speak, thank him for pointing out this interesting aspect of my new friend, but the man was far down the path by then, little digs in the sand showed his high heeled steps, he just walked away, quickly and silently...

i wonder what other gifts these twins will bring forward.

song of the say: darling, dont you cry- buffy saint marie

andy update

roseanna called, he's a little healthier, and has been exhubated and all his tests look good...i think he will be out of icu by monday, and then i will see him.....and i will decorate his room or something

Song of the day: witch doctor- the chipmunks

more feathers

hess suggested that you, the readers would be more interested in hearing about what we did at wolf creek then in my subjective experience...but that is all it is....we walked, we sang, we intended....we expereinced...and as i process it so you shall understand as i do

anyhow, there have been alot of feather messages in my world recently, and it just doesnt seem to be slowing down....i found a hawk feather at the lake last thursday, a blue jay feather on saturday during my vision quest,

and this dark, majestic feather today....


Song of the day:wind beneath my wing- better midler